My boyfriend and I want to move in together. My boyfriend smokes weed and I work for a government agency. If he gets caught, I could get fired if I am living with him. Should I move in with him?

Well, is he more important than your job?

Wow….good job in narcing out your brother and boyfriend….

Do they know about this?

Weed smoking is illegal. You need to decide if your boyfriend or your career path is more important to you and break up with one or the other accordingly.

I would hold up for a while if I were you

To be fair, 25 – 30 years ago I would probably have said screw it and done it anyway but I guess with age comes maturity.

I’ve smoked weed with plenty of government employees. And they weren’t mailmen. Nobody cares about weed.

Yes, they know what I wrote. I was being polygraphed right after and they said to write anything down that might cause issues with my answers to the polygraph.

Illegal downloading they don’t care about, drugs they most certainly do. People in my position have been investigated because of it, some fired.

I don’t see how you could get fired if you have told your work that your boyfriend smokes weed.

People in your position have been fired because they cohabited with a pot head, even though they, themselves, were clean?

Yes, that is my understanding. I’m more worried about the fact that he goes and picks up weed for other people and the possibility that he will get caught and be charged with distribution. He does not see this as a problem, just doing a favor for one of his friends or his boss that’s all it is to him.

But they can’t tie you to the weed or knowledge of any distribution. Tell him you do not want to have any knowledge of any transportation of drugs.

Do you live in a state that’s easing the drug laws? Most are. Maybe you just need to delay moving in until the restrictions are eased?

We’re in Kansas, so if anything we could probably move to the Missouri border and make the drive to work.

I recommend moving to a country that is less of a police state. Even putting aside for the moment the idea that smoking weed (as opposed to selling it) could be illegal, it’s inconceivable to me that an employer would fire someone for things that the employee’s significant other did. What the hell.

I guess you must decide if the grass is greener on the other side, chill ya beef mon :)

I find it very hard to believe that an employer would fire an employee because their boyfriend or girlfriend smokes weed and they don’t. Government agency or not, I simply don’t believe it. If he gets busted for distribution and you don’t get into any legal trouble, it’s none of your employer’s business, especially if you can pass a drug test if it’s required.

If it were the flip side, I would not. If a woman that wants to be with me will not be willing to give up weed for me, she has shown me what is more important; and it is not me, how can I believe it will get better from there?

From my understanding, the fact that he smokes pot alone would not be the issue. The issue would be if for some reason you got busted because he had pot in your house. If that happened, you would have to report it to your security adviser (or equivalent person) right away. It would probably mean a headache for you at the least. I’m not sure exactly what it would mean for your job… that really depends exactly on what your job is.

The 2 of you should get the fk out of Kansas. Or maybe not. The bleed over from Colorado should be changing minds in your area sooner than you probably think. Grass is one of those issues that is rapidly heading away from criminality, even in the backwater geriatric regions of the country. But tell me what is it that’s keeping you in Kansas?

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d find the fact he smokes grass more of an issue for my relationship than my job.

I used to work for the US Department of Justice. I still have lots of friends there.

I don’t smoke pot. My friends don’t smoke pot.

In short, our work is a lot more interesting than smoking weed.

That’s a question you’re going to have to answer for yourself. Is he worth the risk, real or perceived (I’m leaning towards the latter) of losing your job? None of us can answer that for you. Though I really can’t see you getting in trouble because your boyfriend smokes weed or picks up a little for his friend (that would most likely be no more than a misdemeanor anyway), especially since your bosses already know this fact. And with each passing day people, including government agencies, are giving less of a fuck about weed.

@LornaLove “Maybe it’s just me, but I’d find the fact he smoked grass more of an issue for my relationship than my job.”

I’m curious, why is that?

@Darth_Algar I find ‘self medicating’ scary. I mean, if one has to self medicate then why not rather deal with the issues or challenges they avoid by smoking grass? Personally, in an ideal world I would prefer a partner that did not use mind altering substances in order to deal with life and instead dealt with it with a clear head. Another issue for me would be him transporting it. I mean, who will be around when he is in jail for possession or for accused dealing?

@Darth_Algar I’m with @LornaLove on this. It seems like it is much more than just occasionally smoking weed. “He goes and picks up weed for his boss, I mean seriously, that’s considered a…dealer.” ” He stopped smoking cigarettes and another very bad substance that is white and powdery.”
These seem like pretty darn big warning signs to me. She does not say if he is working or has any job skills.
If he is an illegal substance abuser it is far better for her to move on now before his addiction sucks the life out of her. Does she want children? Then she needs to ask herself if he is the best person she can find to be the father of those children.
I think she can do much better. She needs to think of herself and her future family.

And what of someone who unwinds with a drink or two in the evening? Is that scary?

@Darth_Algar Totally, if a person I was with needed a drink every evening I’d feel the same way. That is one drink. Two even more worrying.

Though is it not possible that a person might choose to have a drink or two (or to smoke a bowl or two) without needing it?

@Darth_Algar I don’t actually care if it’s possible or not. That is not something I would choose to have in my life. I would choose to have a partner that did not take illegal substances or mood altering substances and instead chose health and constructive ways of dealing with life.

So I am not going to ‘debate’ this. If other people do it, fine, but it’s not a choice I want in my life. Having a drink a night or a bowl or whatever is not regular behavior in my life nor part of my relationship choice. I find it even more strange that a person would choose illegal substances if they did not need it. End of subject.

@LornaLove I’m with you! That is not how I want to live.

@LornaLove I completely agree with you. I wouldn’t be with a guy that had to smoke a joint to relax every day, nor would I be with a guy who had to have a beer or two after work to relax every day. Or even just every weekend. My husband and I have never even tried weed and we very rarely drink, and yet we’ve managed to get this far without relying on drugs or alcohol to unwind or enjoy life. Working out every day, lying on the couch watching TV in the evening and taking the dog for her nightly walk works just fine for us – no need to roll up a joint instead.

I see no reason why weed should be illegal if alcohol is legal, but I really don’t care either way. I grew up surrounded by potheads and I’m very biased against it. Sure, there are much worse drugs out there, but that’s hardly a good reason to do it. I don’t care if people smoke weed, it’s their choice, but you’ll have to excuse me if I choose to not live with or date those people, or even be around them when they light up. It’s a personal choice, just like smoking weed in the first place.

But some pothead is always going to take offense to people like us saying that…

I think the pothead is the one who should be having second thoughts about moving in together. I’d tell this chic to kick rocks if she’s going to act like a rigid moralist for 100k a year.

If you choose to not live with someone who uses mind altering substances that’s fine (better include coffee and chocolate in that list though). Do not, however, make the mistake of thinking that a choice to use = a need to use or that a person cannot deal with life otherwise. And @livelaughlove21, do not make the mistake of assuming that I’m a pot user myself simply because I question people’s prejudices against it.

She is asking about the ramifications of her boyfriend using a substance that is illegal in her locations, @Darth_Algar.

Re-defining her question to fit your answer is typical, but not a valid answer.

The OP is not asking about being a Mormon.

Pay attention @ibstubro. I answered the TC’s question then began a side discussion based on another user’s post.

Pay attention @Darth_Algar.

Re-defining her question to fit your answer is typical, but not a valid answer.

@ibstubro

I know you’ve got some weird fetish with me, but really, you’re just making yourself look foolish here.

Ha!
Two of a kind? @Darth_Algar
Don’t like your tactics applied to yourself?
You made me weary first

You’re accusing me of “redefining the question” when I responded to the original post as is. Now stop before you make yourself look more imbecilic than you already have here.

Uh, guys, the pissing contest is getting kind of old.