Abusive-Verbal/Mental/Physical - Please help me!

You know you have to leave and break all contact with her. You can call the Florida domestic violence hotline at 1–800-500–1119 and see if they can help.

Welcome to Fluther.

I wasn’t able to get through much more than half of this narrative.

@chyna has given you the best advice that you’re likely to get: You need to leave her and cut all contact. You may need to get a restraining order, for whatever good it will do you if you’re the one who keeps restarting contact.

You should tell your family and close friends what has gone on, since it is very likely that she will attempt to “social engineer” her way back into your life to continue her games and/or exact whatever “revenge” she feels entitled to. You may need someone to figuratively “tie you to the mast” (look up Odysseus and the sirens for the link to ancient Greek mythology) so that you can continue your life without constantly giving in to her siren’s call. She’s going to kill you if you let her, and you seem oblivious to this simple fact.

Good luck.

Sorry, if things really are as you say, why are you still with that very sick individual? She should be history already! Thank God you don’t have a child in an environment like this. I am also surprised how you have not slapped her across the face. I don’t agree with violence, but she really deserves a slap. Anyway, get out before she eats away any ounce of dignity you have left!

Communication rule # 1 nobody is a mind reader and if you went to counseling she would be told this in no uncertain terms. However, I think you are way beyond that and it’s time for you to go. The best thing you can do is take ACTION, abandon the dysfunctional ship and let her know in no uncertain terms you are DONE! Please leave right now, TODAY, can you stay with friends or family?

Do not tell her you are leaving, do not engage verbally at all, find a time to pack your stuff when she is not around and then, after you are gone, ( not disclosing where you are ) send her a text or email letting her know you are done and there is no hope of fixing things.
Ignore all attempts at contact, find a lawyer and serve her with divorce papers.
It’s going to be hell for awhile, but eventually she will give up and leave you alone, hopefully.

Agree. But also, starting this minute, begin to document every single interaction you have with her. Take photos of every injury, even a small bruise or scrape. When you file your divorce papers, use these documents in your filing, and as an explanation to why you want a restraining order.

Also get a full physical, and document all scars and bruises with a physician, as well as any new hearing loss or vision problems, etc.

In many states it’s legal to record someone as long as one person in the conversation knows it’s being recorded. They make tiny pocket size recorders that run on batteries, and will record an hour or so at a time before stopping. It would be great if you could have a tape recording of this behavior for the police or a judge

You must leave this sick person. Look for a men’s support group; call a hotline; or just leave. No contact.

You need to get away from her and fast. She will never change. Go to a shelter for abused women now. Do not tell anyone where you are going.

You need to save your life.

You need to get sway from her now.

Call a shelter. Here is a resource.

Thank you everyone for you replies!! I’m leaving her ass as soon as I am able to..I think I can in 1 week from now, Take her to Walmart and pull the “Gotta go to the bathroom” card then bail and leave her there! Go to the house and try to explain to her mother why shes not with me..Then try to pack my shit and leave before she goes and gets her. Only thing I can think of that does not create more issues! Once again thank you everyone! I love yo
u all! I must do this. I can’t put it off any longer! She will NEVER change! I need to burn that into my mind! I’m DONE!

^ Let us know, we’re rooting for you!

Don’t take @stanleybmanly‘s advice.

@Sycorax Do you live with her mom too? Can’t you figure out a way to get them out of the house so you can pack your stuff and go before they get home again? I wouldn’t dump the girl at Walmart and tell her mom you are leaving. Try to find a stealthier way to do this.

No more drama, just disappear. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, not the mom, nobody. There is no law that says you have to explain why you want out of a relationship. Just wanting out is good enough period. Could you lure them out of the house, tell them to meet you for lunch somewhere and then not show, give yourself time to get in and out with your things? Start taking small amounts to a friends now?

Divorce her and move. Don’t let her know where you are and please, please, please don’t have any kids with her.
Move out now.

^ Second that last part!

@Coloma I soo wish there way I could do it that way, But here is the thing. We have 1 car spaced out for me her and her mom and her moms BF and 3 other people. So it’s hard to get them out of the house and on top of that I don’t have a key to the house…I’m screwed in so many ways. Thats why the only option I think I have is the Walmart one.

You can always call the police to come monitor / protect you while you’re packing stuff. Ask them about it.

One way to give yourself enough time is to call the cops next time she hits you. They’ll haul her off.

Also, check around in your area – there may be programs for people like you.

@Dutchess_III That idea won’t work because she lives for REVENGE and she will do and say whatever she has to do get the cops on her side and have them end up doing something to me. Her goal is to win and if she sees she is loosing anything all HELL will break lose. So I can’t do the cop idea..and I can’t get them out of the house….

Oh, that’s true. BUT you can still have them come stand guard while you get your stuff. Just have a place ready to go where she can never find you.

@Sycorax Do you have a buddy that could come for you in the middle of the night?
Maybe make your escape at 4 a.m. when everyone is sleeping?

You could get a locker at the local Greyhound bus station and slowly trickle the items you must have to that locker. Belongings and items can be replaced. Your life cannot, so don’t be too hung up on getting your stuff before you leave.
I’m not so sure about you involving anyone else in this. Your wife sounds so crazy that she may hurt that other person and you would feel horrible that you were a part of that.

So you can have your stuff ready at that Greyhound bus station, pick a day and just get the heck out while they think you are at work. Don’t involve your family in California either, because she will hunt you down. Just leave and start over by yourself until you are strong enough to divorce her without fear.

We have 5 acres for sale here! You could live here!

Oh, another thing. You may want to go to the station and file a report. Just print off the details in your question and get it on file. No telling WHAT she’ll tell the police when you leave.

It sounds like it’s getting to the point where you might just need to buy a bus ticket home and leave all your shit behind. Will your parents take you in? You just need to get away from this psycho. Your stuff can be replaced, your life cannot.

Yes, do what @Dutchess_III says. Be the first to file a report at the police station. It costs nothing, and it will speak volumes if something happens later.

http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/babysitternanny-camera-legality.html
Hidden cameras in your home is legal in every single state, so long as there is no audio. Before you do anything, see about setting up a hidden camera.
There are all sorts of ways to get help for yourself to get out. The police will supervise you packing, and leaving safely. Cops like situations with a happy ending, so don’t worry about them feeling inconvenienced.
I worked before at a hotel where abused persons were kept in secret until they could be relocated to a safe place. There is a whole network which gets involved, including a taxi sernt to pick up the individual. They are instructed to drive a certain amount of time first to make sure they are not followed. We registered the individuals under code names, so nobody would inadvertently give out information they shouldn’t. I can’t tell you all the things involved, partly because even the participants don’t know the whole story. Great measures are taken to protect the abused. If you can manage to get video of the abuse, even a small portion, it would be highly beneficial to the many people who try so hard to protect the abused. They are there, trained, and ready to help.
I don’t know how well any of these work, but here.
http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/category/spy+gear/spy+cameras.do?c=100922.100923&pp=12&sortby=priceAscend&sortType=1
http://www.gadgetsandgear.com/hidden-video-spy-cameras.html
You do need to get out.
You are not alone. There is lots of help available, just ask
try this http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm
As you were advised already, document all that you can. Ask for help. There must be someone who can take photos of injuries for you. They make a good witness when it is time.
Once you do get away, don’t turn back. That is what gets many many abused partners killed. Go, get far away, never have regrets about leaving, no second thoughts allowed. Stay gosh darned gone.
Good luck.
Keep your head.
Life is not over, it is just about to become lots freer.

Also, when you take these photos, get the film finisher to put on them the date they were developed.

Thank you guys for the help! I will do a police report as soon as I’m out and away. But I do want some feedback on my escape plan! I do agree with some people here who say just up and leave and forget about my shit. But It took me so long to get the computers and stuff I have now. Just a real pain leaving it all behind..and on top of that. Leave an amazing gaming computer for HER to use. She does not deserve anything! But here is my plans so far. Please anyone provide input! Also just incase I didn’t add there is also a girl that lives in the house with us someones sister.. I don’t know. Anyway she is always there 24/7 does nothin all day so I know she will call them once I come in alone. And she speaks not one bit of english so trying to explain shit to her is out of the question too.

Plans so far:

1. Leave one day while at work and leave with nothing.

2. Leave work earily and take a taxi to the house and hope that girl is there and the door is unlocked and hope SHE went with them to pick me up. (90% of the time she goes 10% she stays home and cooks) Then I would tell the taxi to wait and go get my shit and leave, But if she is there cooking or whatever I’m screwed in the most horrific way…

3. Try to use the 1 car we have and to go to the store with her and drop her ass off at Walmart (Saying I’m in the bathroom) Then go back to the house (13min drive) And try to explain to her mother that will be wondering where her daughter is. Then hopefully pack my shit and call a taxi then wait for it, Then leave.

4. Don’t have a plan 4.

What about all the people who told you the police will come in with you, and keep you safe while you pack? Do you have something you don’t want the police to see? Are the computers really yours? It seems like you are afraid to involve the police, but if your situation really is dangerous and desperate, they are your best choice.
Are you a legal citizen? Is there a drug stash involved? Are you planning to take stuff that isn’t yours? If one woman is abusive, why are you afraid of all these other women?

@Here2_4 I don’t want to involve the police because I know how she will respond. She will do and say whatever it is she has to. Even lie and say I abused HER she will say anything and do anythinggg to seek her revenge. No I only plan on taking MY stuff she has nothing I want. But we are married would that cause a problem? How will the cops know it’s my stuff and not hers? She will be lying to them the whole time? That is why I didn’t put that as a plan sounds like to much bullshit then help. No drugs no nothing just HER being HER and making my life as hard as she can. Also I’m a Certified Ethical Hacker. She will love to use that to try and get the cops to hate me. Call me a “Hacker” and try to say that I do illegal shit.

See where this is going? I don’t wanna deal with her bullshit anymore then I have to! I know her and I know what she would do to get revenge. Nothing will stand in her way. She even said that before to me. “I’ll just tell them you are a hacker and they will take you away!” Even though I’m a ETHICAL one. (White Hat) She still will turn it around to make me look bad. And that is only one example she would use. If she was not this crazy and fucked in the head I could pick this option.. So sorry to all the people who recommend that action, I simply can’t do it, To much of a pain in my ass to even follow through with!

Tell her that your computer(s) need work, and drop them off at a computer shop (call the computer shop later when they’re not around and ask them to hold them for you, not fix them).

The day you’re leaving wear an extra set of clothes if you can manage it. Leave the rest and don’t come back.

@snowberry Sorry to say this but I’m also a PC Technician. So that plan would not work she would know something was up. I have always fixed my own PC’s. That would have worked if she thought I didn’t know anything about computers…

Could you plan a day at the park or beach, tell everyone you want to have a picnic at the park/beach, whatever, get them all involved in the prep, food making etc. Everyone drives to the destination and then you remember you forgot something, or need to run to the store for a certain thing, soda, beer, whatever, and then you go back to the house, call a cab, get your stuff and go? You could play it cool, tell everyone you think it would be fun to get out of the house and go do something different, the beach or park thing. ???

@Coloma Sorry to shut you down too but I’m not that type of person. I try to avoid the public and people. And for me to randomly want to do that? Yeah she won’t buy it for a second! haha. I honestly think my best bet at this time is to slowly take my hard drives to work in my pocket…and my passport. Then leave on payday.

@Sycorax I begin to think you are right. The main thing is to get away and be somewhere safe.

Well you can always wait until she beats you up again, then when at work, take some time off and go to the police and show them the bruises. Explain your problem, and ask for their help.

Edit: Or invent a reason to take all your computers to work- or just the expensive one- because you wanted to show a buddy your set-up. Then don’t come home.

You know, we’ve been so creative and given you oodles of great advice. If none of these suggestions work for you, then maybe you’re not as set on leaving as you say you are.

Good luck.

I have to ask…are we talking desk top computers or lap tops? Lap tops would be easily smuggled out.
You could take your desk top out with the excuse that it’s not working and you’re taking it to a computer repair shop.

Don’t forget this thread! Maybe even print the entire thing off as part of your report.

@snowberry I don’t think he’s disregarding everything. He’s just pointing out that some of the suggestions would be so out of character for him that it would raise suspicions.
Sounds to me like he’s zeroing in on a plan and we’re helping.

You keep us updated @Sycorax!

Oh…you’re a PC technician. Well, just create a problem with your computer, then tell her you can’t figure it out so you’re going to put your head together with other techs and get the computer out that way.

Are the hard drives all that you really need? (I’m not a tech so I don’t know how this works!) You’d have to buy another CPU to make them work, right?

@Dutchess_III Laptops and Desktops…and a duffle bag full of like 6 Motherboards. My friend gave me my main PC and he was the one helping me get out of this situation, But now it seems he is forcing me to get my PC’s or else he won’t pay for me to leave…Because it was HIS PC and he does not want her to get it. So ether way I’m screwed now. Can’t just leave with my hard drives if I want to leave at all….I have to get all my PC stuff or else he won’t help me leave. Sigh…Always something…..

And yes if I had just the hard drives I would need a whole new PC. CPU, Video Card, Mouse, Keyboard, Monitor….I want to get my stuff don’t get me wrong. But it’s not worth risking my damn life for. He just says “Go in and get it and leave…just DO it” As if it was that simple…..I tell him and he refuses to GET IT…“Just deal with her shit until you make it out the door” Sigh. Well it seems like I have no choice but to drop her ass off at Walmart and run for my life….

Will he come into the house with you to get it?

And have you asked yourself the hard question – what in you has kept you so long in this situation?

@janbb He lives in NY. I’m in FL. Or else he would have.

The police is your way to keep her from harming you. The more you say, the less convinced I am of your story.
If you are a tech, then you know how to have a webcam going even when the computer is off. You probably have a way to remote cam with all the equipment you say you have. No audio makes you legal to record. Good grief. If you are in danger, you need the police.
If the police can’t help you, then there is something wrong with this picture. If you need help, they are your first step and best security, unless the mob owes you any favors.
You are making a lot of excuses.
Do you need help, or don’t you?
If you have something important you feel you can’t share, you can PM me, or call one or all of the connections listed in the help link I provided above.
Trying to sneak out without help is the most dangerous way for you to go.

Hard drives: You can take the small pieces one at a time (slip them into your backpack) to work. Or does she keep your hard drives on her dressing table where she keeps track of them all the time? If so, change them out one at a time, and off you go.

He said that’s what he’s going to do.

But really…if you have the police there she won’t do anything cuz she’ll get arrested. I honestly think that’s the best thing to do, instead of all this cloak and dagger stuff.

I would feel so much more comfortable if I was able to talk to the cop before hand..like one day sit down and go over all this bs with them. Then have them come with me to get my shit. My only issue is how will they know what is mine? How will they only believe my story and nothing she says / lies about? I’m trying to think of all the angles here…@Here2_4 I don’t care if you don’t believe my story or not. I don’t have a webcam and I have no excuse to want to have one. Sure call it another excuse…I just know her. If the cops are the only way I can get the fuck out with my stuff then so be it. I just want to know how its going to happen….I can’t deal with this bs for any longer. Just yesterday she would beat me until I would obey her every command. Then I’d get up and grab her hands and say please stop this! And she keeps going “Ohhhh why get up?!? You gonna hit me?? Ohh I dare you come on hit me you pussy! You’ll know what will happen, You’ll go to jail I won’t” That is her way of thinking….....So sick of this shit.

@Sycorax So why not go to the police with some documentation (bruises, etc.) and talk to them beforehand?

Here’s another suggestion: Call a domestic violence crisis hotline and talk to them about how you should leave. They can probably give better advice than we can about involving the police.

One of the problems of being in an abusive relationship is that it is hard to think your way out of it.

Here’s a link for an article about domestic violence against men from a crisis hotline site with phone numbers and live chat. I suggest you use it today. Thy will help you get help.

@janbb Thank you.. I’m in a live chat with them now…

YAY!!

Cool @Sycorax.

Re your stuff and how they’d know it’s yours. There has to be a way to smuggle the computers out, even if it’s just the hard drives.
Same with any knick knacks.

Then there are your clothes. It will be obvious to the cops which clothes are yours.

What about furniture? Any piece you aren’t willing to leave behind?

Well it seems like I’m down to 2 options. Slowly take my hard dirves and passport to work. Then after I get all I can take in my pockets. Then I leave…<—That option only works if my mother is able to help me (money) get out. Because my friend will not help me unless I’m taking my computers…So If my mother does not help me and my friend won’t help me. Then I have to start looking to shelters…...Thank you everyone for your help. I love you all! I will keep updates when I’m able to..But after tommrow I have 2 days off…Oh joy..Only person who hates days off…If I don’t show up on the 13th I’m probably dead or in a coma.

@Sycorax My advice is don’t stay in the house. Get out and do something on your own on your days off.

^^^That would probably get him in a world of hurt.

Reading this I see a man in real danger. Whatever plan of action you take, your safety is first on my mind. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! That is probably the most key piece of advice I can give you.

There are many places to turn for advice, and help. I provided a link to information for a few. Yes, you can talk to the police first. You can describe the items in advance which you plan to take.
Does your friend have proof of ownership of his computer? If so they can document that, and there would be no dispute at all.
Have you considered slipping mickeys into dinner? With everyone dozing you could take your time slipping out.
I highly urge you to contact at least one help source though.

He mentioned above that he’s on a live chat with a help center now. Anxious to see what their recommendations are.

@Dutchess_III Yes that would get me in a world of hurt…And basiclly they could not talk to me that long because of the chat quota…But mainly they recommend I contact my mother and hope she didn’t dis-own me and can help me get the hell out of here. If not they gave me a list of shelters in my area to contact as last resort. I’m going to contact my mother at lunch tomorrow and hope it goes well…..

Please let us know.

Did the hotline listed in the link I provided not help you at all?

@Here2_4 He seems to have contacted a hotline from the link I provided. See above.

@Sycorax Shelters and expensive anything don’t go together. Leave your computers at work or with someone you trust, even if you have to pay someone to store them for a bit. Otherwise they’ll be lost or stolen. Been there, done that.

@snowberry Great. Looks like I have only one option…I’ll call my mother at my lunch and see how it goes…I’ll be sure to update you guys…

Well I contacted my mother..She was happy to hear from me and was pissed for awhile but ended up saying she would help me get out of here and I’d be leaving Thursday or Friday most likely! Thank you guys for all your help!!!! I know I must stick with my desion this time..She will never change! I must get that through my head! It just makes it harder when shes nice to me the small times that is. You know? But I must clear my head and stick with this. And never look back. She can fake being nice but she will always be the person I hate and want nothing to do with. So I must ignore her rare “nice times”! Once again thank you all for taking the time to read my story and reply you guys are awesome!!!

Great! let us know when you’re gone.

^^^ That didn’t sound quite right, @janbb!

So how you going to get your computers out between now and Friday?

@Dutchess_III Not going to. I’m slowly moving my hard drives to work. By friday I should be done. She is not worth the extra bullshit to have to get my computers. I’m going to setup a script on each computer and then the day I leave I will activate them all remotely from work and destory the hard drives. (I’m taking backups / portables) So yeah. It will take her a few months to fix them. Thats my plan.

What about clothes and stuff?

I think he needs to not over worry about things, the main point is getting out!

@Dutchess_III Leaving it all. My mother even agrees, To just come and get away from her. Other stuff I can get back. Only going with the hard drives I take and my phone / wallet and the clothes on my back.

I wish you all the luck. And keep telling yourself she will never change because SHE WON’T.

@Dutchess_III Thank you for that…Really.

Well, give me a “Great Answer” lurve then!

We’ll be waiting to hear from you on Saturday. ((( )))

Stay in touch with us. Making a transition is always hard, even when it is leaving behind something bad. We are here for you, when lonliness sets in, share that, and we’ll understand. When things start feeling better, we will also like to share the joy with you. You have people who do care. Good luck. Be careful.

Have you filed a police report?

Yes, he should have filed a police report BEFORE he moved out. Call it insurance. The first one to talk to the police often gets more credibility than the other side. I hope he did.

@snowberry He hasn’t moved out yet.

He’s leaving Friday.

Leaving today! Booked the flight and calling a taxi within the hour!....She has no idea I’m leaving.

YAY!! YIPPEE!! HOORAY!!

Have a safe flight! Good luck.

Travel mercies for you. Good luck and a fresh start! Please keep us up to date on your progress!

Stay with us please!

Yay….brave guy, let your new, non-abusive life begin, and remember to not ignore future relationship red flags. One psycho is more than enough for a life time! Good Luck kiddo!

Oh! Another thought! When she finds out you’re gone, be prepared for her to tell you she’s pregnant…...

Yep, be on high alert for all manner of lies and manipulations.

+1 there! Women are sneeeeeaaky! Shields up!

@majorrich Women don’t have the market cornered on sneaky. Lots of men are too.

Yep, now, now, no gender bashing.
My ex husband was extremely sneaky and passive aggressive, gah!
Note the operative word: “EX!” haha
Conversely I have also dumped two female friends over the years for their manipulative behaviors.

@Sycorax I hope your exit was uneventful. Please let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.

Thank you! Everything went well and I escaped!!!!! Iam in Cali! Thank you EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so freee!!!!!!!!! She has been spamming me and emailing me like crazy, Saying how she will change and how she is soooo sorry! and bla bla! Begging me to take her back. Lol so stupid Anyway, I’m finally free….Thank you everyone again for helping me!!! woot!!!!

Fluther at its best!! So happy for you!

By the way, be prepared for the anger and the demands soon as well. Make sure your heart is hard.

Congratulations and best of luck to you.

However, a dose of realism: You need to admit (to yourself, not to any of us) that you have been an addict for her in the past. If you can realize that your relationship with her has been in many ways exactly like an addiction: the rush, the regret and the self-punishment cycle, then there’s hope if you respect it in that way and treat it (seriously) in that way.

You have decided to break the addiction, and you are to be congratulated, certainly.

But it’s not over. Now, like any other addict, you need to go through a withdrawal and whatever manifestations that makes in your psyche (and body), and take it “one day at a time”. We have other recovered / recovering addicts on Fluther who might be able to assist you with that process. It’s not going to be easy; you’re not “done” yet.

You’ve taken a courageous and necessary first step, and I’m sure that you’re still caught up in that rush – and it’s a good feeling, and you should enjoy it while it lasts. You earned it. But you’ll come down again to “normal, everyday living” feelings, and you’ll have good days and bad days like everyone else. You’ll have to find a way to resist her call to you every day, and that may be difficult.

Don’t expect it to be easy, and don’t feel like a failure if someday you can’t resist and decide to call or email her. What you can’t afford to do is go back to her, though, and that’s what you may very well need help with.

I really do wish you the best of luck, but don’t get complacent about “I can handle anything now, and it’s all done.”

@Sycorax Please get yourself into some sort of program or counseling (think accountability partners) so you can explore why you’re prone to get yourself into these types of relationships, and why you’re so unable to stand up for yourself. It would be terrible to escape one disaster and fall into one as bad or worse.

Give yourself time to heal and reflect before jumping into ANY new relationship, and when you do, make sure your accountability partners are OK with it. They’ll have your back.

Be ready for the elation to be replaced by lonliness and doubt. That is normal, but don’t give in to it. There is a lot of really great advice here. Don’t ignore it.
Be ready for manipulation to begin. Don’t try to explain yourself, or make any contact at all. She drove you away, and now she will have to live with the environment she created for herself. Delete the emails unread. Block her, on phone, and everywhere. That stuff is past. Let it stay there.

Actually you might want to save all the e-mails past and present and all future ones for your attorney. If there is a court fight, the judge might be very interested in the passive-aggressive and personality flip flops.

@snowberry Doubtful. Unless there are police reports filed for domestic violence against someone, or a violation of a restraining order, or some sort of psychiatric disclosures, judges don’t care to take the time to read peoples dramas.

Edit.

I still think it would be a good idea to capture the exchanges in case he needs to filing a restraining order.

Keep them? Maybe. Open them? NO.
They can be re routed to an attorney or elsewhere without ever being read.

I’m so proud of you, I told you I’d keep up with the story via fluther. Finally! You deserve it. Don’t back track! Your happiness is beginning, she’s never going to change and all of the great things you deserve will come shortly. I’ve told you since the day we met & you told me your story.. I’m soooo happy you went through with it!

Oh! Well hi @kriz!

@kriz Thank you so much for helping me through this!

Stick with it or you will be Flutherized! That is a very bad thing.

So have you heard from her?

She emails me on different emails every day and txts me etc. Tells me she will get on drugs and change and bla bla. Saying how everything will be different if I give her a 4th chance…..And that she just magically changed.

So change your phone number and cancel the email accounts.

In the process of doing just that.

@Sycorax Good job, and, as I told my ex once upon a time when he claimed that everyone deserved a second ( 3rd, 4th, 11th ) chance…. I told him…” you are right, but it isn’t going to be with me.” lol
Maybe this will be some sort of wake up call for your ex but make no mistake about it, the odds of her changing her patterns with you are slim to none. Stay strong!

Keep in mind @Sycorax that she has totally broken every bit of trust you ever had with her. Now if you look at trust the way a bank looks at credit, her credit rating with you is right around 300— the lowest number you can get. Don’t trust her with anything now or in the future.

By the way, I got my number from this site: http://www.creditscoreresource.com/what-is-the-lowest-credit-score-possible/401129

take it from me 15 years of it it gets worse and if you take to long you will be dead when u get too leave.