How can I deal with someone who is too rational?

If I didn’t have to associate with someone like that, I wouldn’t. I would avoid him. I feel like I don’t have time to try to figure out people who may not be logical.

I am with @jca . It sounds like he is at a different end of the autism spectrum from you.
If you are having problems with this now, when the relationship is new and people are presumably on their best behavior, it will only be worse down the line.

I work with a guy who is both “a Christian and part Aspie”. (His words.) He is competent, capable and efficient at writing software code. However, he has no empathy and relates all bad things to some Bible quote or rule. If we were trapped in a room for more than two hours I’d kill him. .
He cannot change, and likely your guy can’t either. Ask yourself honestly, do you want to go through life like this?
Don’t waste precious time and emotions on him. You won’t find someone different if you continue to spend your life with him.

I am inclined to agree with the others that this relationship is hopeless but, being the argumentative person that I am, I would try to give a simple explanation. I would ask the guy if he sees any distinction between romance and sex. If you have a meaningful conversation on anything or experience a sunrise together or exchange gifts, are all of these simply preludes to having sex? If he does not see any difference between romance and sex then I would tell him that I feel deeply sorry for him for not being able to experience some of life’s greatest pleasures. I would also tell him that I need to find someone who does see the difference.

I would leave the premises after the end of the first hour of a 3-hour conversation, no matter what the topic. Therapists don’t call it “the 50-minute hour” for no reason.

I can relate to some extent because I spent the past year and a half with someone who over-rationalizes everything to the point of coming across as unfeeling and insensitive at times. He was never really good at expressing affection towards me, which just angered me to no end. I tried my hardest to get him to change the way he expressed himself towards me but it would last for a short time and then things would revert back to the way they were. I wonder sometimes if he is part Vulcan.

Ultimately I realized that I wasn’t going to change him, no matter how wonderful or awesome I though he was in other ways. I knew I would either have to accept and deal with it or move on.

As difficult as it has been for me to leave him, I chose to move on.

Uh, forget about him. Violas! Problem solved.

Wait… Seeing @gailcalled ‘s comment about the 3 hours and rereading the comment: “We were laying in bed just holding each other and he stood and had a 3 hour conversation/q&a about my motives. If my affection is sexual he needs sex, theres no just laying down. Because I “use” him for having my way of sexual satisfaction on my part for just holding him.”
It occurred to me there might be more to this.
The OP and the guy are presumably adults over 18. What if the guy thinks her actions imply ‘sex tonight’ but in her mind she plans on just getting into bed and holding each other for hours and see where it goes? That might be OK for some people – if that plan is understood up front. But for a guy under 65 with a healthy testosterone level, that could prove to be one very frustrating evening.
Maybe, unsurprisingly, he thinks that being invited into bed with an attractive, passionate woman means some activity beyond holding will take place. While OP thinks it is a perfect place to snuggle for 3 hours. 3 looong hours… I’d go nuts! And I don’t even have a prostate!

Obviously that is speculation as I wasn’t there and only see the info the posted.

@LuckyGuy That’s a valid point, but it doesn’t say that she wanted to snuggle for three hours. It says the conversation he started regarding her motives lasted 3 hours. Still, I never understood the whole snuggling without sex thing with a guy you’re not in a relationship with. I’ve never done it nor have I wanted to. I’m a female with a low libido, and even I would find that frustrating. If we’re not going to have sex, lying in bed for hours sounds incredibly boring. And yes, I’d assume the guy would be expecting something more. Cuddling is nice, but I guess some people like it wayyyy more than I do.

I think, regardless of all that, this guy sounds like more of a hassle than he’s probably worth.

@livelaughlove After rereading it I imagined they were in bed and he got frustrated. I assumed they had at least 3 hours left for the date but he had had enough and spent the time on his rant, rather than holding and having his head explode. 100% Supposition: Pick up at 6:30 for dinner and plan to be home at midnight. Finish dinner ~7:30–8 pm, back to her/his place. Mess around for an hour and then get shot down at 9:00. Darn! and It was a nice dinner too! She even ordered the lobster!

I am a typical guy. If we are not going to do the dance don’t take me to the dance floor. Let’s go to a concert, or museum, or go out to dinner, or watch a movie with friends, or go geocaching, or… endless possibilities.

If I were in that situation I would never rant. I’d just make a mental note to not put myself in that same position for at least 2 months.

@dopeguru He does not sound “rational” to me. It sounds like you’ve decided that he is a better expert on your relationship than he is, when he is the one who is acting weirdly. Why assume that he even has a clue what he’s talking about? He doesn’t know your motives better than you do.

It appears that the two of you are completely incompatible; you want different things. Time to move on and find someone you want to spend time with – for both of you.

@LuckyGuy Gotta say, I’ve never scheduled a date like that before. Well, maybe in high school when I had a curfew.

@livelaughlove21 Yep.

By the sounds of it, he might have a degree of autism. I’m not a doctor but the way you describe him makes me instantly think autistic. Regardless, if you’re already frustrated with this guy it’s time to walk away. It takes a very special kind of person to be able to cope with his personality. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to be able to deal with his quirks.

@ItalianPrincess1217 How so? How is it austitic