Why do people hate prenups so much?

As for the argument that “having a prenup means that you expect a marriage to fail”, then why do people get car insurance with collision? “Having collision means that you expect your car to be totally wrecked!” I see the two as very similar.

My guess would be, @seekingwolf that your personality is such that you would only come close to marrying someone who understands your point of view. It could easily be put off on having to guarantee your sister’s future. That you have to know that whatever you’re able to put back will be spent on her welfare.

At a time when people are supposedly committing themselves to one another, one person is forcing the other to legally agree to a role as a temporary companion who can easily be discarded at the convenience of the partner with more assets and power.

@ibstubro She has a trust so no, I wouldn’t be paying for her day-to-day expenses but oversight, yes. I’d much rather I do it than have a snake come in and siphon off her funds as the person is disguised as a “caregiver”, as I’ve heard of this happening with other people. She actually pretty independent but she needs some overnight. She can do her ADLs just fine.

@jaytkay Then again, it doesn’t sound very romantic to strong-arm someone into marriage without a prenup so that one party feels “secure” in the relationship, knowing that the person feels compelled to stay because they don’t want to lose half of everything.

I’d personally want someone to stay with me because they want to, not because divorce is costly, catastrophic, and miserable. How many times has someone heard “I want to leave her and I don’t love her but I can’t leave, so I stay for the sake of the kids and so I don’t have to lose everything.” That’s hardly a marriage.

I guess marriage, with or without a prenup, really isn’t that romantic at all.

@jaytkay gives the argument of why people are opposed to them. And, really, it is only people who have never been through a divorce who are opposed to one.

Your situation is beyond the usually pre-nup situation, so easily explained. But many people are put off by the thought that there is planning for divorce at the time of a marriage intended for lifetime commitment.

Stick to your guns, though. Anyone who is that starry eyed to be opposed to a prenup isn’t ready to get married.

@zenvelo

Yeah, I think you’re right. My family is pretty different from others. Anyone “starry eyed” would not be happy with me. I have already been told by past boyfriends that I am not “romantic enough”..imagine that! A woman being told by men that she needs to be more romantic! snort But yeah, I need to do things right by my family first.

The social stigma of a pre-nup is as you said, expecting a marriage to fail. Beyond that it denotes a trust issue. If you are both equally ready for marriage, a pre-nup shouldn’t change that.I find that I agree with you, seekingwolf.
Divorces can be nasty, they aren’t always.
We really work ourselves into a tizzy over paperwork, don’t we?
Need paperwork to get married, need paperwork to prove married, and then we need paperwork to prove we’re no longer married.
My current relationship has no paperwork involved. We’ve been together 3 years and it has been great so far. If it comes to an end, what was mine at the beginning is still mine in the end. His stuff, his. If we can’t come to an agreement on something without paperwork being involved, are we still human?
I find it very romantic that you are looking to take care of your assets ahead of time.

@Petticoatbetty Thanks. Yeah, paperwork is a mess. I am in a state that does not grant Common Law marriage (thank goodness!) so I have lived with someone for a few years and there is no “marital property” or other nonsense. If a live-in relationship breaks up in my state, both parties take their respective things and leave. That’s how I’d want marriage to be for myself at least, if it had to come to an end.

I am not naive enough to believe that just because you want something to last for the rest of your life means that it will happen. People cheat, people turn to drugs, etc. It’s cute to see couples together 60–70 years down the line but I don’t think I have enough faith in humanity to want to tie myself financially to a person in a way that would have me bleeding money if I had to leave for whatever reason.

When you’re in love and getting married, you don’t typically think divorce is much of a possibility. Naive, certainly, but love is blind. I do see it as a trust issue as well, though. Romance aside, if my husband wanted a prenup and said “I’m just protecting myself,” my response would be, “From me?” And car insurance isn’t really a valid argument if we’re talking about marriage. If it were an arranged marriage, perhaps, but most of us don’t think of our marriages as business contracts that we may one day want out of.

It’s easy to be logical about the possibility of divorce when you’re single. I was. I never thought much about prenups before I got married, but my ideas about relationships and marriage changed quite a bit once I actually experienced it all. We never considered a prenup, and we’re far from “starry-eyed.”

@livelaughlove21

I have been in several LTRs, including a live-in one. I am not this unexperienced, forever-single woman. Love is not blind in my experience. Despite being in love, I always considered a prenup, always. You are probably much more emotional than I am. I don’t act on emotions like that. My family and I have too much to lose.

I guess because it makes it seem like an opposition towards the commitment which marriage entails. But since marriage is built around shitloads of paperwork, contracts and other governmental strings, it’s probably a good idea to get prenups. You may not get divorced, but since there’s so much you have very little say in, if you do break up at least you’ll have some type of backup.
And I really don’t give a shit what people’s opinions are, if I ever get married I’m getting prenups.
It’s extremely unlikely that I’ll ever marry though, as I find the whole thing unnecessary. If I pledge my love to someone, I do it to that person, not to God or or some dudes in offices.

I laugh at the fools who thought you weren’t romantic. I’m also in a state that doesn’t support common law.
@livelaughlove21 Love is not blind. Lust is. When you love, you care about every facet of that person. Their hopes, dreams, plans. If they want a prenup, the person should respect that and leave it as is. It’s not personal toward them, it would be that way with anyone.
@Symbeline Marriage is a great fallacy that society threw upon us. I embrace any that reject the notion. Carry on.

@seekingwolf Not quite. I’m not very emotional at all. I’m not all that romantic either. I just remember having a rigid set of guidelines regarding what I expected out of a marriage but those things didn’t matter much once my relationship with my husband got to the point of considering marriage. And it’s not a matter of, “Oh, there’s no way we’ll ever get divorced. We’re so madly in love!” Signing a prenup just literally never came up. It wasn’t something we even thought of as a possibility.

I think we go from highly idealistic before marriage to more relaxed and slightly naive once we’re getting married – and then some of us become jaded and/or more logical/realistic after a divorce, which explains why prenups are more common in second, third, etc. marriages than in first marriages.

I never said you were some little girl who’s never had a real boyfriend. I was simply answering your question from my own point of view. My bad if you didn’t like it.

Anyone truly in it for you,should have no problem with a prenup.
And people that get all bent out of shape because of the thought of a prenup ,are just looking for a safe way out.
My brother in laws wife had no problem with a prenup,because she wanted him not his stuff.
Stick to your guns,but again what if he wants you to sign one as well?
Would YOU have a problem with one in your direction?

@livelaughlove21

Well, my last relationship got very close to marriage. I was going to make him my domestic partner (so we could share health insurance but not get married) and I wanted to get married after I was done with school and so did he. We had lived together for years, known each other over a decade. Things happened though. I didn’t see it at all the way that you do so I don’t think everyone thinks that way. I did want a prenup and told him this, that we’d both have to get lawyers.

I do not believe that love should be connecting money.

Thankfully, for my sister’s sake, I am not naive. I do not believe that everyone is like that, although those that are and end up getting divorced, they will understand the need for a prenup only after they’ve been burned.

Nothing wrong with having a prenup. People with money do it all the time. It has nothing to do with predicting divorce in my opinion. Young people who are poor and middle class tend to not need one, because they have very little when they get married and they build their wealth together. Most states are 50/50 states at the time if divorce, but not all.

Ensuring protecting money and asserts gained before marriage seems reasonable. The law somewhat covers that already. Future earnings and assets is more tricky. Even if you get a divorce, during marriage you are hopefully working as a unit to create your wealth and maintain it. Only if one person knows they are super-big earners, like already famous and rich or have fortunes that continue to produce fortunes, is there really a big need to protect future earnings.

In FL, and probably other states too, even if one spouse owns the house in only their name, if the other spouse lives there and it is their permanent residence they have some rights to the ownership of the home.

Recently, I have seen a lot of TV shows with rich people getting married to either another rich person or someone in a lower class then themselves and they are outraged a prenup is suggested. That’s just ridiculous. It is a matter of course for the wealthy.

@seekingwolf “I didn’t see it at all the way that you do so I don’t think everyone thinks that way.”

Nor did I say that everyone did…

Some people do get prenups, so clearly those people don’t feel the way I do.

I have nothing against prenups, and I would’ve signed one if my husband asked me to, but like I said, it was just something that we never even considered. Maybe I’ll regret that and maybe I wont.

@SQUEEKY2

Absolutely not. I had a LTR with a much older man who made a lot of money. At the time, I was a student and made nothing. We discussed marriage and while he had no children, he had adult step children, and I felt that if we were to marry, we’d need a prenup, not just for me, but for him and those adult kids. I did not want to take his retirement. He was building that before I was born. I did not feel that it was mine and I told him this.

I find it highly unlikely that I’ll be with someone who makes more than me (I don’t have a lot of interest in rich men) but if I did end up with someone like that and he wanted me to sign a prenup to protect himself, I would be fine with that, but I’d need to add my own provisions to protect myself and property, for my family.

I am making my own income and I don’t need anyone’s money.

@seekingwolf I hope if you marry a rich man that you don’t sign something that gives you no rights to some of his money or things bought by him that have basically become yours during the marriage.

During a good marriage typically the wealth is enjoyed by the couple and the lifestyle becomes a new normal. Not that I think someone should take a rich spouse to the cleaners in divorce, but thinking you would be just fine going back to your old normal isn’t something that might necessarily pan out. It’s hard to know how you will feel in the future, because it’s hard to know what the circumstances will be.

If you want a prenup then simply don’t ever get married. That’s about the only thing that will hold up in court anyway outside of common law. I find the way divorces get handled to be absurd. Once the lawyers get involved all of the money is simply looted by them. Dwellings and certain assets should be handled appropriately. Retirement accounts should be off limits.

@ARE_you_kidding_me

You don’t think that prenups are enforceable in court? If both parties have adequate representation and no children are had, then they can be.

Secularly speaking it is about the only smart way to do. And with many who think they are in the Family, they may need it too, since they are thinking more like those who are not.

@JLeslie I don’t believe that a spouse is entitled to the other’s wealth once the marriage is over. That’s why it’s important, in my mind, that both parties make a living for themselves and are self-sufficient, even if one makes more than the other.

It’s unlikely that I’ll marry someone wealthy but if I did, I would be okay with signing away the rights to his wealth after the marriage. Would divorce be a “downgrade” in lifestyle? Well yes but that’s how it’s supposed to be in my mind, if you don’t have children with the other person.

Maybe I’d kick myself in the rear later because greed would kick in and I’d be upset that I didn’t get a piece of that wealth but maybe someday, I can take solace in the fact that I acted with integrity and got a prenup that would protect his wealth from me. If he made it, I do not believe it is mine to have. And I feel the same way about my own assets.

I think a prenup is just a way of facing and stating the facts. It’s hell on the myth of story book love, but then again the majority of us would be far better off if the myth took more reality whippings.

@seekingwolf They can be invalidated for many reasons. If it’s not rock solid then they are useless.

@ARE_you_kidding_me

Yes, that’s why it’s very important that they are made fairly and with both sides having legal representation. I’ve heard of them getting thrown for ridiculous clauses too. Like, I’ve heard of one with a “weight gain clause” for the woman. Ridiculous!

If you have children with that person, prenups are more likely to be tossed out. The interests of the children come first, of course.

However, if no children are had, then I think they ought to be upheld, assuming they are airtight.

@seekingwolf It isn’t greed. Let’s say the man is much wealthier. Wealthy people have a different lifestyle. Often if he is in a high powered, high money earning position the wife takes on a role supporting that. She helps him be as great as he can be. The wife also might help with financial choices and so over time the wealth becomes hers to some extent, because her role has value. It might not be half the fortune, but her role has value.

I don’t mean in the way that housewives and stay at home moms say their job is worth $80k if you had to pay someone to do what they do. I mean, usually the less financially productive spouse winds up giving up some ambition. Not always, but I see it a lot.

Also, I don’t know how prenups affect what happens if he dies? If he has no will is it like saying you have no right to his money and his relatives can stake a claim? I don’t know how the law works for that. That would suck.

@JLeslie

I guess I don’t share that point of view. See, I grew up with 2 well-paid parents who had careers, and we lived very modestly, not lavishly, even though we could afford to. Both were in high money earning positions, and no one took a backseat to the other. So such was not my experience, where one takes a back seat.

If the female wants to take a backseat to her husband in terms of earning power, that’s great but it’s HER choice. No one says that she HAS to do that, it’s her choice alone. And if she does that even without a prenup, well, that’s her taking a risk. I don’t really have any sympathy for women, sans kids, who cry about not getting more $$ in the divorce from a rich husband when they chose to stay at home and sponge off of his money. Suck it buttercup, as they say. She should probably marry without a prenup so she can ensure she can get her claws into his $$ if they divorce (assuming no children). I see that as greedy and no one will be able to tell me otherwise, but it doesn’t really matter, as it’s unlikely I’ll marry into wealth and I don’t want to be with a lazy man who doesn’t have a career of his own.

I see it differently when the woman stays home to raise the children within the marriage but I’m assuming no kids here…I don’t really assign a lot of value to a stay-at-home, able-bodied homemaker without kids. Sorry, that just reeks lazy to me. But apparently a lot of wealthy men agree with me, because they force the wives-to-be to sign prenups!

I wouldn’t have a problem with signing away access to a future husband’s wealth. Someone who is jetsetting half of the week and wants to live a high-end life is not for me anyway. That is just not the way I live. If I married someone wealthy who had so much money but wanted to waste part of it on silly expensive cars and the like, that’s his prerogative but not mine, not for me. He can keep his money.

Prenups are not the same as a will. If there is a prenup but no will and he dies, then you, as the legal wife, would be his next-of-kin and would have his assets. Prenups are only in the event of a divorce, not a death.

Spouses are limited in most states by how much they can cut their spouses and/or children out of their wills.

Everyone should prepare their own wills though.

It doesn’t have to be sponging. I don’t know how much you make, but let’s say you make $150k and your husband makes $250k. He gets a job offer for $350k in Europe and you both decide that would be a great experience. You leave your job and work outside of your field for less during the 2 year stint. You come back to America and eventually are able to secure a job again for good pay. A few years later he is paid off. Now you both are living on your $170k when you used to make over $500k combined with bonuses. Luckily you have always lived modestly for your incomes, but it gets scary and your husband is getting depressed. A job comes through for him out if state. Do you move?

I wouldn’t move in the first place, nor would I work outside of my field for lesser pay. What’s the point of having a professional degree if I don’t put it to use? Flitting around not doing much for 2 years so he can make 100k more for a couple years? What a terrible idea! It puts a hole in my career timeline while it destabilizes our living situation. Who on earth would go for that?

No, there’s no way in heck I’d make that choice. And I wouldn’t move out of state either. I mean, what about my sister? Anyone who would be with me would know better than to ask me to move so far.

For the record, I don’t plan on making more than 80–90k/year. I could maybe do more in the field but that’s plenty for me. Right now I make under 20k/year and I live alone in a 1 nice br in a nice neighborhood so I am doing well with what I make. I know how to make money stretch. The idea of destabilizing myself and dropping everything so the hubs can make 100k more is mind boggling.

Then just make sure before you get married that your husband would never consider moving either. That just became part if your top 5 requirements for a spouse. I say just half joking, I’m sure you already have known that about yourself.

If by mind boggling you mean you never even thought about such a thing, then we are talking about totally different situations. My husband was making just under $30k when we got married and he now makes well over $100k. I would not have guessed he would make as much has he has, nor was I looking for someone rich. Not that we are rich, but we have a very nice upper middle class income. He made sure while we were dating that I would be willing to move, because he knew he was open to it for his career.

If you read the book about the habits of wealthy couples (I can find out the exact title if you have a real interest) it shows that wealthy couples have a very team oriented view of their relationship and money is usually intertwined with the team aspect. They have financial goals they work on together. Also, married couples are much more likely to develop more wealth then singles. Divorce is brutal on wealth for both parties usually. It’s all just statistics and averages, there absolutely are single people who are financially extremely successful.

I wanted to reiterate, I think it is fine to put in writing what you want to protect for yourself regarding things you already own before marriage so it is very clear if there is any question. Just know to check the laws if your spouse lives with you in your house.

Even inheritance money can come under question. For instance, I I inherent money from my parents while married and always keep it in my name separate from my husband, by law usually the money is protected outside if any 50/50 laws regarding divorce. If I deposit it in a joint account with him, comingle the funds, most likely I will have to split it.

As @Petticoatbetty describes ” If it comes to an end, what was mine at the beginning is still mine in the end. His stuff, his.” That seems really sensible and reasonable to most folks.

However, after 25 years it might not be so easy to remember to whom something belongs, and there is still the problem of what to do with wealth (stuff and $) accumulated during those 25 years.

@dabbler: Prenups, like any other contract that may cover a span of time and changing circumstances, can (and probably should) be revisited from time to time to account for those changes.

My goal has never to acquire wealth. If I wanted that, I’d obviously have to try for someone wealthy and not get a prenup. I can provide for myself. My goal is to do what I know is best and protect myself and my family.

Inheritance is yours as long as you dont put it in a joint account. My parents each got an inheritance and kept them separate and used them for their own things.

But at the end of the day, if marriage meant that I would jeopardize the family house, I wouldn’t marry at all. It would not be worth it. I’m not willing to put a man’s name on it.

I thought it was pretty obvious that I’m not willing to move. My family is here. I don’t want to go anywhere else. I have to date local or find someone who wants to move where I am. Pretty straightforward.

Right now I am trying to weigh if it’s something I want to strive for at all. I’m the sort of person who only enters relationships when I’m actually looking for one. If I am not looking, I’ll stay single. I have to decide if it’s worth another try, if the benefits outweigh the cons. So far, it’s not looking good.

@dabbler
You have to adjust it over time. Or keep a list. I lived with a boyfriend for a few years and every time we got something, we would verbalize whose it was and who would get it in the event of a split. I kept a list actually. Boy, that made things easier at the end. There were no disagreements, at least, not about the property. He was upset at the end of it but at least he couldn’t claim that I took anything that I wasn’t entitled to.

People forget that a marriage license is nothing more than a pre-nup. It declares how government-related interests will be handled during the marriage (income taxes, bankruptcies, etc.), and how assets and debits will be handled at death or divorce. Beyond that, the definition of marriage is determined by the individuals, their culture, or their religion.

A pre-nup that a couple gets can be viewed as a personalized and itemized amendment to a marriage license. My son and finance are currently in the process of creating a pre-nup. He’s by no means wealthy, but he has sentimental assets (inheritance) and a heck of a good start on his retirement investments that he wants to protect. If the marriage lasts until his death, it’s all hers. But if it doesn’t, it’s all his. They live in a community property state, and agree that assets accumulated together would get split evenly.

@JLeslie Wealthy people have a different lifestyle. Often if he is in a high powered, high money earning position the wife takes on a role supporting that. She helps him be as great as he can be.
Or ride his coat tail to prominence until she has tired of him, then seek to leave reliving him of half his wealth or more.

Since many feel marriage is some money grab by the State, they should just cohabitate, then what is his, is his, what is hers is hers. When that times comes to go find the next person to make you happy no one has to feel the other is trying to take something they worked hard for.

@Hypocrisy_Central You really should read the Millionaire Mind by Stanley. Read the chapter about relationships and you will see how wealthy couples think about their spouses and what they value.

Sure there are some women who marry for money, but many couples who built their wealth together the biggest bread winner takes the lead in growing his career. The wife might very well work also.

I didn’t work for about 5 years. I completely appreciated the luxury. But, it makes it easier for my husband to focus in his career if I am doing everything for the house, errands, and I even help plan the trips for his hobby. I’m working part time now and thinking about full time. We’ll see. I don’t have to work.

@seekingwolf As much as I think you can plan whether to marry or not, there still is always the wild card of falling in love and wanting to be with that person the rest of your life.

In my experience people who keep their money’s completely separate and who always are sure to say which material thing is whose wind up breaking up or divorced. Money is symbolic if the relationship to some extent.

If your not married I think it’s better to keep it all separate, don’t get me wring, I’m talking about in marriage.

@JLeslie

Sorry, I don’t really experience love that way. I’m getting pretty sick of this nonsensical “Ohhh you’ll just fall in love”. Not everyone is like that. I don’t “fall in love” like that and have never fallen in love prior to deciding to be with someone. That’s called lust and that is no basis for a relationship. Many pragmatic people are like myself in this regard. Love is a choice. I make the active choice to be with someone based on other factors and then love comes much later, if it comes at all.

My parents have kept their money separate and have been together almost 30 years. I don’t believe that people who pool their money (which I think is foolish, btw) are more likely to stay together. If you take money = love, you’re in for a rough road.

I’m probably better off staying single. The older I get, the more I realize what a farce it was, how much time I have wasted with people who I ended up leaving anyway.

Everyone is different. I am not one of those people who believe people should get married. You should do whatever you want.

You certainly don’t need to write off men altogether. I’m sure there is a perfect match for you and your view on money if you decide you do want to be in a relationship.

Like I said, nothing wrong with you wanting to protect your wealth.

Doubt it. I don’t have much of a sex drive either and no desire to change that. Some people are better off alone. I am very lonely living alone and am in a good position to date but at this point but I just want to move back in with family. I’m not even sure why I bothered to ask this question. It is probably a bad idea and marriage would no doubt hurt me financially, not better me.

There many people who just don’t find a “perfect match”. I’m not going to delude myself into thinking that. The soulmate concept is just not true.

I don’t believe in soulmates. Marriages that stand the test of time usually mostly have to do with a partnership in very realistic terms, not the idealism of love and soulmates.

I love my husband. It’s mostly because I have fun hanging out with him (like hanging out with my mom or my sister. He’s family). He helps to encourage me (usually). I learn from him. We take adventures together. Our sex life is severely hampered by health problems. I wish it wasn’t the case, but it is. We still cuddle, and we still have plenty of things that are not sex related that keep us bonded.

That’s nice that you two have each other. I am glad that I have my family. They are more worthwhile to me than any relationship I have had or could have. My only regret is that I wasted time in relationships that I ultimately grew tired of and dumped when I could have spent that time with family.

I truly, truly regret that.

@JLeslie We still cuddle, and we still have plenty of things that are not sex related that keep us bonded.
What? People stay together when they can’t boink like bunnies? Shut the front door! That must be great for the Amish, here in the US no boinking, lots of balking leading to walking (away). ~~

I was with a man in a LTR for a while, we didn’t live together but we were together through a good chuck of my time in college, and we rarely had sex. He was much older and he had a lot of health issues that prevented us from being intimate. He was also very obese. Like me, he had a low drive. I have a low drive due to medications but I like my meds and don’t want to change them. It worked out in that regard, just didn’t work out for other reasons.

I think I tend to lose respect for men extremely quickly and it’s very easy for me to detach and dump them, devastating them in the process. Thus, it’s hard for me to enjoy sex. No respect = no love = no sex. In my last relationship, I had to “push” myself mentally into sex and I hated it.

Too bad most people who have naturally low drives (not due to health issues or medication) are usually loony tunes and have a host of issues I’d rather not deal with.

@canidmajor and @seekingwolf Yes, indeedy you’d want to update a pre-nup as circumstances change, I agree completely.

Going back to the original question, I was pointing to good reasons why to have a pre-nup, that after some while it could be difficult to clarify everything as neatly. It’s not the sort of thing that can be easily done during the emotional upset of a separation/divorce, that’s for sure.

We have sex sometimes, it’s just rare. It sucks! If I didn’t have troubles I would have sex every day.

I haven’t read all the previous responses, but I’d guess it’s about a perceived lack of trust in your partner’s integrity. That in the event of a break-up, the party with less is going to try to take what belongs to the party with more. Putting a prenup in place assumes both or one party can’t be trusted to be fair and decent.

The reality is when a relationship fails, some people behave badly. The person you thought you could trust and knew, may not be the person you face as you try to divvy up the material and financial possessions in existence at the end of a relationship.

I’m not opposed to them. I think they’re sensible. They not only set down some ground rules before everyone is upset and/or angry and they provide a snapshot of the financial position of both parties at the start of the relationship. This is what person A brings with them and this is what person B brings. This is what person B can expect to take away should the relationship fail. However, if the relationship has been long, the snapshot may bear no resemblance to the situation and the end and a prenup could be fairly useless.

I don’t think it is a trust issue necessarily. Wanting to protect assets after you have worked hard for them or they have sentimental value makes sense.

@JLeslie, if you’re the person protecting your assets, of course you feel justified. If you’re the person on the other end of the equation, you might feel the ‘richer’ person lacks trust in you. That their need for a prenup reflects their belief that you won’t behave in a civilised, reasonable fashion should the relationship end. The idea that you’re a gold digger who’s going to rip them off. I’m not saying this is truth, but this is how someone being asked to sign a prenup might feel.

I wouldn’t feel like that. If I married someone much wealthier than me I wouldn’t be shocked they want a prenup. The wealthy almost always have prenups. I wouldn’t sign away all my rights though.

When I got married we were young, didn’t have much money (I had more) and my husband and I built our lives together, including our financial lives. He earns much more than me in the last ten years, but everything is pooled together.

If we divorced or God forbid he died and I married again, I wouldn’t be keen on intermingling all of my funds with whoever is new whether they had more money than me or less. It’s not trust, it’s just that the money I bring into the relationship I would feel is mine. The money we acquire during the relationship I would feel differently about. Over years I probably would feel less of a line drawn.

I heard a quote somewhere about “the person you marry is not the person that you divorce”. It’s a sobering thought. Of course, it’s easy to make promises about this and that and saying that you’ll always honour your partner when you’re about to get married and everything is peachy…but if you get divorced, it’s a different matter.

@JLeslie, I wouldn’t feel that way either. However, the question wasn’t how do YOU feel about prenups but why do PEOPLE hate prenups. Some people aren’t as understanding as you or I. I think prenups are perfectly reasonable. They’re a safeguard against many things.

@seekingwolf, and that was my experience. I didn’t recognise the person my ex became. Luckily we didn’t have a great deal of wealth to manage.

I would never do a pre-nup. Here it’s not important anyway. Unless you have a large estate or expect a windfall inheritance, they’re not important. In my last marriage when it was brought up I said I don’t care if we marry I’m not signing anything. Saved my life. Just my opinion.

I just want to point out with the “gold digging” phrase being thrown around that if a spouse during divorce wants to try to take the spouse for everything they have, some of the time that is because the wealthier spouse was a horrible horrible person. Maybe not initially, but during the marriage things changed. Wanting to get some money during a divorce has to do with many different things. It is not necessarily reflective of the intentions at the time they first got marriage.