Do you have a funny story from the holiday just past?

I had this drinks party at christmas.
I invited Moneypenny, she is always good value.
But then she brought that bloke, James. What a penis.
So she brings James along, “Oh God”, but I thought “Christmas spirit”, so I said, “Hi, James, we have got mild wine, or I think there is some beer in the fridge.”
Cock asks for a martini. A Martini!. I said, “I am sorry James, I do not think I have got any Martini. Why would I have any Martini? What do you think this is, 1973.?”
I remember last time, it was only a BBQ, and he turned up in his tuxedo, and stood around making smug remarks. I do not know what Moneypenny sees in him.
Where does that guy get off? He keeps leaving these guns around! I think he gets them free at work.
It is Moneypenny I feel sorry for.
I said to Moneypenny; “Can you manage another finger in there?”, meaning “Finger of Vodka in her glass of drink”, self explanatory.
And then James starts rolling his eyes, like he had some kind of stroke, and says “Oh, you can always get another finger inside Moneypenny.”
I just literally did not know where to look. “Finger inside Moneypenny”! And I do not think Moneypenny was even at all turned on.
Well, she was probably still recovering from that ‘Darren incident’.
So Darren turned up, and starts getting a bit lippy about James’ cigarette case. He said it was gay.
Everyone is laughing, a bit cheeky, but, you know, but then suddenly James picks him up and throws him through a window!
And that is why Darren can not walk now! Poor guy landed on a railing spike and it went straight through his spine!
Everyone is in shock, apart from James, who strolls over to the window, glances down, and says “What a piercing bore”.
There is no such expression. Well, the railing was right next to a crusher, it is pretty clear he wanted to say “crushing bore”, but he missed and he was making the best of a bad job.

This past Christmas I felt like I got much closer to my niece, which makes me very happy. She texted me a day ago worried about something, and I was glad she reached out to me. Its the first time that has ever happened. She is 19. She is my husband’s sister’s daughter, and I have had an on and off relationship with my SIL. My husband’s family never is very close and communicative among siblings, so in turn that means it is hard to be close with their children.

Not sure if this counts…

I’ve been having a really long holiday, just because Christmas happened to be at the same time as school’s break. On the last day of the holiday I had quite a ball with my friends. I got tired after getting home and went to bed. In my dream I was at a party, having fun. The dream was interrupted by mom’s angry voice: “You wake up! Do you know what time it is?” I got up, still sub-conscious, and said: “Today is Sunday. I have an invitation to a party.” Mom said: “So what did you do last night getting back home so late? It’s Monday and now it 6:30!” Needless to say it was quite a big bucket of cold water pouring onto my face. I had to skip breakfast to rush to school. Luckily I was at school just as the lesson started.

Does watching an old woman slipping on ice with her shopping & chasing a tin of soup down a hill count?
Cuz i’m pretty sure it does, I almost pissed myself…no old people were harmed in this episode & the tin of soup was recovered, dented, but salvageable

Just laughing at my wife’s grandsons unwrapping their toys and having shredded paper all over.

I guess the time when my children were little and we were all putting up the Christmas tree.It was all done and I crawled under the tree to “fix” one ornament that was driving me crazy. I’m a perfectionist.

anyway I got under there and somehow the tree fell over. It toppled over in slow motion and then CRASH. To this day my grown kids always say “keep mom away from that tree”.

I don’t even know where to start! Corrie and the twins and her other two kids had Christmas yesterday so I went up there and stayed with them. Here is one story, from this morning:

So, Savannah got a little 16 piece puzzle. It was all wrapped in plastic, and she was carrying it around and looking at it, so I decided to help her put it together. I took the plastic off, and as she was throwing it in the trash I turned it upside down to free the pieces. She came right back and grabbed the puzzle to look at it some more. She stood up, turned it over, froze and said, “My book!” Like “What happened to it? It’s GONE!”
So, I tried to put it together and the twins helped. I made NO headway. As soon as I put a piece in, one of them would take it out.
At one point Savannah gathered the jumble of puzzle pieces into both hands, dumped them in a heap on the puzzle board and said, “There.” She was done!
Suddenly the sound of 200 lego’s hitting the floor caught their attention, and I was able to finish the puzzle. I did it really fast too.
Then I showed it to Savannah and she said, “Cool!” And she took it apart. So I put it in a bowl.
Yes, she’s talking folks! She even said, “Damn it!” last night. Eyes crossing.