Caught my GF lying again... Opinions? Advice? Loud noises?

Time to hit the silk, dude!

It sounds like you are jealous. If you aren’t married then you don’t have much of a say on how someone acts. Your girlfriend isn’t your property. If you want a say then propose. Or else leave her to her lying ways. I think she is giving you warning to marry her or leave her.

So, you’re alright with her talking to her ex but you feel the need to interrogate her about speaking to her ex, then don’t believe her response and so go through her phone? That doesn’t sound like you’re ‘alright’ with her talking to her ex. Perhaps she’s psychic too and knows you aren’t cool with her talking to her ex.

Whether there’s anything sinister about the relationship with her ex, I have no idea. However, your behaviour seems very controlling and if I was your girlfriend, well, I wouldn’t be. I’d have dumped you.

You apparently have trust issues and set her up with your approach to your conversation where you knew she was boxed in and had no way out. You got the result you wanted….so the question to you is what do you really want? Do you want to go through your life not trusting your SO or yourself for that matter? This is your problem and you need to ask yourself what is it you want from a woman in your life. I always reminded myself…did she wake up with you or the other demons in your head. You need to step up and let her know why she is special to you so she does not have any reason at all to text her ex. The ball is in your court.

So you spy on her, which is intrusive and an invasion of privacy, but you expect complete honesty from her? That’s your problem.

Her lying about old boyfriends isn’t a good sign, but you told her it was ok?

You are all over the place. There is a reason she feels she cannot be honest with you. I suspect it’s because you send mixed signals.

Did these texts say anything incriminating? If not, this seems like your problem.

You really don’t sound like you are 28. And what’s with the ”.jpg” thing?

So, what’s the point of this? It sounds like you don’t like your girlfriend. So break up with her. What do you need from us? Nothing in this story makes you sound sympathetic at all, so you aren’t going find any of that here. I agree with @Earthbound_Misfit and @Cruiser that you sound angry and controlling. I think you’ll both be better off single.

My advice? Don’t tell her you’re ok with something when you’re not. Don’t get upset when she does something that you told her was ok. Don’t ask leading questions that she can’t answer without making you angry. Frankly, going by your post here, if you were my SO I would have told you to piss off by now.

@earthbound misfit
I am ok with her talking to her ex. I wouldn’t have told her that if I wasn’t; and so it has been, until now. My response here, is in regards to her blatantly lying about it. If she’s lying about something insignificant, then it’s my fault. But if she’s lying to cover up something, then what am I supposed to think? The fact that I have to fight for each sliver of truth in this conversation is very troubling to me. When she wants to know something of mine, I give her the whole truth, no questions asked. She gets information above and beyond the specific scope of the literal one question she posed. Why? Because I have nothing to hide, and I want to be completely open and honest with her like a healthy relationship should be.

I brought up the ex thing last night for good and valid reasons. Signs have been raising suspicion. Half answers with the hint of half truths that beg a further explanation which remains withheld. Things like her ever so slightly turning her phone away when she receives a text. Wild accusations that I have feelings for random nobodies. I simply haven’t included all the convoluted moments that led to this, because it feels incredibly tedious to elaborate, and irrelevant when it basically boils down to an explanation of how I know the woman I’ve been with for 6 years, and could tell something’s wrong.

I’ve never gone through her phone before, and it appalls me that I did this time. But honestly, I kinda had my back against the wall. The way I saw it is, either I could find out the truth of this for once, or just sit back and take what I knew was a lie. It’s not like I went sneaking around behind her back. I told her, “I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. Can I see your phone?”
And yet even though I was correct in the discovery of the exact lie I suspected, I’m still the bad guy here? Sorry… But I really don’t get that.

You paint me as this controlling asshole, when I just want to know what is going on… and maybe that’s my fault for being so mad when I typed that. But, I didn’t back her into a corner, as you all seem to believe. She backed herself into a corner by lying to my face. I asked her some questions that I was hoping to get a truthful answer to. Now I’m at fault for even asking or being smart enough to know when I’m being lied to? What?

loudnoise.jpg~

Well whatever the case may be you clearly do not trust her. Time to break it off.

@fluthernutter Right?

@tinyfaery

…sigh~

No… I don’t spy on her. I looked at her phone with her permission right in front of her.

No I didn’t tell her it’s ok to lie to me.

Is that what you do? Lie to people who send you mixed signals?

I don’t know what the texts said, because they were deleted.

Once you can forgive. Twice – well, she already voted. She doesn;t want to be your girlfriend. Either that or she’s a psychopath. Either way, you’re a fool if you stick around.

@dappled_leaves
Sorry the rhetoric didn’t suit your specifically adult sense of literature. It was an angry rant, not a New York Times best-seller.
.jpg? I like memes, and sarcasm is my coping mechanism.

You don’t trust this woman. Without trust you have nothing. Sounds like you both need to move on.

Well you certainly have a problem with communication. You misread everything I wrote.

Just break up with her. It’s obviously not working out.

If you’ve been in a relationship with her for 6 years and things are still this tumultuous between the two of you, nothing will ever change. I was in a relationship for a similar length of time and I wish I hadn’t been. Me and my ex were extremely incompatible and it was pointless.

If you were already sure that she was lying to you, there was no need to go through her phone. Clearly, you don’t feel that she can be trusted – which means you shouldn’t be in a relationship with her. Find someone you’re actually compatible with before you waste even more time in a relationship that’s doomed.

Work goes smoother when you get a good night’s sleep.

I am guessing you are ok with her talking to her ex but not so much. Then again, the fact that you specifically brought it up to her might indicate that you are not ok with it at all, because it seemed to make you angry enough to bring it up.

Apparently she has a lot to say to this guy if she is talking to him so much.

I agree it seems like the relationship is doomed. She is doing her thing and you are not ok with it. I know breaking up is hard but the sooner you do it, the sooner you may find peace.

The fact that you two were “on a break” indicates a lot of ambivalence to start with on both your parts.

And it’s obvious you don’t trust her. Without trust there is no foundation for a lasting relationship.

It’s time to move on.

“No… I don’t spy on her. I looked at her phone with her permission right in front of her.”

“After a while, I’ve had enough trying to pry the truth, so in front of her, I pick up her phone and casually scroll down to his texts.”

It sounds like you coerced that permission out of her. What a terrible position to put someone in.

Your original post is written as if you’re this paragon of virtue and honesty and she’s a conniving, underhanded liar. You’re being jealous, possessive, and controlling. With the way you’re acting, it’s obvious that you’re not ok with her talking to her ex, and that’s why she doesn’t feel she can tell you.

With a jealous and controlling boyfriend and not many friends, she probably just needs someone to talk to. If she had written this question, I’d advise her to break up with you. You should seriously examine your behavior and motivations, and it sounds like both of you would be better off single. Especially her, jesus.

Ooh, please may I pick loud noises?
<Farts into biscuit tin>

^ sorry I’ve been having a crap day and that made me laugh me head off

Break it off if you want to save yourself from further stress, and heartbreak. I’ve dealt with this, and in the end it’s never a fun thing. Just let her go, and find someone else. That’s the best advice I think I can give.