(NSFW) Would you be concerned if you had intimate thoughts about another while being intimate with your SO?

Just personal fantasy I guess, keep them to your self and enjoy.

It’s just fantasizing.

Nah, I can’t possibly cheat by humping Daphne Blake, so…

who is daphne Blake?

Think of it like a museum, “You can look but don’t touch!”

The hot red head in Scooby Doo

I think you’ve gotten all upset about that dream you had earlier and now you’re doing the “don’t think about an elephant” thing. If you keep thinking, “don’t think about an elephant,” all you’re going to think about is elephants.

They are your thoughts and belong to no one else. They are yours to keep.
Don’t share! Got it?

I never cheated on my SO. On the other hand, there were some times when we were “in the act” that I was thinking of someone else’s body.

You’re just fantasising. As has been said, don’t worry about it.

Normally comfort myself by saying that cheating isn’t a thing. However, from the outside looking in, I’d feel a bit emasculated if that was the case. I know there’s others that are more attractive than I, but you know…I feel like it’s kinda raining on your parade. But like everyone else, it’s only fantasy.

I personally would be, yes. But I consider myself to be demisexual – so it makes sense that thoughts of someone else during sex with my partner would really bother me, because for me, it would indicate that there was also some kind of emotional connection to the person I was thinking about, which would in turn imply an active interest.

Dreams, on the other hand, are not something that I would find concerning, since they’re completely out of my control.

@DrasticDreamer that’s pretty interesting…..How did you figure that out, if you don’t mind me asking?

Growing up, I started to realize that I wasn’t ever sexually attracted to someone unless there was some kind of emotional connection. I was a virgin for much longer than most of my peers because of it. If anyone ever found out I was still a virgin, I constantly heard things like “Why are you still a virgin? That’s weird.” Then, even after explaining why, I’d hear “But… why? Sex is great!” At the time, all I knew how to say was “I don’t know. Why aren’t you?” The constant questions made me feel alienated and very “other”. Later on, I started realizing that I truly was a minority in that sense, but that it was something I very much didn’t choose for myself – I had just always been that way, for as long as I could remember.

Some people (usually religious people) would commend me if they found out, which I also found highly irritating, because I wasn’t abstaining. It had absolutely nothing to do with morality or religion. Some people would even find out and get offended, as if I was somehow attacking their lifestyle – even when they were the ones who approached me and would start asking personal questions. They assumed it meant I didn’t like sex, or that I somehow looked down on them.

In ways, I struggled to understand why, exactly, I was the way I was. It would prompt curiosity at times, especially because there was no fast, easy way to explain it to people, and I got tired of it. I don’t mind when people are curious if they’re polite about it, and so I desired an easy way to explain. Then, years later, I started seeing “demisexual” here and there. At first I had no idea what it was and completely disregarded it, until one day I looked further into it – and realized that there, finally, was something to explain my sexuality.

According to some open-minded people, it’s actually better for the relationship if we think of some other people from time to time when we’re intimate with our partners.
But also, some people react strongly when they found their partners having done so. Some think it’s as severe as cheating.
It varies, I think.

BTW, I think for men, doing such “fantasy thinking” while having sex is like for a woman’s sleeping with another man; and for a woman, doing so is like a man’s sleeping with another woman.

Thanks all. I believe @Mariah may have hit the nail on the head.

I sent this thread to my bf because I wanted his perspective. I’m really bad at hiding things from him, as you may be able to tell.

He sent me this back:

“Dreams are harmless

Don’t feel guilty about them

Even fantasies while we are doing it

It doesn’t matter who is in your mind when your eyes are closed

It only matters who is there when you open them”

Not sure what I did to deserve him, but I feel better that he knows and still accepts me.

@AnonymousWoman, he’s very obviously a keeper. :-) The answer to your question was closer than you thought.

@AnonymousWoman You better grab this guy’s ass and hang on for all you’ve got. :) You both sound lucky to have found each other. Don’t question the little things and communicate, communicate, communicate.