Is it ridiculous to wait for my boyfriend?

You don’t say how old you are. How old are you?

Four years is a long time to wait. I guess it depends on the relationship. I might start off with good intentions but it would be hard to promise. You can’t predict the future and you may meet someone else. I think keeping in touch definitely sounds like a good thing, but as for whether I could guarantee I’d wait, I am not sure.

He is telling you not to wait, which tells me that he may be unsure, too.

I think he’s sending you a clear signal that the “waiting” won’t be a mutual thing. Be glad that he’s being honest with you and not stringing you along.

But just be realistic enough to understand that from the way he left things with you, he will be actively dating others.

Four years is a long time so don’t be surprised if he’s married to or involved with another at the end of that time.

You’re free to do what you want to do as is he. If you decide to remain committed to him when he’s clearly not committed to you, you’re basically tossing 4 yrs. of prime eligibility down the drain for nothing.

But it’s your choice. Not the choice I would make (since it’s CLEARLY not being reciprocated) but your choice nonetheless.

Proceed at your own risk.

4 years is a chunk of your lifetime to set aside for this man….the fact that he has told you to get your life going is telling you he does not want to be accountable for his inability to remain committed to you for the duration of his tour of duty. Life is too short to just wait, hope and possibly be burned…love him if you feel the need but he has opened the door for you to find your future without him.

You will miss him in the beginning and it will be tough, but you will think about him less and less. You’ll be doing other things, having fun, meeting other people. To pass up something else because you’re waiting for this other guy, who is not feeling the same for you, seems silly.

Ridiculous? No. Worthwhile? Not by a long shot.

If you re roughly the same age as someone going into the marines, this is theme of your life to explore yourself and to get to know yourself as an adult, with all the ups and downs and new friendships and possible relationships and new experiences, and traveling with a lover for a long trip an all kinds of stuff. Missing that for someone who signed up to go away for four years is not worthwhile at all.

“he said that if I did it wouldn’t be fair and to first get my life going then come to look for him”

This was him breaking up with you. You missed it.

I agree with dappled.

I have been his age and in love. For starters there is no way I would have willingly left for four years. And even if I was forced to leave I would have never said to find someone else. That is just Bonkers. Consider yourself single.

I was in a similar situation during my Navy years. We “kind of but not really” broke up; it was more of an open relationship. When I got out a few years later, I moved in with her. Five years after that, we got married, and that was over 10 years ago.

Thing is, we kept our options open. We neither waited nor burnt bridges.

Not ridiculous, more like entirely unreasonable.

I would not just wait, as in put my love life on hold for four years. Especially if he was not doing the same. If I wanted the relationship to continue, I would keep the relationship going. My husband and I had a long-distance relationship when we were dating due to the military. We visited each other about once a month and spoke via phone or Skype daily. Our relationship was never put on hold and neither of us was waiting for the other. We were together, just temporarily apart. Not all couples are able to be successful in long-distance relationships. Good luck!

I dated a guy in collage for 2 years. Just making it through the summers when we both went to our respective child-hood homes was tough.