During a time of one sided gift giving, like a birthday, to me it’s easy. When it’s my birthday, I expect gifts from nobody except maybe my parents, and anything else I get is icing on the cake. When it’s a time of possible mutual gift giving, like Christmas, it’s a little more complicated (for me).
At Christmas, I like to have an idea that someone is going to get me a gift so that I can give them a gift in return. I will often read (here and other places), you give if you want to and don’t if you don’t. I don’t really feel that way. I feel like I want to reciprocate, except if I’m giving the gift is a “thank you,” for example to the teacher, other school staff or the guy who mows my lawn.
I work for an organization that has a board of 10 people. 4 of us work together in the office. When I started there 3 years ago, I asked my boss if we all gave each other gifts. She told me to give them a gift if I wanted to. I don’t mind buying for 10 people, but at a minimum of 10 per person, it all adds up quickly and I don’t want spend that if I don’t have to. To me, this was a big dilemma. I did not want to receive gifts from people and have nothing for them. Fortunately, two girls gave me something and I ran into my office and had two nice boxes of fancy chocolate, which I tagged and gave to them and we were all happy. Guys who were not in the office gave me anything so it was fine. Us 4 in the office exchanged and it was then easy – we gave, we received, easy.
I was making small talk with a woman at a Christmas party recently. She told me she was having people over for Christmas, which included one son’s long time girlfriend, another son’s new girlfriend who they only met recently, and another girl who was just a friend. She told me it was a dilemma for her because she didn’t want to have a big disparity in gifts or quantity of gifts for each girl, because she didn’t want awkwardness or hurt feelings but yet she felt differently about each girl, due to the relationship status.
I don’t like to tell people what to get me, even if they ask, because to me, leaving it up to people’s thoughtfulness might lead to something really thoughtful or clever. If I want something specific, I buy it for myself.
I also think mutual gift card exchange is kind of silly. Just my opinion. I have a ton of gift cards in a box (these don’t expire – I checked) and it’s just such effort to spend them.
I have a new friend this year. She’s the mom of my daughter’s friends, the twins. She dropped a hint that she got me a gift (other than the gifts the kids were going to give each other). I was in a big dilemma about what to give her. I went to the department stores looking at jewelry. For friends like that, I have a price range in mind, wanting to spend no more than $40. I ended up with a nice bracelet that cost me a bit less than $30. She loved it and she got me a gift certificate for getting my nails done. I was glad she dropped the hint about getting me the gift. I would have felt not too good about receiving without reciprocity.