Trip to Viet Nam - should I go bearing gifts?

Have you talked to Logan about what the appropriate protocols are for you as a guest of the family and his girlfriend? He would be the one to know best.

Much of this depends on guidance from Logan. It is his culture you will be immersed in.

Ahh, I see @janbb was thinking the same thing as I was slow to type.

@zenvelo You owe me a latte.

@janbb, @zenvelo, Ah, yes, I have indeed asked Logan. He says I shouldn’t worry about it, and I do not have to bring gifts. But I think it is rude if I am staying with them, and don’t bring something.

@janbb next time you are in San Francisco.

@the_overthinker You are living up to your moniker. Follow Logan’s lead. If you really feel the need to take a gift, take it to the Aunt you will be staying with as a hostess gift.

Oh – in that case, maybe just some nice, but token gifts like good chocolates would be appropriate. I wouldn’t give them money since you are not a family member yet. Maybe some cute t-shirts for the children if you kow their ages would work too.

@zenvelo I’ll be there on Friday. :-)

Yes, I’d let “Logan” be the determining factor in what you might do as far as gifts.
If I were you I just pack a lot of american food goodies, candy, nuts, cookies, chips, maybe some pastas and canned sauces and other non-perishables and give the gift of foreign goodies.
Maybe some other incidentals, toothpaste, toothbrushes, chewing gum, novelty items etc.

Ask Mimishu to fill you in on anything you need to know.

@ZEPHYRA Great idea, I’ll share this Q. with her.

Bring an item from where you live, a postcard or trinket. If you were in Paris something like a picture of the Eiffel Tower.

This site says “When visiting a Vietnamese home, bring a gift for the hostess. A gift for children or an elderly parent is also appreciated.
Give items useful for daily activity, like designer soaps, cosmetics, lamps or framed pictures for the home. ”

Oh lovely. Thank you all for the responses. I think I will find something nice for the hostess, and perhaps have other little things to give as well :)

Native Vietnamese here :)

You don’t say where in Vietnam you will stay. I think the giving gift practice is varied depending on where you are. If you are in Northern Vietnam, especially in Hanoi, then you really have to bring gifts. This is a way to show your friendliness to the hostess. People in Central Vietnam and Southern Vietnam aren’t that demanding, but a small gift is appreciated. As for the content of the gifts, like @marinelife said, useful daily things are most appreciated. But food and money can also do fine (don’t worry about the money. Do a bit current exchanging, and you will see that a small amount of USD can be really big in VND). You are someone from a foreign country right? So they will be excited to see your exotic gifts (yeah we are always excited by things from foreign countries). You may give the children something helpful for their study (pens, notebooks…) and the adults helpful things for their work (soaps, lamps…). Also it helps if you give the gifts and say something like: “Here is <the gift> for <the one you give the gift to>. I hope this little gift will help you <function of the gift>. This gift may be small but I hope it will be useful for you”.

I would just do as Logan says. Better yet, if you’re able to ask his mother, that it the definitive answer.

@Mimishu1995, how do you know where to draw the line on who gets a gift? Won’t members of the extended family that don’t get gifts feel slighted?

@ibstubro Oh, I haven’t thought of it :P

But maybe the solution can be a gift that is useful for many, or at least doesn’t target one person, like if you give them dishwashing liquid all of them can use; or a toy that the kids can play together. It seems to me that @the_overthinker‘s family is quiet big, so making sure that each person has a gift can be quiet tiring.

Maybe you can scope out what American brands of makeup are desirable there. e.g. in Thailand, they like Cover Girl, which is not too expensive.

@Mimishu1995, ah, very interesting. I will be going to Ho Chi Minh. Now I’m thinking of gifting something such as hand or body lotion.

But as @ibstubro mentions, I am indeed worried the other relatives will feel slighted if I only gift a few, or miss someone.

@the_overthinker Like I said, you can give them something they can use together, and when you do you say that you give it to “the family” and not a specific person. Or you can divide the money and give each of them a little. I’m not sure about the structure of the family so that’s what I think.

Also I’m glad you don’t go to Hanoi. They are less tolerant there.

@Mimishu1995, yes thank you for the response. The families do not all live with each other. I will take all the suggestions into consideration :).

@the_overthinker you are welcome. And would you also like to know any other tips to stay in Vietnam or is that enough?

You are setting a precedence here. If you go bearing gifts for everyone, then each time you go, you will have to bring gifts for everyone.
My brother married a woman from another country and each time they go to visit, they take gifts for everyone that is related to his wife, gifts like cameras, phones and computers. Not cheap gifts, but they are now expected on each trip.

@chyna, yes I thought about that. I think I will gift Logan’s closest relatives. I wouldn’t go to Viet Nam very often anyways and wouldn’t mind bringing gifts each time :).

@Mimishu1995, tips would be good! I hear that it isn’t wise to have valuables out and visible on the street, or else motor bikes will whip by and grab the said valuables.

@the_overthinker True, what you said. Ho Chi Minh is notorious for robbery :(

And some tips:
– At Logan’s home, make sure you greet all the older people you see. You will be considered impolite if you don’t.
– The family appreciate it if you help them a bit with their housework.
– Learn to use the chopsticks. Most food we eat requires chopsticks.
– Some women are really talkative and judgemental. Well they just want to show off. Just leave them be (some of my aunts are like Logan’s female relatives.)
– At meal time there may be tables for certain people, like tables for the elderly only or tables for people with lower status. Let them decide where you will sit.
– It’s better that you just answer questions when asked. They generally prefer people who speak little. You are new so that rule will most likely apply.
– On the streets, people are reckless drivers. Be careful when you cross the streets.

I can go on and on but it will be days before I finish :P

@Mimishu1995, ah, thank you for the tips! I am a Chinese born Canadian, so I already know how to use chopsticks :). Ah, yes, I always greet elders to be respectful, especially when I’m at another’s house.

I won’t be speaking much since Logan’s relatives speak little to no English, and I cannot speak Vietnamese.

I will be cautious on the streets. Haha

Is Logan’s mother available to you? For you to ask?

Maybe you could take a very large box/tin of gourmet chocolates/cookies and present them to your hostess and let her decide how they get distributed. [Or not.] If she chooses to put them out, then you have shared with the closest family. After all, you obviously can’t bring enough for the entire country. :)

@ibstubro, Logan’s mother does not speak English, so I can’t communicate well with her either. And ah, I did think about gifting something for the hostess to distribute! Luckily I still have a year to select something and ponder :).

That’s a shame about mom.

I think I’d go with a quantity of something special that honors the hostess.

@Mimishu1995 might give you some suggestions.

I researched a bit, and souvenirs from your native country/hometown are frequently mentioned.

Check this site out.

If you give the children things, each should have a separate gift. It is not polite to take a whole bag of candy and give it to them as a group..

Some no-nos.

@ibstubro; wow, thanks for the research! :) It is thoroughly appreciated :)

Pretty comprehensive, @the_overthinker, and you have plenty of time to study/practice. Cool/interesting things I didn’t know.
Enjoy!