When did come to terms of your own mortality?

I’ve had to make peace with my immortality. I haven’t yet.

Years ago, I am completely at peace with the idea of my death. We all have a finite amount of time here, use it to enjoy yourself, take in the beauty, help others, love others, no use in fearing the inevitable.

I haven’t done that. I’m planning to live forever. So far, so good.

When I was about 30, I had to make some changes in my life because I realized at the rate I was going I wouldn’t make it to 35. And it has been an ongoing realization ever since that we don’t get out of here alive, and there is no extra time to right the course, so better do one’s best to live a happy joyous and free life now.

Um, when I was 35 or so and almost died.

How did you almost die Dutchess III? If you okay with revealing it. I will stop.

Ectopic pregnancy, which burst.

I am sorry. I hope you feel well. It makes things easier.

Well, that was 20 years ago!

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. But right from the from the very beginning I made gambles figuring I would live forever – or to 96, whichever comes first.

I always speak in the present tense Dutchess III if I am well enough to mind my grammar. You see that doesn’t make sense. I think in the present is more what I want to say. Always always the present.

I never did, deal with it when the time comes…or not.

What’s to accept? Death is. No purpose worrying about it.

Don’t know if it counts, but when I was 16 years old I decided life was too much for me. I still remember drawing a suicide plan. I thought life wanted me to end there, and I was ready to go to “another world”.

I came to those terms when I became an Atheist at age 15.

oblivious about death is fine. isn’t it suppossed to motivate us said by some psychological text? Mortality I mean. Logging off.

I haven’t yet.

When I was 7, I learned of the darker side of humanity as a victim and tried running from that disgusting truth for years but eventually came right back to it. When I was 20, disgust with the world, myself, and finally giving up my faith in which I had sought shelter plus other circumstances drove me to the brink of suicide. By the end of August of 2012, I finally came to terms with my existence. I’ll probably never come to find peace within myself but that’s perfectly fine with me. Within the time I lost hope and faith and came to terms with myself, I found a goal I can strive for indefinitely. I wish the circumstances that led me to find that goal were different, but regardless, I am content to have it.

I came to terms with it pretty young. I realized we come to this world with a death sentence hanging over us, that actually being born means you are already dead in a sense. Deep inside I tend to focus on the futility of it all and secretly look forward to a fairly early shut down. I can’t imagine living to a very late age, it tires me.

We had a pretty bad scare about 5 years ago and I received the call from the doctor while at home alone. I had all day to ruminate on everything, and even sought the help of the collective. Since that time, I have exceeded everyone’s expectations on durability. Still inoperable, but not getting any worse either. I believe I can meet my maker knowing I did everything I could do with the time I had. I saw my son walk the stage for High School, He is a Senior in College this year. Next is Grandbabies! I am keeping my expectations more short term, and taking more adventures. I know I am on loan, and want to be the best memory I can be.

I don’t want to live for ever but I dont want to die. I think maybe when I get old and all my friends are gone I will feel differnt and be okay about being gone soon. I know I dont want to die before I get to live! OMG!! If I was in a bad axcident and sufering, I would like to die then I guess. Right now I dont.

I ponder this more and more since my second parent passed away earlier this year. Sometimes I think, what the hell?... it’s gonna happen, nothing I can do about it, just enjoy the ride. Other times I find myself foolishly and needlessly fretting about it. But one thing I don’t think about much anymore is, nah, can’t happen to me, which is what I thought when I was much younger. The one thing know for sure is that I don’t want to be sick and dependent, which is what my mother always said and, sadly, how she was for years before she died.

Not really sure when but I am. It would be nice to go on my own terms but chances of that are slim and I am good with that too.

In my youth, from teen to young adult, I looked forward to dying as long as it was painless. My last attempt at suicide at age 21 did not end my desire to go to sleep and never wake up. However, I did choose to accept such feelings while not giving myself permission to act on them because of how it would impact my family.

The last time I considered killing myself was after my sister hung herself at age 43; I was 47 at the time. Fortunately, my close friends did not give me much time to been alone with my thoughts and I eventually accepted her death, that I could not have prevented it and that I bore no responsibility for it.

While I have lived with depression my entire life, I no longer seek death as an escape from the mental pain that ranges from moderate to severe, but never totally disappears. Instead of viewing death as an escape, I now recognize it as a necessary transition from this reality to that from which we were born; I do not believe that after death one joins with others who have departed from life, but if what we call consciousness continues after death, perhaps it may become one with a universal consciousness.

I am a hospice volunteer, helping the dying to have dignity in the last days of their life and helping their family and friends work through the grief that both proceeds and continues after their loved one has departed. In this way, I think that I have come to terms with my inevitable end, though hopefully decades from now.

@Pachy you’re light-hearted, so refreshing.

@Bill1939 our dark sides match, but you have the advantage. Wow, hospice volunteer. I’m impressed. So many different views, I wish this could be a conference call, live.

@Bill1939, OMG, when I first started reading what you said, I was so sad for you, but it sounds like you got it alltogether for yourself in such a healing way, and even made things better for other people too. You must be a very amazing person.

Thank You.