How do you make someone feel special?
Asked by
micchon (
391
)
December 28th, 2014
I’m in a very tough situation right now. I really had a promiscuous past, and my boyfriend doesn’t feel he’s special to me. Because I had slept with other men before we started dating, he thinks I don’t have feelings for him and he doesn’t feel special to me. He was a virgin when we dated and I am his first. Another problem is that most of the men I had done it was his friends. We had a lot of fights about my past already and I’m starting to get sick of it, but we talked about it and we promised we’re gonna try our best this time.
How do I make him feel special? What are the little things I could do to make him feel it, that he matters to me? That I love him? We really do have great sex, but it’s just not what it should always matter, right?
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10 Answers
I ask them about themselves.
Tell him you love him. Never make him wonder where you are. Compliment him. Be interested in what he is interested in. Don’t talk about other men you have been with. Give him positive feedback about sex with him.
If he is just hung up on the fact that you have slept with other men, and doesn’t get over that within a few weeks, then I think just give up. It’s impossible. You can’t undo that you have been with other men. He can move on to another girl that isn’t a virgin. Some day he will figure out the older he gets, the less likely he will find a virgin, but at least by then he won’t be one either. If he is hungbup on virginity for religious reasons that would be a red flag to me if you are not religious also.
Follow what @JLeslie suggests if you want to invest in this relationship.
But, be mindful of what people said on your last question: this guy is borderline abusive and obsessed with his old girlfriend, and he does not respect you for who you are. You are a dynamic worthy woman. You deserve better than this.
A sexual past with your boyfriend’s friends is a very high hurdle for even the most secure of male egos. For an inexperienced man not to be anxious in such a situation, would require either god like attributes of will or an impossible lack of imagination. Guys are cursed with a huge amount of their self worth tied up in issues involving their equipment. It’s rather silly and stupid, but that’s the way it is. So it comes down to how long you can wait for the issue to matter less to him, and whether or not he has the strength to overcome the tug against what he knows already to be the truth——your past is the past, and should be irrelevant. It’s a tough climb, particularly since the mere sight of his friends triggers the loosening of demons in his head. I don’t envy either of you.
He has the same responsibility for making you feel special. It’s a partnership and not a dictatorship.
If @jca is right about the other Q, dump this guy fast.
As has been said, if this is the abusive boyfriend, you don’t. You move on. You deserve better. It sounds to me as though you have very low self-esteem. You need to work on that. Regardless of your past, you deserve to be treated decently and with respect.
I agree with @stanleybmanly, that many men would find it difficult to ignore your sexual history with their friends. It shouldn’t be that way, but unless a man is quite emotionally mature, he may not be able to disregard your history with his friends. Find a boyfriend outside of this group.
I generally have rough sex with them, light them laydeez up like a fucking pinball machine.
It depends on the person, I think different things work with different folk, the things that make me feel special may not do the same for others.
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