Do you believe this kind hearted directive ?

Maybe not everybody at this given moment is in crisis, but as boss of this company I do know most employees are dealing with problems in their lives all the time. Even when I am dealing with problems at home as often is the case, when I go to work I remind myself that these employees have their own cross to bear and will often make my problems seem trivial. And when an employee confides in me what is happening in their lives I always go out of my way to help in any way I can. That said I am kind to everyone I meet for the reasons above as odds are they too are dealing with something that is weighing heavily in their lives.

Yes. I believe it, because it’s true. But I also remind myself of this fact because it helps me in my interactions with people. It’s difficult to maintain such high levels of anger and frustration with people when you consider this fact. And it’s clear to me that if we approach everyone we meet with this in mind, we can’t help but increase our empathy, which is good for everyone.

Yes, I do. It’s the corollary to “don’t judge your insides to everyone else’s outsides”.

I fully agree we should be kind to all. What I don’t believe is “everyone is fighting some kind of battle. “Battle” is a strong word.

@Aster Yes, I do believe that everyone has or has had troubles and existentially is fighting a great battle. That saying is very meaningful to me; it says, “don’t imagine you are the only person with problems in the world.”

@Aster I agree that “battle” is a strong word. I do agree with the quote insofar as we define battle loosely. For example, a kids struggling with her schoolwork may not rise to the level of “battle” but for that child it sure does feel like it. So yes, I try to have empathy with everyone because they are all dealing with their own stresses, not to mention being kind to people is a better way to live your life in general than being a prick.

Hercule Poirot said that…oh, it says directive.

I agree with this sentiment as well, however, that said, what some people consider a “problem” or “battle” is often extremely petty. I know several people that lead pretty charmed lives, financially well off, don’t have to work, good health and the things they get obsessed over are so insanely stupid and petty. “OMG! I saw ants in my driveway this morning, I must call the exterminator ASAP!” Points finger at head makes bang sound. lol

If “battle” is an inappropriate word for people, try replacing it with “struggle”. @Coloma, the nature of suffering isn’t dependent on how others view our problems. To a child who’s Lego creation just fell apart, to your rich neighbors with ants – if they experience them as struggle, then saying it isn’t as difficult as being tortured or bone cancer isn’t relevant.

More importantly, while we can identify those who live with a ton of bad luck, have chronic pain, or have been abused as being egregious examples, we all are struggling in similar ways. The rich person with the ants – everyone that they love is going to get sick and die. They will eventually do the same. Their struggles with desires and unfulfilled searches for meaning as just as real as your’s.

^^ And that is the point of the quote which has been attributed to either Pliny or Plato. So people have been struggling for a long time.

@Coloma It doesn’t seem to be an adage you honor.

Yes, I believe everyone has their problems and issues, but I prefer be kind because it is the right thing to do or treat others and you would wish to be treated.

@marinelife the word was, “battle.” Not everyone is fighting some sort of battle like too many ants. That is an annoyance and easily solved.

@hominid Well of course, in that moment the 17 ants on their driveway seem to be a BFD to their highly neurotic psyches.
I think you get what I am saying. SOME things are just NOT really “problems.” that’s my whole point, people that make up things because they are seeking reasons to complain and be agitated. If you’re a grievance looking for a cause you will always find one.
If we’re going to measure battles on the battlefield of suffering, ants in your driveway or your neighbors leaves blowing into gasp, your yard are hardly comparable to a brain tumor.

I find these peoples neurotic complaining about nature and feeling a need to control ants and which way the wind blows to be insufferably petty and insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
A childs Lego creation collapsing after painstakingly working on it is an understandable disappointment. Your neighbors leaves blowing into your yard are not.
I find your comments rather condescending and lecturing, I’m well aware of the psychological similarities we all share regardless of circumstance, just pointing out that some people go out of their way to make mountains out of mole hills and I have a harder time feeling empathy for highly neurotic types.

It is unlikely that the person complaining about the ants is telling you all. Maybe that person only mentions the ants as an immediate annoyance. Do you know that the person is not having a battle they prefer not to mention? A child who is giving them trouble? A disease or condition they are loath to express to the person that is so lacking in compassion that they are annoyed by mention of the ants?

@Coloma: “I find your comments rather condescending and lecturing, I’m well aware of the psychological similarities we all share regardless of circumstance, just pointing out that some people go out of their way to make mountains out of mole hills and I have a harder time feeling empathy for highly neurotic types.”

I honestly didn’t mean to lecture. I was simply expressing my view and how it relates to the practice of comparing one instance of suffering to another. I suspect you are aware of the psychological similarities we all share regardless of circumstance. That to me is what makes the OP’s saying important. We’re all stuck with these brains, and the nature of the brain leads us to feel this way. That’s the point. Comparing the relative disparities of wealth and luck that we all enjoy compared to much of the world is a valuable exercise. But it’s a different one. It’s meant for identifying fairness and equality. The nature of this saying isn’t about identifying an economic system that reduces suffering. Rather, it’s just an acknowledgment that we can identify in each other that which we all share – the same mechanism of suffering. When I am able to be conscious of this, it helps me empathize. That’s all I was saying.

@Coloma The whole point of the adage is that you can’t judge what is going on inside someone else.

@janbb I thought the point of the adage was that everyone is fighting some sort of battle so be nice to everyone.

@hominid Understood.

My point is that while I do have a lot of compassion for everyones struggles, many people create their own suffering. Being a very grounded and non-neurotic type, I do find myself challenged by those that create unnecessary drama. The old “don’t sweat the small stuff because it’s all small stuff.”

@canidmajor I am also aware of how people project their underlying issues onto, seemingly, insignificant things. The other mantra of how we are never upset for the reasons we think we are. In this case though, this person is just a control freak and becomes upset when they see 20 ants in their driveway or, more recently upset because “little birds” were scratching in their flower bed and flinging bits of dirt onto their sidewalk. haha
Sorry…stuff like this makes me want to blow my brains out.

What I did instead was offer up an ID of those little birds and educate them about the species along with telling them that why spraying poison for a few ants that are not even near their house will also poison a bunch of honey bees collecting Lavender pollen in the same area as the ants is a bad idea.
I have a real problem with people that freak out about nature.

Yes. Well said @hominid.

@Aster We’re now talking about subtexts and deeper meanings. By saying everyone is fighting a great battle so you should be kind, you are also saying you should not be judging others by surface appearances.

I guess it depends on what you think a “battle” is. What may be a battle to one person might not be a battle to you. No body’s life is absolutely stress free and perfect.

And I agree with the sentiment.

@Coloma: Your expanded description of this person leads me to notice that maybe you are not as “aware” of psychological circumstances as you claim to be. “just a control freak” and concern about the ants and the little birds throwing bits of dirt leads me to wonder if this person might be waging a great battle with OCD issues that impact every aspect of their life and interfere with normal functioning.
There are always layers.

@Aster I agree with you taking issue with the word “battle” but not everyone wears their heart on the sleeve to where this “battle” would be obvious. Battles come in many forms and sizes….financial, work, school, relationships, medical and mental battles. I have 9 employees here and next to my battles, I know each of their battles and they are often more than one.

I was oblivious to just how much people all around me were fighting all these battles until one day years back a friend said to me that I had no idea what they were going through and she was right….I didn’t know because I never asked. From that day on I asked and began to see my battles were often trivial to what others were going through. I was not suddenly nicer to people because of this revelation but I was more careful to ask.

@canidmajor No, they are simply of a particular personality type, known to be all about rules and order, a place for everything and everything in it’s place. Ants and crumbs of dirt on the sidewalk rock their universe and demand immediate attention. haha
No full blown psychiatric disorders, simply the nature of their beast. I am a big fan of personality theory and am very aware that my type, being of a more flexible, easy going, curious and non-controlling temperament clashes with hardcore orderly types.

That’s it in a nutshell.
Different beasts of a different nature.
I try to work on my tolerance and acceptance but being taken hostage for 20 minutes by someone whose upset of the day is little birds scratching in their flowerbeds is a challenge.

No, I don’t think everyone is “fighting a battle”. That’s no reason not to be kind, however. We should always try to be kind.

(Holy crap! Something got modded! I thought the mods were all defunct!)

Unfortunately sometimes some of the people who should be fighting a battle don’t appear to be. Just sayin’ (as they say.)

And some people go out of their way to find battles to fight.

@janbb I’m not a therapist but I am pretty well studied and know this person well. Certain personality types have natural tendencies towards particular processing functions and while they can morph into full blown disorders the nature of the beast is also hardwired and are not always, by a long shot, of a psychiatric nature. My type can be often be misdiagnosed as ADD or ADHD when our brains just naturally make a lot of disparate connections that evade others. Having a preference for order does not always mean the person has a disorder.

But taking it to the extremes, as the person you described did, sounds like it’s getting pretty close to a disorder.

@Dutchess_III Of course I can’t know for sure, but..I have known this person for 9 years and don’t see anything that takes over their life, they are just rather anal about things. haha

I mentally read this as:
Be kind because everyone you meet [could be] fighting some kind of battle [that you know nothing about].

But, you know. It doesn’t sounds as good as a quote.

Everyone seems to love this quote. To have empathy for something you may not know about. It’s a nice sentiment. And it may help to dispel some anger. Though I try not to use this kind of thinking. Like not complaining because someone else has it worse than you. You can feel bad for what they may be going through. But I don’t think someone else’s problems should make your own any smaller or any larger.

If I’ve got an ant problem in my driveway, I’ve got an ant problem in my driveway.

The Chinese have a saying: ‘you live with yourself in the spirit of autumn, you live with others in the spirit of spring.’

@flutherother Agreed, however, seeing a few ants is not an ant “problem.” haha
I just see how often people embellish small things and create all sorts of needless drama and magnify the small stuff into outrageous proportions. It would never cross my mind to complain about my neighbors leaves blowing in my yard or get all stressed out over seeing a few ants in my driveway. I’m the type that would go in the house and bring the ants something to eat, like a spoonful of honey. lol

@Coloma Maybe I’ve got an ant problem because my neighbor is feeding them honey.~ ;)

@fluthernutter Maybe, haha..“Oooh, look, poor little ants look hungry!