How do you cope when an online or real-life friendship ends and you still miss the person?

Someone I came to know on Fluther also completely disappeared with no warning. We had become extremely close, and I was devastated when he left. I didn’t entirely cope with it, because I didn’t know what happened to the person. I didn’t know if they were alive or anything, and I could only wonder.That said, 4–5 years after the fact, he found me and did a lot of apologizing. Disappearing like that can never be forgotten after you’ve made that close of a bond with someone, because it really does hurt – online or off.

Not knowing is always hard and I feel your pain. But maybe the person you knew is also lurking around somewhere, and maybe he’ll see your message.

If you could send a private message to one of the mods, perhaps they may know something more? Could they help you find out something more? Just a thought.

That’s the tough part about online friendships, and that’s why it’s not helpful to become too invested in them. The people here who I am pretty close with I also am in touch with on FB, which is another layer of intimacy beyond Fluther. It’s a way to be in touch and follow the person and their current lives.

If you know this person’s real name, you can always google him to find out info about him, if he’s alive, whatever.

My other advice is try to let it go. Yes, wonder about the person but perhaps they were not what they represented themselves to be. Perhaps he was married, perhaps he was doing what he did with you with many other people, perhaps he was not even a “he.” Who knows. You really have no way of knowing with only online relationships, which is why I wouldn’t get too invested in them.

I’ve had enough people come and go in my life that I’ve learned to accept it. I find that it happens that people vanish without warning on the Internet more often than people you know face-to-face.

Whenever someone I’ve loved crosses my mind, I mentally direct the fond thoughts I have toward them. I’m not religious, so that’s about as close as I get to prayer. In the case of online relationships, I’ll sometimes send PMs or emails letting them know the I’m thinking of them and wishing them well, and like the positive thoughts, I just let it go without expecting any response. On the rare occasion that I get a reply, I am then pleasantly surprised.

This is also why I choose to use the same username and avatar across different sites, so that I can be found and identified easily, should an old friend cross my path again.

I keep trying to tell myself that it was them and not me, but it still hurts years later.

Missing someone who has drifted away is a passing sadness, something to mourn a little.

I question, though, friendships that have *“ended”,*as if you have a demarcation, a final communication. A friendship that abruptly ends cannot be resurrected without some reconciliation and recommitment.

Friends that drift can be held dear in the heart, yet one must learn why the drift took place. If that circumstance has changed, true reconnection can take place and joy will be found upon reaching out. If the circumstance persists, one must accept that the past cannot be regained, it is the past. You have changed and so have they.

I know how you feel. I was an internet friend with someone on another site for seven years. We talked everyday online. A few times we even called each other to talk about some of the “askholes” we had to deal with on the website. :)

After the website closed down. my friend went over to facebook with a group of others. I was invited but I have this “thing” about Facebook and don’t want to join it. I miss my friend but now I know the difference between internet friends and real friends.

@ZEPHYRA – good thought, though I doubt the mods would be able to help with this one.

@jca – I agree about not becoming too invested in online friends because of the reasons you’ve mentioned. When I looked at the PM’s he and I exchanged on Facebook, it looks like we were there for each other when we needed support, and that the season ended at the right time.

@hearkat – good idea! re: “Whenever someone I’ve loved crosses my mind, I mentally direct the fond thoughts I have toward them.”

@marinelife – I hear ya.

@zenvelo – there would be some reconciliation and re-commitment needed, but considering he’s gone off the Internet, the one who ended things abruptly, and hasn’t reached out, I doubt any of this will ever happen.

@BeenThereSaidThat – thank you.

I don’t think it matters where we make friends, online or in person, when people who’ve been special to us leave our lives it’s sad. When I miss a former friend, I comfort myself with the belief that friendships have their time. Some last for years or even a lifetime, others are much more fleeting. See if the mods can help, but beyond them letting the person know you’re looking to make contact (if the info they have is still current). You may just have to reminisce about your former friend.

I’m going through something right now with someone I met online. It’s only been a week but he still hasn’t responded to anything I sent him. It’s really hard when you become so attached to them. The only way I know he’s still alive is through Facebook, even though we’re not friends on there. His friend count goes up and I’ve seen several pics of him in his band posted recently. I think it’s cruel of them to just stop talking to you for no apparent reason and make you think the worst.

There was someone in my life a few years back, we had been in a relationship which eventually fell apart – hindsight made it clear to me that the fault lay mostly with me. Anyway, she cut off all communication and then several months later, we briefly came into contact with one another. She stated she would like us to renew our relationship except just as friends. I thought it would be nice until about a week in when I realized I was trying to get her back as my significant other. I cut it off there, thinking it was probably for the best but hating myself for being so pathetic as to even believe I could rekindle a relationship between us again and too weak to control that desire.

I miss her tremendously, sometimes I wish I could talk to her, I wonder how she is doing and I would like to show her how far I’ve come. I miss our talks, she was by far the best friend I’ve had the pleasure of gaining and the misery of losing. But I always have that nagging doubt that I would try to win her heart again only to hurt/fail her all over again and that doubt keeps me from reaching out and contacting her. Still pathetic I suppose.

Despite the failure it all turned out to be, I’m glad I made her acquaintance, even if it was in passing. She and the experience we shared taught me a lot about myself and helped me discover several of my flaws. Just wish it wasn’t all in hindsight.

Hahaha, whoops! Just realized I never mentioned what I did to cope. I kept myself busy, striving for a goal that – amusingly – she helped me find. The bed part of my goal is that if I were immortal, I could go a really long time trying to reach it, if not forever. And I also avoided anything that could possibly remind me of her in my day to day life.

Awww, I would be devastated and sad, but I would always hold him in the most highest regards, I believe that if they contact you one way or another then there is something there, so I wouldn’t be so quick to let go, he may be back when you lease expect it. Ive gone through this and wow I did my normal routine like going to Work, taking walks in the local parks, I never leave without my trusty cannon camera so my love for photography helps me out alot, at times Ive done arts and crafts with painting and just creating cool artsy stuff, so just find your nitch and time will fly quick.Last but not lease as long as you a good circle of friends you cant go wrong. I hope this helps some.