How can I gracefully create an opportunity to develop a relationship?

Is this doctor allowed to date patients? Where you her patient at one time? I had a crush on my psychology professor and she let me down easy. She was in a position of power over me so we weren’t allowed to date.

I feel compassion for your situation, but I have no advice at all. I just want to wish you luck, and lots of good days.

This isn’t a dating situation. I’m female straight and decades younger. I do have quite a few older friends so the age thing isn’t an issue either.

I agree dating your doctor/teacher is a bad idea. She did the right thing. Though it can be hard to be rejected no matter how good the reason is.

@Here2_4 welcome to fluther and thank you for the well wishes.

Do you have her e-mail address, or some form of online contact?

I’d write her a short but gracious note. Continue some conversation that you had in the past in a breezy and casual way, and say you’d be happy to get coffee some time.

I don’t have her email or any online info that doesn’t get screened first by her staff.

I do have her personal cell phone number but it was given in case of emergency and I don’t want to abuse her trust. She is always busy in her office so questions during business hours get screened by staff. When I go for treatment I may see and talk to her briefly if she has a moment. But it is always short and often in front of staff and or patients. Maybe a card would be an alternative?

Seize the day. Life is too short. Call her and tell her that you’ve been thinking of her and would like to take her to dinner.

I think a card sounds like a great start.

Why not send her a personal letter. Don’t put anything in it other than you hope she’s well and you’d like to catch up for a coffee if she’s available and give her your telephone and email contact info.

It’s then up to her if she follows through and you’ve said nothing that should cause her grief.

I do think @marinelife‘s suggestion that you call her is perfectly fine. However, if you’re concerned you may overstep the line, send a letter.

Is she still your doctor? If she is, she may be reluctant to take the friendship further. I get on incredibly well with my doctor and I could see us being great friends outside of the surgery, we have a lot in common, but I doubt we’d go there because it would have to affect our doctor/patient relationship.

Life is short @marinelife! I might not be that brave however. @Earthbound_Misfit she is still my doctor. But I fail to see how it would reflect on the doctor/patient relationship. It used to be common practice to have a relationship outside the office.

Thanks everyone I think I will go with the letter.

There’s a difference between working with someone in an office situation and having a relationship with your doctor. In the end, its up to you and her and it may not be an issue at all, but there are possible conflicts.

For instance, say my husband becomes friends with his doctor. They go for a drink once a week and they’re good mates. Then my husband comes impotent. He needs to talk to his doctor but his doctor is now his friend. He might feel uncomfortable talking to him because he’s now a friend, and not just his doctor.

Or perhaps you develop a serious illness. Your doctor may need to give advice about your health from an impartial perspective. It would be hard to do that if you’re now close friends.

Perhaps she gets to know your family as well as you and one of your family members talks to her as a friend about things you haven’t told her as your doctor.

There are lots of ways boundaries could become blurred.

As I said, it may be these things don’t bother you, but they might bother her. I’d certainly be cautious about developing a close friendship outside the surgery with my current doctor.