I think I may have Factitious Disorder?
I think I have a minor case of it.
I tend to feign symptoms or exaggerate them in hope of going to the doctors or maybe even the emergency room. I purposely hurt myself to get attention- for example, the other day, I overdosed on my medicine (not enough to kill me), but it made me quite sick the next day (I couldn’t stand without feeling like I was going to vomit). I did it on purpose.
Sometimes I’ll purposely give myself bruises or cuts to see if people will notice. I don’t know why I do it. I know it’s bad. I know it’s wrong. But sometimes I just do it without even realizing it. There’s no clear gain out of it so I don’t even know why I do it.
It goes hand in hand with depression and anxiety (which I both have) so I think that may be why I have it, but it makes me feel like such a bad person to be doing this to myself just for other people’s pity. I want to go to the emergency room. I want to be hospitalized. When I leave the country I’m tempted not to take my malaria pills in hope of getting malaria so I have to go to the hospital.
It’s horrible, I feel horrible, I don’t know what to do but I can’t stop, it’s like a habit. And I’m afraid to tell people because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m just doing it for the fun of it (there are deep psychological issues involved), or I’m worried they’ll think I’m lying about my depression and anxiety (which I’m not, I usually do it for physical symptoms), or that I’m trying to make fun of other suffering people (of course not!). It’s really, really bad. I feel like such a psycho. I don’t even enjoy pain- it hurts! But I do it anyway! I don’t know why!
I don’t want to self diagnose myself but I’m scared to tell others that I think I have this. Most people with this disorder don’t believe they have a problem but I do. I’ve been doing this since grade school (in 6th grade I faked sick to get out of school multiple times) but it’s just now getting worse. Do you think I have it? What should I do about it? Thank you for your help!
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14 Answers
No matter what anyone here tells you, we can’t help you. You really, really, really need the help of a professional; more than that, a highly reputable specialist. The wrong person(s) can cause damage beyond control. Your situation is grave. You are right to seek help. You need someone who knows exactly what to do to help you. Living should not be torture. When it is, if it can be changed, it should. Asking for knowledge, for help is a good direction, but should be directed to who can intelligently, and safely offer help.
Sometimes asking for help requires asking more than one potential source before finding the help you need, but don’t let that be a barrier. Ask for help from someone trained to make things better for you.
I wish you good luck. Feel free to send me a private message any time you want to talk.
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I’d consult a psychiatrist. Tends to be covered by most insurance, college health insurance, etc.
It’s good that you are able to acknowledge this yourself, many people wouldn’t be able to do that. A psychologist would be able to help you understand those feelings you are having.
First, thank you for teaching me about this. I’ve been on this earth a long time and had never heard of it. I learn something from this site every day.
I did an unscientific search and uses wiki to look it up. the highest level description that I found interesting was:
”[The patient] might be motivated to perpetrate factitious disorders… to gain any variety of benefits including attention, nurturance, sympathy, and leniency that are seen as not obtainable any other way.”
Does that describe you? Are you benefiting from this in any way? School work, sympathy, etc. Is that gain worth feeling like crap all the time? Only you can answer.
FYI, I am an engineer and work in an environment that accepts no delays, or excuses.Knowing there is no “time out” or “free pass” forces us to (sometimes) accomplish incredible things. The deadline hanging over our heads like the Sword of Damocles that keeps all of us motivated. That and making cool stuff.
You need to finish school – and do well.It is more important than you can imagine. Make that your Sword.
I just found a question from the summer of 2013 where you thought you had something called maladaptive dreaming.
You mentoned there that you were only 15 and were seeing a counsellor. Please share this new information with him or her immediately.
It’s really simple. Either you want to get better and fix your issues or you don’t.
If your serious about getting help you will take that first step right now, today.
Otherwise it is obvious you are getting something out of this, attention, caring, concern. There are healthier ways of obtaining care and attention, but you must know that already.
Nothing any of us here can do for you, you need to log some serious time on a therapists couch kiddo.
Hey guys. So I called my counselor and the soonest time I can see her is Thursday. We’ll see what happens then.
@LuckyGuy Yes, those things do describe me. That’s the thing about this disorder, there’s no clear gain. We just… do it.
@marinelife That’s a severe type of this Factitious Disorder that only involves faking physical symptoms. Which I may have…
@gailcalled Yep, that was me. I still have that too. And yes, I’m 16 now.
^ Well done! Rooting for you, keep us posted!
Hey guys, I talked to my counselor about it and she thinks it might just be really bad Middle Child Syndrome (yep, I’m the middle child). She believes since my siblings get more attention and are generally praised and recognized more for their talents and what makes them special, that the way I feel special is by being hurt and sick, because honestly, ever since I told my parents about my depression and anxiety they’ve paid a little more attention to me that way. So, what makes me different from my siblings is that. But, if I want Factitious Disorder just so that I can get attention for having that disorder, and I want to make up lies just so I can be diagnosed with that disorder, doesn’t it mean that I just have it? I have no idea.
I saw a new psychiatrist today and told her about it and she had a concerned face but didn’t mention anything about a disorder, so I may be clear.
Good for you! Find a professional you can trust, and keep talking to them.
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