Would you mention the anniversary of their spouse's death to a friend?

I would just let it go. I may have mentioned something like that if we had been together ( face-to-face) and if the topic of conversation were appropriate as well as the mood.

I wouldn’t bring it up. I know when the peeps in my life died, I don’t want any reminders.

Yes, I decided not to write it.

28 years and a remarriage later is too long gone to mention it.

I wouldn’t. To me, it’s like putting it in her face. She might realize that it’s the anniversary but not want to discuss it.

I would only do it in person, and for a really, really close friend. Commiserate on the loss.

You said you always remember your friends hubbies passing and to not do so may now hurt her feelings that you didn’t. You could simply state your fond memories of him without sounding morose. She will probably be touched that you cared enough to remember him again as I am sure she does.

I agree with your decision not to bring it up. I’m sure she remembers. It’s probably etched on her brain and heart but I’d guess she’d mention it to you if she wanted to talk.

Not my partner, but I remember the anniversary of my father’s and my sister’s death. I can’t imagine either day will go by without me thinking of it.

I would only do it if I knew they always do something on the death anniversary.

@Cruiser I meant that I always remember not that we always talk about it. Thinking about it, I don’t think she’ would be upset if we were talking and I mentioned it, she might appreciate that. But I think it makes sense not to write or call specifically about it. Knowing her, I doubt the date is a huge deal any more but I agree with those who say she could bring it up if she wanted to talk about it.

No, I’d let it ride. It’s been 28 years and she is remarried, certainly seems as if she has given up the ghost, as it should be. I never acknowledge anniversary dates of death. dead is dead, what’s the point, much after the first couple years when it is still a fresh loss.
Reading this made me realize my mother has been dead for 20 years on the 29th, but honestly, this is the first time I have thought about it in years and years. I guess some people like to remain attached to anniversary dates, me, I could care less.

I wouldn’t say anything. Would the commenting be for her – or for you. Let it pass.
Light a candle at home if you need to do something for yourself.

I go to visit my best friend’s grave on the anniversary of his death. We share a beer and a cigar. I remove the tab from his beer and break the match as our tradition dictates. We chat for as long as the cigar lasts and I leave my beer can and nub at the stone. I am apparently not the only one who does this because there are more than my cans there.

I remember the dates of when all those close to me died, including my pets. It’s just how I have always been. I always call my (half) sister on the anniversary of my dad’s death. She is the only one besides me that remembers and cares. Anymore we don’t have to even mention the date, we both know why I call that day.

I think you made the right decision. I never mention dates like these, because I, myself, would not like to be reminded… I think paying close attention to a friend’s cues is the kinder thing to do here.

An old friend, now deceased, told me she was in a church gathering and it was announced that , “this is the anniversary of Evelyn’s husband’s death.” She told me , “they’re stupid.”
It had been two years since his demise and she was missing him terribly each day since.
No; I would never mention such an event. It’s too intimate and something the other person should bring up if he so chooses to.

Depends on your friend.

For me, it would be on my mind that day. And I wouldn’t be offended at all if a friend mentioned it. 28 or 78 years wouldn’t matter to me.