Should I just give up on this getting to know my classmates thing?
As many of you know, I have asperger’s. I am also getting my master’s. You also likely know I am dealing with a personal tragedy.
I’ll make this short. Basically back in August when I started I was making a real effort to make friends, be approachable, and while it wasn’t going like I hoped, it wasn’t a total disaster.
Then tragedy struck in mid-september and I have made no effort in the friend category. Everyone has spent the last two months getting to become friends, and I’m completely on the periphery now (just trust me on this, it’s not just a feeling, but stuff like being the only person doing an observation alone whereas everyone else is partnered up)
Do I just write-off the social aspects as a lost cause, try to not feel horrible when no one wants to partner with me for projects, and just try to remember by May 2016 this will all be a memory?
Or do I put in some effort again, even though at this point it feels everyone is cemented in their groups? Do I attend the holiday party and try to mingle?
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5 Answers
It depends on what your needs are; are you okay with being on the periphery? I tend to be a very isolated person, but I’m comfortable with my own company (most of the time). It’s certainly nothing to aspire to, but I made 0 friends during college, and I was okay with that.
If your main concern is having a work partner, you can develop a working relationship without social attachments.
Attend the holiday party and try to mingle but what might be more easy is to see if there are any study groups that you can become part of. That might be an additional way for you to get to know people. Ask someone if you can go over the course notes with them over coffee. If there is someone that seems approachable to you, maybe you can even share what has happened to you and that you feel a bit left out of things. One or two friendships would be nice to have.
Oh, am there now; you do your program as far as class goes, you take opportunity to make friends but don’t makle it an all-consuming goal, you go to the party and mingle, seeing if there is a crack in anyone’s ”cement”.
I agree with @Hypocrisy_Central that making friends doesn’t need to be a goal.
The party could be nice, whether you make any permanent bonds or not.
One thing I remember from college was, lots of people changed who they wanted to be friends with. They would be so anxious to belong, they would try to make friends quickly, then find someone else later they preferred to hang out with. You don’t have to feel rushed.
Most of my friends are from my hobbies. Are there any classmates you share hobbies with?
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