Do you think it's wrong to compensate friends who help you move with pizza, booze, money, or other rewards?

It’s never “wrong” to thank someone for their help by offering a token gift, but I’d never make it money. That, I think, is crass, and chances are the person would be embarrassed rather than insulted.

Not at all. Money might be insulting, but pizza and booze are pretty innocuous party foods.

The money part, I was thinking, would be nice for people who use their own gas travelling for you. I had thought this was a normal way of showing appreciation.

There is nothing wrong about showing your appreciation to the people who helped you move and most of them would probably enjoy some pizza and booze or whatever else you might decide to do. Moving is a pain in the butt and the people who help make it quicker and easier. By the way, if you are having pizza and booze need anymore help? :)

No not at all.

It is fine. Pizza and pop, donuts and coffee, KFC or Taco Bell and pop are great choices.

In general I avoid offering or giving booze. I don’t like the idea of me being the source of someone drinking and driving.

Lunch or dinner is standard for helping someone move! And, you don;t have to cook!

Pizza, sandwiches, take out, beer, soda. The person moving doesn’t have a kitchen set up yet so picking something up or having it delivered is absolutely acceptable.

Of course not! Offering a “reward” of food, beer, take out dinner, is, as @zenvelo said, pretty standard protocol for moving help, unless you hire a professional moving Co. in which case their prices are more than enough compensation all by themselves. haha

pssshhh… i would DEMAND a pizza and beer after helping someone move.

That’s crazy, why would I be insulted at free food?

I think showing appreciation for the help you got is a nice thing to do. It will help keep that friendship strong!

That’s a strange view. I hate moving, and make a point of not keeping it a secret. But owning both a truck and a cargo van, the inevitable requests pile up. Not only is my feeding and watering required of the supplicant, but I feel absolutely no shame in dictating the menu and other terms of extortion, including baked goods and the right to grouse and whine throughout the ordeal. This town is an absolute nightmare of hillside buildings notorious for vertical stairclimbs sufficient to kill a mountain goat. Those are ALWAYS drive only jobs. I’d rather (and have) paid more sturdy souls than myself to do the humping. Then I can whine and bitch loudly about the expense.

Of course not I have helped and been helped in the moving department and while I may not supply beer I definitely supply the pizza or burgers.

I think it would be insulting to not offer some form of compensation to friends who helped with such a difficult task as moving can be. I would see no insult in offering money, in fact, but only if that offer was made as part of the request.

Pizza and beer? How could it be an insult to offer to treat someone to food? Since when has that ever happened?

Not wrong at all. As long as the people actually like those things. I don’t drink, so offering me beer is nonpayment. Not that I necessarily expect payment, I’m just saying you need to give the person something they appreciate or why bother.

Does your friend get insulted easily and over nothing very often?

@stanleybmanly – “dictating the terms of extortion”- great answer. I like how you think.

I have a fridge full of awesome Vietnamese takeout if anyone wants to help me do the nightly chores in the cold wind. Pho King Good! Real name of restaurant LOL

It’s definitely not wrong to offer. But if the person doesn’t want to accept, don’t push it.

There’s a point where the “No, you!” “No, you!” “No, you!” thing becomes tired and stupid.

Some people will always find a reason to be offended or insulted. You’re trying to say thank you and to show your appreciation for their help. That can’t be wrong. You also can’t change her view so let it be.

The person who inspired this question isn’t a friend. I don’t even know her personally. Where I live, pizza/booze/etc is pretty standard. So it seemed foreign to me when she made a point of telling me a true friend wouldn’t insult a friend by offering them “payment” (even in food).

I agree that knowing those who help you move is ideal, but I think that if they are close enough to help you move, you’d know whether or not they are a drinker. And I agree that it’s not cool to force someone to take something they don’t want. But merely offering it doesn’t seem that big of a deal to me.

A few years ago I organised a working bee at my place to give the outside property a good tidy up, pruning etc. I told everyone I would provide lunch. Being unable to do that myself, I organised a couple of other friends to do the cooking. It was a wonderfully fun day, enjoyed by all involved.

I would never offer money, unless any work involved using petrol, but it makes it so much easier to ask for help if there is some kind of exchange.

It’s a nice gesture to offer to buy food, such as pizza. Moving can be a bear. Money seems a little tacky. If you’re a friend, I’ll move you for free. But good pizza and a few beers would be nice at the end.

I really don’t understand the big deal. Aren’t they all going to eat and drink together? If she had them over for pizza, no moving involved, is that problem?

In my mind that is just ridiculous old world thinking. Rules about insults and what’s offensive when all intentions are good. Give me a break. The person insulted by that is going to live a life of sadness and anger as her friends and relatives consistently disappoint her and don’t live up to her expectations. That’s my prediction. I hope I am wrong.

Just offering, the friends can say no thank you, or tell her they don’t want her to do anything. They don’t have to accept the offer, but it’s nice she shows that she appreciates the favor.

I wouldn’t offer money most likely, unless I knew the person really needed it and I would just need to evaluate if it was going to be uncomfortable with that person.

Old world thinking can be more important than you think. I dealt with some Eastern European farmers early in my banking career. I met with them at their kitchen table. If they invited you in to their house, they had to offer you a drink. If you refused it was an insult. You were too good to drink with them. But man is it hard to work at 8:30 or 9:00 AM with a buzz. social customs and business go hand in hand.

Bienvenido a America.

@dappled_leaves ‘There’s a point where the “No, you!” “No, you!” “No, you!” thing becomes tired and stupid.’

I so agree with that! I like to surprise people by just saying, “Fine” – eating that last piece of pizza or taking that last ticket. They need to learn not to be polite to the point of exhaustion.

I wonder if her whole offense at “payment” for her “service” concept is because she perceives it makes her look like a whore.

It’s almost universally understood as an act of gratitude and love, from pizza to jjajangmyeon. I think she’s got some issues going on that brain of hers that makes her so self conscious to goodwill and gratitude.

@sinscriven That’s a long stretch to go for offering someone something like pizza for helping them out to her thinking she’s a whore. No way can I see that.

If someone wants to take offense at something – no matter how irrational it might be – there is not much that anyone else can do about it.

I’d be insulted if there wasn’t some kind of compensation offered.

I’m going to agree with @Darth_Algar I would be insulted if I wasn’t offered lunch after hauling their crap.
When friends have helped us move we pay their fuel and always a lunch.

Not necessarily anything specific would be expected on my part, but definitely some sort of food, either coffee and breakfast or something during the move. No cash. I don’t think of it as payment, because if I were to be paid for the labor by an employer, it would probably come to at least a few hundred dollars. I think of it more as I help out a friend, the friend takes care of me a bit in exchange.

@Adirondackwannabe –
Say for example I help you move a fridge, and my motivation for helping you out was that I wanted to be altrustic. And you, being the upstanding thoughtful person you are feed me with pizza. That changes the entire dynamic. I wanted to offer you an act of goodwill with no expectation of reward and now that I’ve actually been rewarded with food it is no longer an act of Alturism to me anymore, now it’s an exchange of services for things of value.

By rewarding me, you’ve cheapened my offer of altruistic intent and therefore cheapened “me” by doing so. Now i’m just offering you my body for your benefit and you are compensating me for it. Whores do that! Grwarrararewarrrrarr

Yes, that’s bonkers but so is getting indignant that you’re being thanked with food for your time and good intentions. Kind of a good example of how suffering comes right from the ego.

@sinscriven Okay you run with that. I’m not wasting anymore time on it.

@sinscriven Seriously? $10 of pizza ruins the altruism? It’s not uncommon to offer food when someone visits someone’s house. Just you being in my house, even if you did nothing for me, will get you the offer of at minimum a drink.

You can always refuse the offer, and maintain your altruism. Still, the offer is a nice thought. Do you care about how the other person feels? Maybe they feel uncomfortable accepting help without giving some sort of “thank you” to further acknowledge how much they appreciate the help.

You give more credit to the philosophical debate that there truly is no altruistic act. That even those acts are done for selfish reasons.

Like I explained above, a day of my labor at work or if I were to be paid for the moving job would be way more than the cost of pizza, coffee, egg on a roll or whatever I was offered by my friend. Therefore, I don’t see it as “dollar for dollar” I see it as a nice gesture that if and when I help a friend, I’m taken care of for my efforts.

I’m going to agree with ^^^^ @jca it’s a nice gesture for my efforts.
I would do the same for anyone helping me, and again agreeing with @jca 10 to $20 for pizza is a hell of a lot less than I make for a day at work.

@sinscriven Reading your post brings this to mind:
I once tried to give a friend of mine $5.00. I think I was trying to give her gas money or something. It was a long time ago, so I don’t remember. Anyway, she kept refusing the $5.00, piously quoting “Tis better to give than to receive.” (Insert sniff and stick your nose in the air here.)
In exasperation I finally said, “Well, how can I do the better thing of giving if you won’t receive?!”
She thought about that, realized she was actually being selfish, then accepted the $5.00.

@sinscriven Honestly, if you feel annoyance of any kind at someone trying to thank you for your help with some token – then your motives were not altruistic to begin with. You were showing off, even if only to yourself. This feeling marks a kind of selfishness or false piety in the person who is giving.

I agree with @dappled_leaves.

But then again, we may not have read his entire post. At the end of it he says, ”Yes, that’s bonkers but so is getting indignant that you’re being thanked with food for your time and good intentions. Kind of a good example of how suffering comes right from the ego.” I think he was trying to explain the logic of some people and how wacky it can be (see my example above.)