Would you take back a "cheater"?

I would, but it would totally depend on the circumstances. If it was a long going affair, I’d have a lot of trouble with that becuz that would have been a lot of time to be deceiving me. It would also mean it wasn’t a “spur of the moment” thing, but calculated.

I have never been in the situation of your friend. I have never been married and I have never been cheated on, that I know of I think many people would like to say “No, cheaters are so terrible, blah blah blah.” That’s what I’ve seen a lot on Fluther. People seem to say a lot of negative things about cheaters and cheating in general. However, nobody knows what the circumstances are for your friend as each situation is different, each relationship is different, the people come into their relationship with their own experiences and personalities, and then add into that the feelings of all involved. Add into that the therapy that they are experiencing and working through, and what they’re learning there. So it’s easy to say “yes” or “no” but it’s not a black and white, cut and dried issue. It’s very hard to be on the outside of any relationship and make judgments and assumptions. It’s also very likely that the story that is told by your friend is only part of it. As we like to say “there are 3 sides to every story. The two sides and the truth.”

I wouldn’t no. Why?
Because I divorced a cheater years ago and in my opinion is is less about the sexual sidekicks than it is about the lying and deception. I don’t lie, I would never deceive someone I cared about and I don’t want to be with anyone that is capable of, finds it easy to lie, sneak around and then walk in the door and pat me on the ass and say “great spaghetti sauce babe!”

WTF!

Anyone call tell a little white lie on occasion but liars and cheaters tend to have character flaws that are not easily fixed and I wouldn’t waste my time trying to change the leopards spots. I think a fresh start is best in most cases of infidelity.

NO WAY!!! I would not!

Nope, I draw the line when it comes to lying and cheating. There is NO point in being in a relationship based on lies and trickery of any sort.

Based on what you’ve written here, she probably shouldn’t take him back. “Shutting down communication” and “acting single” are way above and beyond mere cheating. Those are the actions of someone who desperately wants out of their marriage, and does not respect their spouse. His explanations ring false. It sounds like he is trying to cover his tracks and make excuses, rather than genuinely own up to what he has done.

A lot of people stay in relationships that aren’t really good for them. You have a shared history, it’s familiar and comfortable, and a lot of them really do love each other. But after a while you have to think, is this relationship really good for my well-being? Is it improving the quality of my life?

Being single again after a long relationship is scary. But there are lots of other men out there who will love your friend and also treat her with respect. She might find one of them someday, but it will never happen unless she leaves her cheating husband. In the mean time, it’s so much better to be single than unhappy in the wrong relationship.

What does it matter what the circumstances were? They are both taking the correct steps now and hopefully it will work out.

I’m just curious, I like to discuss things that pop in my head. It’s not like I’m coming between them and getting into their issues. I just listened and wished her best of luck.

Nope. Like my grandfather, I have no tolerance for liars and/or thiefs, cheats being both of these.

@kritiper Aladdin was both a liar and a thief. Diamond in the rough. I would not take back a cheater.

Based off what you said, and how you said it, if it were reversed and a woman did that to me, I would give her another chance. If she had a history of that we would not be together I n the first place. The fact that he is now willing to go to counseling to save the marriage means he is willing to fight for it. If he did boink this other gal, and tried to make a go with her and it did not work, I believe he would have just moved on to another woman, not bothering to run back to his wife. I can see it as a knee jerk reaction, heaven knows there has been enough around here.

@talljasperman So I can assume you would take back ALL liars and ALL thieves, as well as ALL cheaters. There are exceptions to every rule, after all, you know.

@kritiper Sure not everything is black and white. but has shades of grey.

it would depend on if i was married or not.
If I wasn’t married to him, then I would say goodbye and move on with my life.
If I was married I’d give him another chance, I’d want to save my marriage….(more easily said than done).

It depends on how I feel.