How do you stop having intimate dreams and fantasies about someone who is not your partner (NSFW)?

Well..if you are dreaming about the same person over and over again, clearly you have a subconscious crush or sexual attraction to them. If you have no actual plans to act on the dream fantasy then, just enjoy.
You can’t control your dreams but maybe you can, I don’t know watch a horror movie before bed and switch to nightmares instead of sexual fantasy.haha

I would offer different advice: “Try to stop feeling guilty about it instead, and the dreams may stop on their own.” Even if the dreams don’t stop, without the load of guilt that they add to your psyche you won’t feel bad when they occur.

It’s normal, natural and not unhealthy to have dreams – even highly charged and erotic dreams – about someone (or more) who is not our lawful partner. That’s even going to happen from time to time in highly committed marriages (and other partnerships) such as you have described. If it’s “normal” and “natural”, then the best thing that you can do is stop giving it space in your head in two ways, first by doing it in the first place, and second by feeling bad about it. (It’s the second way that’s hurting you.)

It’s part of life, and it’s not “bad”. Accept it – even feel free to enjoy it on occasion. (Many marriage counselors will tell you that it’s okay to fantasize about another even while you’re in the act of making love with your partner. Maybe you feel differently, that ”their okay is not my okay”, but I don’t think that they’re making a value judgment about its okay-ness, only its mental and emotional health okay-ness.)

If it adds any credence to my argument, my wife and I were together for over twenty years before we separated – and she left me. For the record, and if it lends any credence to my argument, I fantasized a lot about others from time to time during our marriage, yet I never cheated and never once even kissed or touched another woman sexually. She was the one who left me – when she thought that I was about to start cheating (which I still never did) – and she was also the one who cheated on me, as she confessed to me at the 10-year mark.

@Coloma That could turn into some real fucked up sexual fantasies lol

Well the other side is if you want to go really kinky in your dreams some of us perves can help.

@Adirondackwannabe is right. I’m masterbating right now. I’m not even in the mood, I’m just waiting for the pizza in the oven to finish.

lol

What I don’t understand is how this seems to be happening over the strangest things. The guy is my friend, and what set this off… he didn’t even do anything other than start a conversation with me about getting his wisdom teeth removed and ask me what kind of food he should eat. I swear, I don’t get my brain sometimes.

Relax. Our brains are always going all over the place.

Not much you can do to control it lol. But if you tell him he’ll probably be happy to make it a reality lol

He asked for a suggestion on something to eat and your brain just wait “Mhhmmm I know what I want to eat” lol

1. Uh, why.

2. Who said anything about cheating… Oh, right, you did.

3. You can control your thoughts and even dreams at all times, if you wish, with a simple device. For a small fee I shall reveal it to you.

I wouldn’t read into it. Dreams are weird, not some kind of deep reflection into your subconscious desires. I have sexy dreams about ladies more often than dudes and I’m not even into ladies.

Obviously your brain is trying to work something out. Perhaps you’re just horny. Maybe you fancy the person or perhaps it’s something else that your conscious mind can’t fathom. I’ve had fantasy dreams about people I truly can’t stand and woken up going ‘Ugh! What the heck?’ It happens. Just enjoy and don’t worry about it. He doesn’t know what you’re dreaming.

Wake up and masturbate furiously?

I sometimes have erotic dreams about some of you people and I don’t even know what you look like.

I think @CWOTUS pretty much summed it up.

Even though most of us probably prefer to be in committed one on one relationships, we are still sexual beings and it’s OK to be attracted to other people as long as you don’t act upon it (if you believe that acting upon it is wrong for you and your relationship). I think you would only have a problem if you feel guilty about it, or if you stop feeling attracted to your partner. Otherwise enjoy yourself : )

I just had an erotic dream about Dr. j last night. I wasn’t involved but just watching…

Gotta love them tentacles. lol

Just think of those teeth.

Why does it bother you?

It bothers me because I have a boyfriend, and I don’t feel like I should be having dreams about a guy I had a crush on for at least a couple of years before I was with him.

Have you talked to him about whether he has sexual fantasies about other people? Not in an accusatory way, but as a way of getting to know each other. I’d be surprised if he never has fantasies about other women. It doesn’t mean he wants to act on them, or that you want to have sex with your ex. If he told you he had enjoyed a fantasy about an ex-girlfriend, would you think badly of him? Would you expect him to police his dreams?

I actually have talked to him about this, and showed him this thread. He told me he can’t hold it against me because he’s told me about dreams about other women.

He has no exes…and the guy isn’t an ex.

Well he probably won’t be joining this community then I guess.

lol

I can’t imagine why not, @XOIIO. He sounds like he would be an excellent addition to the site, especially if he and @AnonymousWoman have the kind of relationship where they can safely talk about this kind of stuff with each other.

I think your bf’s response says it all. I’m sure he’s happy with you and he still has fantasies about other people. You obviously trust him and he’s not feeling worried or threatened about your dreams. Don’t over think it.

According to what I’ve read, your dreams, and his, are normal. People dream about alternate partners (and some even stranger things than that) all the time. I would tell my woman about them and laugh at the stranger or more comical ones. I wouldn’t try to stop having any particular type of dream.

And what does (NSFW) mean?

NSFW = Not Safe (or Suitable) For Work

Some of us have more intrusive / aggressive IT departments who not only filter some of those types of links, but also log the attempts.

@CWOTUS Thank you much :)