Social Question
Trying to make a change, I wonder what can I do to make my dad feel better?
This dude sent me a message with some thoughtfully advice, and I rethink and found I didn’t man up to face the reality. I guess what I actually want to know is what should I do about my dad now.
As someone here may don’t know what’s going on, excuse me for explaining briefly. I’m a gay in college in China, which is generally not very friendly to LGBT people. I came out about half a year ago.My dad and mom both loved me so much, and my mom took it faster. My dad said, which is the best I could expect, that I can live my own life, it’s okay. When I returned home a month later, he still talked to me and told me I don’t need to be so exclusive because I haven’t dated a girl, though I had already said many times that sexual orientation can’t be changed, saying it’s parents’ responsibility to remind children.
3 months later I returned home again during summer break. He acted as usual trying to pretend nothing happened but all his moves and a call before I came back home implied he still had lots of pressure. After all, the environment and people in China. I guess all dads(or all straight guys) don’t express their emotions very often, and so is my dad. I figured he needed time to take this, so we didn’t talk about this very often. Several days ago he said “You being gay has changed everything.” I sent him some articles from PFLAG (which is amazing…China literally don’t have any information for parents or gays..Some of us, including me, are translating English materials, though) and told him gently that it;s okay and every parent would feel this way, but I’m here, the same person and I’m his son, always have, always will.
Today I carefully talked with him about some topics about gay, and he told me that he can handle the pressure, and all I need to care is myself.(Which is right, I guess..:b)
That’s it.. And I found part of what I’m anxious about is that it’s funny but I found I don’t know much about my dad..My mom took care of me, maybe that’s part of the reason. I think they’re kinda like Phil and Claire in Modern family but not that harmonious. They do both love me deeply, though. And me, too.
So I guess I’m trying to ask is, what should I do about my dad? Actually before I came out or even knew I was gay, we don’t talk too much, either. It’s like I know he’s there, he loves me but we kinda don’t share much things in common.So now should I just, like he said, know he’s there for me, and mind my own business, or is there anything I can do to make him feel better?
Thanks a lot for going through all these, and for all your help, literally.:)