How do you respond when someone is trying to be covertly mean and condescending to you or a loved one?

Can you give some concrete details, please?

How do you know the “real” intention. That’s just your assumption.

@gailcalled : If someone was making fun of you or a loved one, but was acting like they were kidding yet you knew they weren’t kidding, would you confront them or would you ignore their hurtful words because you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it? Thank you very much.

15 years ago I would have confronted it.

Now I wouldn’t. I’m old and I try to spend thing doing things I enjoy instead of wasting the time I have left on stupid shit.

15 years ago I wasn’t aware of the concept of a “Troll”. The internet taught me that sometimes horrible people say horrible shit to piss people off and get a reaction. I’m not sure if I have ever met anyone that has trolled me IRL but now I just assume they do and ignore them.

Laugh in their face until their nose bled, then laugh some more.

I am extremely adept at witty comebacks that put people in their place and would have no problem coming up with a zinger, all in a very calm and charismatic manner. Think “Frasier” style. haha
Many passive aggressive types are adept at couching insults under a flimsy veil of “humor” and I always call out passive aggressive types, one personality trait I will not tolerate, at all.
Call them out, watch them squirm. Shitty personalities need to be taken down whenever possible.

Again. You are assuming you know the truth. You are not omniscient. The only way you could know is if you ask.

So, ask. Ask the joker if (s)he is kidding, or what. Tell them it seems mean spirited. You’ll either let that person know you know they’re an ass or get a response saying they are just kidding.

I don’t know why people think they know everyone’s motivations. I used to think I could “see through” people until my therapist told me that people who do that are focused on their ego so much so that they think they know the truth of everything.

When in doubt ask. And never assume you know anything.

It depends on the situation. My husband’s former boss was obviously threatened by him and while we were out to dinner, threatened his job. I wanted to stab him in the hand with my fork, but I restrained myself. The man was a complete dick and obviously lacked the balls to say what he did directly to my husband so he thought he’d go the back way and get to him through me. I wasn’t about to play his game. So I ignored the comment because me reacting would have fed his need for power. I told my husband after we weren’t in his boss’s presence so he didn’t go off at him either. He was livid when I told him, but he now had proof of what he suspected about this man and could guard against him.

However, if me pulling the person up about their behaviour wouldn’t put my loved one at risk or humiliate them further, I’d challenge them and call their nastiness out for what it was. If I thought my doing that would harm my loved one, but the comment needed a response, I’d wait until the person and I were away from others, and then tell them what I thought of their behaviour.

Mostly I try to ignore them. They are just trying to either make me feel bad or make they look good. So why do I have to bother? They’ve got a lot more to do than humilating others.

Or I can crack another harmless joke, because outsiders already think that they are joking, and will blame me for being aggressive if I confront them.

I stare at them hard, like I am trying to figure out what caused such severe brain damage. It usually makes them feel self conscious, and they back off.
,

Engage them in ‘neutral’ conversation. Chuckle. Let a couple sentences pass, then ask a clarification question about the perceived slight.
Chuckle. Let a couple sentences pass, then ask a clarification question about the perceived slight.
Pin them in the corner.