How should I publicly handle someone holding an ancient grudge?

Grudges are the worst thing, for health and peace in general. You can frequent the board without getting into it. Funny I just had a flame war on fb. She ended up calling me a goose, oh ouch hahahaha

Is this grudge going to affect current relationships you have with people you care about? If it is, let those people know what happened in the past, but otherwise, ignore her and her grudge. It sounds as though you were polite, but non-apologetic. Seems fair.

Life’s too short to let such things hurt you. We aren’t always going to agree with people on everything in this weird, online world we interact in. If she wants to play victim after all this time, well, says something about who she is really and I think you can rise above that and let it go.

I do kind of worry this person will go around telling people that I’m this awful person and they’ll believe it. But maybe if I just act neutral, the new folk will think she’s wrong about me. I just don’t want this person dragging my reputation down over a few flames that happened over a decade ago.

Perhaps you can strategically let people who are fairly well connected know this woman’s gripe dates back 10 years. That way if they see her or others bringing it up, they can perhaps redress the balance. By the sound of it, she was hardly an innocent victim. It does after all take two to have an argument. If you behave as you do here @keobooks, I find it hard to believe many people will think you’re some evil, aggressor. I don’t think you should do anything unless you have a strong sense she’s sullying your reputation.

My personal reputation is less than desirable considering past events. We get over small instances as we let go of less productive aspects of our past selfs, realizing that it is better to be productive than destructive. There is nothing you can do to change the past. All that you can do is continue to address her appropriately and represent the unbiased facts. Considering this person seemingly never learned to do such a thing, give it time and she will betray her own nature. Personally, I’d write this one off as completely inane and unimportant.

I had a very similar situation and it comes down to some people will never change their ways and you did what I did and just walk away. Life is to short and drama is IMO not a good use of valuable time.

You handled it perfectly. You Took the high road and came across like the mature person. People who are meeting you for the first time on that site will judge you by your attitude. You come across nice, she comes across as someone looking for a fight.

I was on another website which is no more and you were there too. We both know that every website seems to have their share of bullies!

Own your side of the street. You admit to us your behavior years ago was not anything to be proud of.

So a public apology for old behavior – “I am sorry for the way I used to be on this board and what I said to you. I am no longer like that. I wish you well”.

Then keep your behavior clean, don’t get sucked back into it. Let her take responsibility for her own behavior. People will see you have changed, and if she is the same way she was, they will notice that to her detriment.

@zenvelo My fear is that apologizing will backfire. Ten years earlier, I got into a REALLY nasty fight with someone and both of us carried it way too far. I decided that it was out of control, so I posted a defenseless apology for the mess. I did not defend my behavior or bring up the behavior of the other person. I tried to be the “bigger man.”

Behind the scenes, the other person and I patched up our differences and we both deleted all our flame posts. Both of us quit flaming after this incident.

People don’t remember at all what the other person did. They only remember my side of it. My apology made it look like everything was my fault to several people on the site and it took YEARS to get over it. I am sure some people are still mad about it.

Oddly enough the person I got into the massive flamewar with and I are somewhat friends now. Not besties or anything, but we are both friendly to each other and play online games together now and then. We don’t talk about that part of the past. BUT plenty of other people still remember and hold my behavior against me. This person I flamed is one of the “sweetest” and “best liked” people on that site. I am still recovering from my apology.

Don’t apologize! all that does it bring it up all over again to people who don’t know the situation due to not being there. Just move on and avoid this person.

Sounds to me like you grew up and she didn’t. Ignore her. I wouldn’t apologize.

@keobooks You handled it fine, if she continues just start calling her Stone Henge. lol
@trailsillustrated Hey, being called a goose would be a compliment to me, infact, that is my nickname in real life. haha

I’d call her Sunshine. There was a perfectly awful person on Wis.dm who basically thought anyone over 30 was an idiot. She was the smartest (and most privileged and she deserved it) person in the world. She was awful. Her screen name was Harmony Alexandria.
I ran into her on FB and immediately said, “SUNSHINE! Hi ya!”
So, just call her “Sunshine” and don’t interact otherwise. Others will soon see what you’re really all about. Especially if you tell them Maddie stories!

@Coloma I just knew that would be your attitude towards being called a goose : ^)

@Coloma pretty good considering I called her a man faced Neanderthal.

I think you handled it well. Over time people will see you are calm and a great person! We jellies know you are. If she still has a temper people will see her for how she really is without you doing much of anything. If you can, you need to get to a place in your head where when she upsets or angers you, you can turn it around and laugh at her ridiculous behavior. She’s a mean girl. What would you tell your daughter? Don’t play with the mean girls.

At the same time, I do think you can try to shut her down if she is a real pain in the ass and spends a lot of time trying to antagonize you. No screaming matches, but you can point out when she is being relentless or picking on you.