Should I hire a cleaning service for my friend?

If someone comes in to help her and she says “no” to everything they want to throw out, then it will be useless and a waste of money.

I would try to steer a conversation towards such services until she says “aha!” so it’s kind of her idea.

I’m not a great manipulator but I know people who are really good at this.

What kind of stuff do people leave behind? Stuff like shampoo? or garbage like paper?

Lube, shell casings, feral cats, drifters warming their hands over a fire in a barrel…you know, typical stuff.

” Is there a good way to make this offer to her without hurting her feelings?”

No, of course there isn’t. Either have a conversation with her – in which case you will have to explain why you think this is any of your business – or do nothing.

Do not do the thing that is terribly easy for you (calling in a professional without having to look her in the eye), but very difficult for her (being told by a complete stranger that her friends think she’s unclean). That is a horrible idea.

I could see saying, “I’ve stayed at your place a number of times and I’d really like to pay you back. Would me paying for a cleaning service for you be a help?”

I would definitely talk with her about it before taking it upon myself to hire a cleaning service. Just hiring a cleaning service seems rather pushy. Maybe just discussing the situation would help her to realize that the place is turning into a dump.

It would be incredibly awful to have a cleaning service show up at anybody’s house without previous discussion.

How about if you talk to her and suggest that you work with her for an hour or two on some decluttering? Make it like a fun project – say “let’s just do it!” Then maybe once she sees some progress she will be more enthused about it.

I find it hard to imagine that all the mess in her house is from guests who leave stuff behind.

I think some self-esteem and ‘learn to say no’ classes might be more useful. It’s her place and she’s letting people use her home as a dumping ground. Why she’s doing this is more of a concern to me. Perhaps a frank conversation about how friends treat each other and an offer to help her sort through the stuff, write letters to people about goods that perhaps shouldn’t be thrown away and help to ditch the rest would be more useful. Not to mention supporting her so she realises she’s not being mean or unfriendly, she’s simply asserting her right to a tidy home and visitors who treat her kindness with respect.

Don’t be fooled. A cluttered house can’t be pinned on the negligence of frequent guests. At bottom it’s your friend alone who either tolerates inconsiderate behavior on the part of her guests, or doesn’t mind the clutter in the first place. This question set me to thinking about the droves of friends and relatives of mine with disorderly piles of stuff littering their living spaces. My own desk is enough to convince me of my propensity for clutter. It is only the hawk like vigilance of the missus, along with the assured hawk on mouse like retribution which restricts the contagion to my desk..I don’t think you should fear offending your friend by offering to foot the expense of tidying up. She’s much more likely to be upset about being forced to confront the realities of her situation. All in all, it probably isn’t a tidy house that is responsible for your friendship. As long as matters of hygiene and sanitation are within limits you find tolerable, who cares if the place is cluttered? Make the offer. If rejected, drop it and continue stumbling down the road of life together.

First of all, what @dappled_leaves said, a hundredfold.

Is this person your best friend? Your patient?

So many factors here. In today’s social parlance, the word “hoarder” is deeply offensive. It implies a somewhat disgusting mental illness. To hire a service that specifically caters to hoarders would be outrageously mean.

The fact that she mentions that people are leaving their stuff there may be her way of saying that she doesn’t want so many people staying there. You said that she “lets everyone stay with her”. Does that mean that she specifically invites them or is just not forceful enough to turn them away? There is a possibility that you all may be taking advantage.

And after all is said and done, this is her home, not yours. Hers. If you are upset by the condition of her home, don’t stay there.

If she wanted to “fix” it, she would. Unless she has asked for your help, it is not really your place to say or do anything.

I suspect that your heart may be in the right place, but it sounds like you have not thought this through.