What is a woman wanting when she says "I hate you" during sex?

That’s a new one on me.

“Damn baby, is my technique that bad?”

“they will never find your body”?

…whaaaat?

I think she is literally saying that she hates you.

That’s just weird. Either you’re really bad at sex or do they hate you because you’re so skilled and/or well endowed and they’re not going to get to enjoy you again? Personally I can’t see me EVER saying such a thing in either case but I can’t think why else someone would say they hate you during sex.

Therapy?

What has the tone of voice been? Had you recently hurt her, and she’s made at herself for giving in to have sex with you?

Confused face here. That’s a new one.

Is this a regional/cultural thing?

@Dutchess_III, the long term relationship one might have been venting about some kind of couple-spat/begrudgment thing. Your typical internal insult or whatever—who knows. The fling was about her frustration about liking me more than she was getting back or wanted to have back from me, although she knew from the get-go it wasn’t for keeps.

@linguaphile, no. They’re from different parts of the country and Caucasian.

edit:: Maybe the first one was about wanting to break up, but we were together for a long time after that, too. Kind of a stuck together thing maybe.

Anyway, so two different data points.

You should respond by talking with her about her desires and expectations for sex with you. Mention your confusion with her saying “I hate you” during sex. Ask if she is into BDSM and discuss your own preferences.

If you think it has a tie-in with larger relationship issues, this is also worth bringing up – though perhaps not in the same conversation as the one about sex.

@Dutchess_III, there’s a quote about marriage being death by a thousand tiny insults. It would be something like that.

Actually, the tone in both cases was something akin to “It’s not your fault” from Good Will Hunting. Ha!

A hint you need to use Cialis?

This, my fellow Flutherites, is an interesting question.

My first guess (and perhaps hope for you) is that this is an offer of very psychological lovemaking.

This doesn’t fall under BDSM necessarily, but it would be mental DS (dominance and submission).

Since this has happened twice with as many partners makes me wonder if there is something about you that hints to these women that you are a natural submissive that could enjoy some humiliation and psychological dominance.

This can be white searing hot if you have a little courage to ask meekly yet confidently “but why?”

Over the years I have taken the BDSM/DS world tour, almost always as a poised and self confident submissive but one lover’s utterances stuck with me well:

A curvy and intriguing PR consulting firm owner Jewess would repeat during vanilla sex “don’t”, “no, stop.” It was all I could do to keep these utterances from sending me over the edge far too soon.

Had I felt like the relationship was going to last for some significant time I would have responded during the act and asked where the whole thing came from afterward.

I think you have a chance for something special here.

Hide the knives Mr Bobbitt. :) I’ve heard that before, usually not associated with sex though. It was usually while I was teasing, or making her do something she didn’t want to do, even if it was the right thing, in my mind. I would think if it happened during sex, Stoke might be on to something. But I might want to be sure before I acted on it.

I agree with @SecondHandStoke. The fact that it happened over and over, both times during sex, I think it has more to do with a turn-on than them actually hating you. Maybe they were saying it to get you to “punish” them even more and they wanted it rough/rougher.

Saying “I hate you” would not be my particular cup of tea. However, I have certain tendencies and I’m just not getting the impression that they actually meant they hated you. Feel brave enough to ask if it ever comes up again.

@DrasticDreamer That’s also a good shot at it. She might want it rougher but doesn’t know how to ask for it.

Is this women you yanked off the subway, and called them girlfriends?

@Here2_4 One was a fling, one was longer term. But ouch, that’s cold. :)

I think it is just a heat of the moment thing, kinda like when they confuse you with God or Jesus when in the throws of orgasm.

^ You know they have had their share of the African American or are such themselves when they instead of using the Lord’s name in the throes of bliss they say “oh shit.”

I would have said, “Truth is, I don’t think much of you either.”

I have never heard of that one.

If I were to guess, she’s saying it in a jokingly serious way, like you turn her on so much she can’t stand it. Just a guess.

@SecondHandStoke & @DrasticDreamer, that, I think, comes closest to the kind of answer I’m looking for (although I didn’t know it until I saw it). Thanks for chiming in.

I think it means that you’re doing things so well that you’ve ruined them for other men.

If it happened once I would look at the woman for the answer. As it happened twice I would look at yourself for the reason. Or maybe they have been talking to each other?

@flutherother, they don’t know each other.

@SecondHandStoke I don’t really understand you answer. Do you have wide experience to corroborate what you said?

@janbb

Yes.

Like I stated above I’ve taken the Kink World Tour over the years.

^^^ Still don’t understand. What do African Americans have to do with Kink World Tour?

^There is no connection.

Some people say “oh shiiiit.” Instead of “oh god” during the deed.

The Kink World Tour simply means that I have spent many years in the BDSM/DS realm an have seen it all (not that I care for or practice every single, heh, discipline.

That would be impossible anyway:

Diagram with possible NSFW words

I can tell you why a woman says, “I hate you” during sex…only ONE reason because this question is to me personally. When she says, “I hate you”....she means, “I love you”...I love you just doesn’t get it when its too soon to say it. I hate you is full of passion and is just this side of biting and slapping.

Damn, I was really hoping this was a legit revival of this question but no, just fucking spam.