No matter your age, if your parents did this... what would you do?

Simple: cut off any visits and communication with them until they are willing to acknowledge and accept my partner.

Put them straight, we come as a pair.

I agree with @Darth_Algar
And if I was the partner of someone with parents like that, they better agree too. If not, THEY are history.

Yep, either include my partner or I divorce the parents. Total bullshit for “adults” to behave this way unless the partner falls into the 3 A’s category of adultry, abuse or addiction.

I would tell them “we’re a package deal; we don’t accept separate invitations.”

I wouldn’t “cut them off” but I would respond to any invitation that it’s either both of us or neither.

I can’t imagine it.

I guess I wouldn’t be seeing my parents much.

Easy. We wouldn’t be visiting. If my family (parents or otherwise) can’t accept my partner, they’ll have to expect to see very little of me. I just wouldn’t pander to that sort of bullshit.

If it was my partner who was being asked to exclude me and he chose to do it, he wouldn’t be my partner.

If the relationship was very new, and not yet really solidified, I could understand family not inviting the ‘latest’ person but if you’re in a committed relationship, family needs to accept you or accept they won’t see their relative very often.

My partner’s parents are extremely possessive people. I have completely cut them off, but my partner is having a more difficult time with addressing them (they were emotionally and verbally abusive parents.) I desperately want my partner to cut them off as well, but it’s not as easy to do as it sounds so I am respecting their boundaries.

But they treated me and our relationship like shit. They’re terrible people and they don’t deserve to see my partner this holiday. Bah humbug.

As for my parents, I told my partner very early in our relationship that if my parents did not accept them, for whatever reason, that they would either have to deal with it or I’d hit the highway. Thankfully, I was never put in the same situation my partner was in.

I feel the same way everyone else does here. I will be honest and say I am having a tough time with this. It’s been a year and a half now. I find them to be abusive to him (threatening to disown him, like please do us a favor). If it had been my parents I would have told them to like it or lump it. The lengths they go to, to get attention is astounding. I am already suffering depression and this is just making it worse as often he arrives home after being there looking ‘grey’. @muppetish I’ve kind of taken the same position, as in, let him deal with it I’ll respect those boundaries. I don’t have a lot of respect for manipulative people in general though. Which they are. I wish they’d been different as I have no family of my own now and was looking forward to joining a family, but I guess I’m the horrible person who stole him away. @Earthbound_Misfit Yes and one would think if the person made your adult child happy that would be all that mattered.When we met he was severely depressed without a future but now I’ve managed to get him on track to a career. @JLeslie Yes I’d do the same unfortunately. @zenvelo That sounds like a respectful approach. @Coloma I agree, they are not adults or at least not behaving so. @anniereborn I agree. I am pretty torn as this is not a future I had envisaged. @ucme Just as ‘they’ are a pair I feel so are we. @Darth_Algar agreed. Any way, Sunday for me is going to be a very long day as they travel up North which is hundreds of miles away. I guess I will spend it on fluther!

You’re in a difficult situation. Even if we can see a person’s family doesn’t have their best interests at heart, they have to see it and be prepared to stand up to them. That can be an incredibly difficult step to take. I hope for his own sake he does stand up to them and supports you as his partner. I’m sure you wouldn’t suggest cutting them off completely, but you can’t always be expected to play second fiddle to them and their unreasonable behaviour.

Just to clarify how I think about it, I wouldn’t completely cut off from my parents or try to get my SO to do that if it were his parents. I just mean time with the parents would be noticeably limited. Pretty sure there would be zero holidays with them, because during holiday time especially I am not going to desert my SO.

Are you married? Might they change if you were married? I’m not pushing marriage, but they might have some sort of thing about being able to treat you like an outsider until you’re married.

Does he have siblings? Is this a pattern with the patents? My husband’s family has patterns they are completely unaware of when an adult child moved out, when they marry, it’s stunning how oblivious they are to it.

Oh, hell no. If your partner hasn’t set this straight in a year and a half, I’d call it a lost cause. This is disrespectful to you and your well being. Some people can never cut the cord. Whatever the reason, if your SO doesn’t care enough to do something in a year and a half then the onus is yours. How long will you let yourself be treated like a pariah?