Is it any worth keep arguing with someone who has autism?

“Somewhat autistic” is not a diagnosis and can mean anything.

If you are frustrated by how a so-called friend is treating you, find a new friend. You have been around this particular mulberry bush for a very long time. Change something.

http://www.fluther.com/177766/how-can-i-deal-with-someone-who-is-too-rational/

@gailcalled That wont solve anything. I want to know if its my irrationality or its his behavior thats not well.

Old Proverb, Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

You are not going to change his behaviour.

“I give people too many chances before stopping talking.”

It sounds to me like you already know what to do. Find friends who treat you better.

I just want to know if its me who is wrong. I dont want to run away and ignore my injustice just because its comfortable to do so.

@dopeguru if he is really autistic, cut him some slacks. Autistic people think very differently from “normal people” and many of them are very stubborn. There is nothing wrong with him, he just views the world differently.

Just don’t get into too much argument with him, especially about trivial things, the argument will usually get nowhere. If you can’t tolerate it, then like others suggests, find other friends.

@dopeguru It’s not right or wrong a lot of times in relationships, friendly or intimate. It just is. If that makes sense.

He is a good friend and he likes me a lot. He would never want to see me hurt. He thinks Nietzsche, Hitchens and other thinkers would be just as he is in their personal lives… He defends his way of judging/assuming and being as though it is the best way to live.

@dopeguru Okay, if you like the abuse keep going back to the well. You know what’s coming, if you like it what’s it for us to say stay away

@Adirondackwannabe Its not about liking it or not. Of course its disgusting to be abused like that and I am terribly annoyed by him. But often times our feelings may be misleading, and I want to know if objectively speaking he is being more rational than I am. If this is truer than my behavior and thoughts, then I accept suffering in truth and growing to adapt to it.

Obviously, and as you clearly already know, you cannot change his behavior, and it is his behavior that is upsetting to you. You can ask him to change, and you can tell him why you are upset and what makes you ask him to make the change. But it is ultimately up to him to make the change or not AND it is up to you what you want to do about that. You could – with some difficulty, I think (because it’s something that I’ve never been able to do) – change your own attitude about what he says and does and “not be bothered” by it. If anyone can describe the process by which that works in a way that I can follow and practice, I’m all ears.

Or you could put distance between you and him. Your withdrawal of yourself from his criticism would likely send a message that your mere words cannot. And if it can’t send the message that you want, or if he still can’t understand it or for whatever reason can’t act to change his behavior, at least it would put longer intervals of time between the times that you’re upset with him.

All you can do is modify your own behavior:
1. Refuse to have your moods hijacked by his unwanted, unwarranted or incorrect assumptions and pronouncements (because some of them might even be correct, and those are usually the most unwelcome of all criticisms);
2. Refuse to be present for the comments, or simply refuse to hear them, or
3. You could simply listen to what he says, acknowledge that you heard and understood, take no action, change the topic or even change your mind.

There’s always gunplay, but I don’t recommend shooting at this stage. As a rule.

@dopeguru My apologies, you should have handed me my head. You were looking deeper into his personality, which is admirable. I need to chew on this a bit more.

@Adirondackwannabe Haha I always do that! I end up being hurt a lot because people leave me eventually and I never leave them. Maybe I’m naive in some ways

@dopeguru ” I want to know if objectively speaking he is being more rational than I am. ”

Uh, sure, but you’ve asked the same question here several times. The response seems to be that no, he’s not more rational than you are. You want to ask it again?

@dappled_leaves Ugh yes. I am just… I don’t know why I doubt everything! I have endless belief in humans. Its destructive.

@dopeguru so you only want to understand him more? Then like I say, austistic people think differently and many will do their best to defense their ideas. Your friends only stands for what he thinks is logical. I’m sure he doesn’t mean any ill-will. Most autistic people are genuine.

First of all i would like to point out(like i do on all mental health related questions)that I am A trained Mental Health Therapist and im also trained in Mental Health First Aid,With that being said I have alot of expirience working with consumers with autism,and this sounds like this person might be have autism and he may not realize what he’s doing.

If this friend has a medical diagnosis of falling on the autistic spectrum, then you need to do your research. People on the autistic spectrum have a very different way of relating socially to others. It is a oomplex subject and varies with each individual. Onesize does not fit all.

Here are some resources for you as a jumping-off point.

I have a high-functioning autistic great nephew. He is 9 years old, and trying to relate to him socially is complicated and varies from hour to hour and often from minute to minute. Is he well-rested, hungry, calm or over-stimulated, ready for some interaction or needing some quiet and private time. The same issues apply to adults.

I’m an Aspie, and I’m the nicest asshole you’ll ever meet. I’m irritable, plainspoken, tactless, and often don’t care about the hate and discontent I leave in the wake of my passing through. Yet, that is because it takes enough conscious effort for me to remember how neuro-typicals think (like not wearing their heart out on their sleeve for the world to see by allowing the frustration they constantly feel to come out in the form of snark…) that I cannot always remember that and still form sentences; I can be nice, and I can communicate, but I can’t always do both at the same time. In computer terms, I am a Linux box in a Windows world, and just as WINE allows Linux to do many of the things Windows does but has limits, my brain works differently from most people’s and many things that normal people understand intuitively, I must translate into my own terms.

I sometimes get a little derogatory when people don’t know what I consider to be “basic information”, like the fact that total circuit resistance drops instead of rises when you wire loads in parallel, or that the torque curve of a car engine is basically a graph of it’s volumetric efficiency throughout the RPM range. (The migraines don’t exactly help my crankiness either, but that’s a separate issue.)

But I try to be helpful, try to enlighten those seeking wisdom in areas where I have the knowledge to do so, and can be surprisingly sympathetic considering I sometimes come across as cold-hearted or outright mean. I am quite generous when I have the means to be, and generally just not the guy you’d think I am from the bad first impression I sometimes leave.

Now that we’ve had the setup, here is my answer.

Thing is, Autism affects personalities, but it doesn’t completely replace them. We don’t all come from the same cookie cutter. We share some common traits, but each of us has our own different mix of symptoms; different enough to make highly-trained medical specialists have difficulty identifying and treating us.

Autistic people don’t have the whole “theory of mind” that normal people do. Some of us have it in a limited sense while some lack it completely. Personally, I am a bit judgmental myself as a result, and I imagine that is what your friend has issues with too. When I slow down and think about it, I can often put myself in another person’s shoes… but not always, and definitely not something I can do without some effort. Some people are utterly incapable of it at all.

But let us test your theory of mind for a moment. Imagine that everyone in the world was like you. Everyone had the same knowledge, hobbies, beliefs, etcetera. How would you react when someone does something you wouldn’t do? Would you think that they are stupid for not knowing stuff that you know, feeling that they should know because they are like you? In other words, would you act like your friend?