When the time comes, do you expect your grown children to be there, or at least be with you in your final days?

You can never predict how fast or slowly your death may come. I wouldn’t expect my kids to put their lives on hold for months to sit by my bedside, but I would expect them to make an effort to come to wherever I am to see me while I was dying and/or for a funeral. And I believe they would do so.

@janbb So you would expect them to be there for at least the funeral.
Thanks for your answer.

Yes – although seeing them before I died would be more important to me.

My daughter is 27 and we have a great relationship but, as @janbb says, one never knows.
She could move to Europe or somewhere far away and unless there was plenty of advance notice vs. a sudden death I’m sure she’d be with me. No funeral for me, a quick cremation with no formal memorial service, waste of time and money. Dust in the wind. haha

@SQUEEKY2 What part of So. America? Why are you opposed to traveling there, might be an adventure. I hear Nicaragua is becoming a hot retirement zone. I myself looked at Panama & Costa Rica a few years ago.

what children?

@ragingloli so I guess you wont expect them then?

I would certainly hope not.
And if for some reason I did, I would make sure to only leave behind a mountain of debt, so they do not inherit anything.

OOhhh you have a touch of an evil side don’t ya @ragingloli ?

I’ve never thought that far ahead & about such a weighty topic.
I guess they’ll do whatever feels right for them, which is good enough for me.

@ucme nice answer thanks.

Nee botha big fella.

I wouldn’t mind if they are with me – although with luck it won’t be for a while. And the kids have told me that they would want to be,

But it’s not something I would demand or even expect. Why would they want to sit next to the bed of a crotchety old man?

I’d rather that (after I am gone) that they remember me for what a good dad I was.

I would hope my daughter would care enough to make an effort to see me if I were very ill and on the verge of death. I hope my relationship with her is a good one so that she would want to do this. She is 7 now so there’s no telling how things will end up.

Of course I cannot or would not demand it. I would just hope for it and appreciate the effort if she does.

Same answer as @jca, except my daughter is twelve.

They would attempt to be there if it was practicable I’m sure but it isn’t something I would wish on them.

It’s hard to answer this given how much circumstances change over the yeas, and where we might be.

My kids are teens and live with me now. I do not expect my children to care for me or hold my hand unless I am checking out that day or the next.

Although I live in California, my girlfriend lives in Colorado. Neither of us can move right now but I can see myself moving to Colorado in a couple years. And if my kids are in school they’ll be gone away from home anyway. Colorado would mean they couldn’t come back home on the weekends, but that’s okay.

So, as I age, I don’t expect them to be visiting that much. They’ll always be welcome, but not expected to attend.

No children. I shall go into this good night alone.

I think, death aside, if I were very ill, I’d want at least one of them to be with me. Maybe not to stay until I am either better or gone, but just for a while, to reassure me I am not all alone. After I am gone, I will not care. I have made it clear that any usable parts medicine might want of my leftovers, they are welcome to have. I should hope my kids would remember me fondly, but I hope they don’t need my carcass present to do that.
I want to love me while I can know it.
@marinelife , does that feel lonely, or are you okay with it?

@Here2_4 Well, it’s regret of mine and my husband’s that we were not able to have children, but we are OK with it since it is.

I’d like them to be with me, but who knows where they will be when that happens. I wasn’t with my own father (as much I would have liked to have been). We can’t predict the nature of our death and people move around a lot more now than they did decades ago.

I flew from Japan to Florida to be with my Dad and make decisions during his final days. I’d like my kids to do the same.

I can’t imagine an adult child not wanting a final farewell and time spent with their ill parents. I was able to visit my mother occasionally when she was ill, but not nearly as much as I wanted since I lived 60 miles from her. I’m still envious of the time my two sisters had with my mother before she died. They lived much closer and were able to help more during her final months. They were able to see my mother on good days when she was alert. I didn’t get the chance and it still hurts me emotionally.

I was brought up in a loving home witb the expectation that family members help one another when possible. I’m doing the same with my children.

I’ve tried to keep a close relationship with my one and only child, who is in his early 20s and lives with me. He’d be there for me now, but down the road if/when he meets a life partner, things may change and I have to be realistic about that. I can only hope that he’ll pair up with someone that I get along with very well.

I don’t expect such a thing, but I would hope my children would want to spend that time if they could afford to.

“I just won’t travel to South America when his time comes.”. @SQUEEKY2, would you if he asked you to? Or offered to pay for your trip?

@canidmajor If he really insisted on it,and payed the way maybe, and that is a little maybe.