How different would your life be if you were single?

All I can say for certain is that my penis would be visiting a ton more locations.

I think that, in addition to the benefits derived from being married, there are sacrifices we make for the security and companionship we receive. I would be poorer, drunker, less healthy (or dead) and childless. I would not be in the home we built together, not in the central Texas town we live in, in fact probably not even have a permanent residence. My library would be a crate of books instead of a roomful. I would have had a myriad of jobs over the past 40 years and not the three that I have had, two of which were in the same field. There is a distinct possibility I would not have graduated from college (I met my future wife there) or would have gone into anthropology instead of a field I figured could help support a family. I would not have wasted five years of my life in Temple, Texas (or boogertown as we call it). The friends I have would have dropped by the wayside years ago because of my wanderlust. I would have seen much more of the world. I would probably not be as contented as i am. The reason I stayed married is that my wife makes me happy and my kids, while challenging growing up, have become wonderful adults that I am proud of. The responsibility kept me on track and while that track may have deepened to a rut over time, to quote John Denver “I have to say it now, it’s been a good life all in all…”

I’ve concluded that it’s best not to speculate on what might have been, or delude myself into dwelling on the fantasy paradise my life would be if free of “the ball and chain”. The truth is that I am almost certainly better off with my sensible risk averse “better half” countering my impulses regardless of perceived missed opportunities. And besides, there’s always the demonic satisfaction in knowing that I can irritate the hell out of her by merely showing her questions such as this.

I would be so lonely. My best friend and companion in everything would be missing.

I’m not just thinking in terms of marriage vs. singledom. Lately I’ve been going through some self analysis. Many things I might blame on being married I actually can do. I guess maybe that’s what women were talking about when they said they kind of lost themselves along the way. I’m getting to that age where I look back and question some of my choices and find myself in situations that never would happen if I were single. I don’t question my choice to marry, I have a lot of fun with my husband and I think he is a wonderful man. I’m just a little confused about myself I guess.

While I don’t regret the path I chose, I think had I remained single for a longer period of time (or forever), I would have had more worldly experiences at an earlier age. And I certainly would have experienced a larger dating landscape, for whatever good or bad might come from that.

I married my high school sweetheart within a week of graduating from college and proceeded down a path of work, buy home, work, sell home, work, buy home, work, have child . . . work, work, work. Just stepping through what I believed was my only path.

But, like rojo, I feel so many wonderful things have happened because I chose that path, and I’m not sure I’d trade it for anything.

I have learned what I am truly capable of since becoming single. It has been a hard, hard row to hoe but I have found my own true self.

“You must let go of the life you have planned in order to accept the own that is waiting for you.” Joseph Campbell

Right now my life would be very different, yes. A lot of my time is spent thinking about the future now that I’m going to be graduating soon – I’m making plans – and he’s a big part of them.

Life wouldn’t be as fun, and I wouldn’t be getting nearly enough emotional support and connection.

My wife forced me to do things I feared to do, like buy a house.
I am retired now, and I can assure you I am living far better now than if I were single.

No different at all…I am single!

I’m in @janbb ‘s camp. I was married for many years and choosing divorce 12 years ago gave me a new lease on me. I have a great adult daughter and don’t regret those years, but it was not going to be a sustainable situation and, in all honesty, like a lot of people, I stayed too long, primarily for my daughters sake. Reclaiming ones true self is the most liberating thing that can happen to us as humans I think. I have had a rough time this past 2 years with the economy crashing, but I still have no regrets about dissolving my marriage, other than the financial aspect.

I have loved be single and doing my own thing without having to consider anothers needs and input, I have not felt lonely or lacking in the least. I just wish I was able to earn 150k a year like my ex. Oh well, financially my life has taken a down turn but mentally, emotionally and spiritually it was a rebirth.

@Coloma Do you think the staying was worth it? See, I got out when my kids were still young. I thought about staying (until things got REALLY bad) but thought maybe it would be easier on the kids if it happened when they were younger….

I would have been even lower psychologically than I already am! Who knows what condition I would be in without my life partner who has the patience of a saint!

@Dutchess_III Well..hindsight is always 20/20 so in hindsight no, but you know how it tends to go, you keep thinking and hoping things will get better until you realize you are deluding yourself. The lessons of many 1st marriages I think. The programming was strong in our generation to make things work ya know? Now that I have come out the other side by miles and miles I would never stay in a relationship that wasn’t working any longer or where you recycle the same issues without resolution over and over and over again.

1. I would sleep better not sharing the bed.

2. I would be very lonely as my mate is the first person I want to tell anything I see/do/find amusing/shocking, etc. Though I suppose my children would be a great source of conversation and company..at least for about a decade more when they are all grown and likely living their own independent lives where a call/chat with mom will be a rarer event then it is (often, daily) now.

3. I would NOT date. I have no desire to EVER go through that again.

4. I would eat out a lot more – or have a lot of carry-out. (He prefers home cooked meals. I prefer not cooking).

5. I’d go back to doing things I don’t do anymore..like changing the oil in the car, topping off the wiper fluid, etc. He’s just taken over some things as a kind think he likes to do for me.

6. I’d move. I do not like the climate here and if I weren’t married I’d absolutely move to another part of the country immediately.

As I’ve routinely said to my husband – if I weren’t married to him I’d never have married at all. The proverbial “one” for me. I dated a LOT and for a long time and found THE ONE.
There is no one who could fill his shoes and so I’d prefer to be “alone” (have a dog, friends and lots of books and yoga classes & running buddies).

I’m not super-social, but friendly. I have no trouble finding folks to hang out with – so I don’t think I’d be super lonely..but I’d have a gaping hole no one else could fill.

So do you think it would have been best for the kids if you’d left much earlier? I still deal with a lot of guilt over filing for divorce when they were so young.

I am single.. So I wouldn’t know.

@Dutchess_III No, I am happy with how my daughter was raised, I wish she hadn’t witnessed some crappy arguments the last couple years of the marriage, but, all in all, she had a really good childhood, no regrets.

If I wasn’t married, I probably wouldn’t live where I do. My husband has a business here but my job gives me the opportunity to travel and work in different cities and countries and if I wasn’t married, I’d probably take advantage of those opportunities.

However, I’d probably travel less for pleasure and I’d probably do fewer of the things we do together for entertainment.

I think I’d probably eat differently because I’m more likely to grab a sandwich or something light than eat properly!

My living arrangement would be different. I’d be out closer to the wilderness, probably have a different job. All my shit would be paid for.