People who "relax with a beer" in the evening - are you not getting drunk?

My husband quite regularly has a beer when he gets home from work. He usually drinks mid-strength beer and he’s never tipsy (as far as I can see). He likes the taste of beer. I think he just enjoys having a cold beer after work and I’m guessing the alcohol must have a relaxing effect, but I can’t swear to it. I don’t think he wants to get tipsy at all.

I have a low tolerance to alcohol so a glass or two of wine and I’m definitely tipsy. I can’t say I want that either.

@Mariah Think of how you feel, relaxed and at ease, after your first sip or two of wine. That’s how a person who is larger than you and with a bit more tolerance feels after a beer.

If one glass of wine makes you tipsy, then you’re a bit of a lightweight. There was a time in my life when I could easily down an entire pitcher of what many Americans would call “beer” and not feel much more of a buzz than I would from urine (which American “beer” closely resembles). Even now, I don’t feel a buzz until at least halfway through my second drink.

That said, being tipsy/buzzed is actually overdoing it if you’re looking to relax. @zenvelo is pretty much spot-on there. Alcohol does have an effect before it makes you giggly and unbalanced, but those who go from sober to tipsy faster than a 190 pound ex-sailor may skip over that entire middle ground at warp speed.

I think another factor might be at play here. I think it has something to do with finally being able to relax. I can’t drink at work so if I am to have a beer I will sort of by definition be relaxing. If I am drinking a glass and kids are yelling I will certainly not be relaxed. So it isn’t drinking that makes you relaxed. It is being relaxed enough that are in a position to drink.

Yeah, I actually agree with @johnpowell, although I’ve never thought of it that way before. It is more about having the freedom to have an alcoholic beverage than about wanting the effect of that beverage.

I think they are taking the edge off. I also think the routine is probably relaxing, and they like the flavor. I do think if someone drinks alcohol every day they are likely addicted in some form or another. They usually are pretty grumpy if they don’t get their hit.

@JLeslie Most people get grumpy when you mess with their routine or rituals. The only difference is those who eat/drink/smoke something are easier to demean. Just call them “addicted” and you don’t have to deal with the fact that you interrupted their lives; they’re the guilty one.

“Some form of addiction” includes routine. I do think daily drinkers are often physically addicted also, but not always, not all of them, but more of them then they would admit or realize I think. Even people who do routines not associated with alcohol can have a physical addiction in my opinion, because if how the brain works. We have seen studies if how food and social media and games can create chemical satisfaction in the brain that is associated with addiction.

One can relax without being comatose, you’re dealing in exaggerated terms, that’s all.

After the hit movie “Sideways” came out (if you are not familiar with it, it’s a comedy/drama about two wine connoisseurs on a road trip), there was a lot of criticism from the addiction treatment community about how possible alcoholism seems to be overlooked when we’re talking about certain types of people (eg. wine connoisseurs).

The people who tend to know best are the people around the person. If they think the alcohol has a negative effect it probably does. Unless they are partaking themselves, then they are unreliable.

I think it’s kind of the opposite of someone having a Redbull every morning. Are they getting high every morning? Do they have a caffeine problem/addiction?

Most people see nothing wrong with that…the caffeine is just putting them in ‘high gear’.

Alcohol, because it’s a regulated substance sometimes gets a bad rap out-of-hand. Used by a responsible adult it’s no more or less a problem than many legal substances.

Most people see nothing wrong with that…the alcohol is just putting them in ‘low gear’.

I usually like to have a beer every night. Usually just one, but sometimes two, and it never really gets me tipsy unless I’m drinking the higher abv stuff. I like the taste of beer, I brew beer myself, and enjoy analyzing the flavor as I drink it. That aspect helps me relax because it’s comforting, and it ties into a hobby of mine.

Ever play golf? That first mug of beer after a round tastes so so good. It’s the same as any other beer, but it’s different.

For me it is about enjoyment. If I have a beer I am drinking, yes, but it is usually with supper and I have no intention of getting drunk. I don’t walk through the door craving a brew and head straight for the refrigerator.

Most of the brewers of “craft” beers will sell 12 packs that have an assortment of beers. I like these because they give me a chance to choose what flavor to enjoy with my meal. Sometimes a good lager is called for, other days something a little darker and richer like a good porter while spicy foods pair well with a pale ale or saison.

If I plan on getting drunk I buy cheaper beer but I can’t remember the last time I purposely did that.

Ethanol, the main alcohol component found in wines, beer, liquors, and other alcoholic beverages, is classified as a central nervous system (CNS) depressant – a substance that can slow down brain activity. Thus, the ingestion of some will have a physiological relaxing effect, whether or not one gets tipsy.

If you have ever had a sudden serious shock (almost being hit by a car, for example) a shot of some kind of liquor, while not enough to impair, will likely calm you, stop the shaking, slow down the racing thoughts, etc. It is a physical response. If you ingest more than one “to relax”, then you are likely looking to get a little buzz as well, but the one will actually relax you.

Wow, @canidmajor. That make so much more fiction so much more relevant.

Shock is so often followed by a shot, and I always thought it was a conceit tired convention.

The “medicinal” aspect has a valid application.

I think I would much prefer to relax with alcohol than with a Jugum

The Jugum was an instrument used in the 18th century to treat men who were “feeling anxious, tired, and irritable” (symptoms that many men exhibit after a hard day at work).

Men afflicted with these conditions were diagnosed with “spermatorrhoea” and the cause was attributed to masturbation. In 1758, doctor Samuel Auguste Tissot published his theory on masturbation stating it was more devastating than smallpox since the act robbed the body of sperm, the “carrier of vital energies. By the late 1700s, the jugum Scary toothed things you don’t even want to imagine being applied to you body was created to prevent male genitalia from releasing sperm. The release of sperm was considered to be a serious detriment to physical and mental health. Eighteenth-century medical practitioners felt that too much masturbation could cause weakness, loss of vision, and loss of hearing. More importantly, it was also understood to cause insanity, epilepsy, and even mental retardation. The jugum, therefore, was not only a device used to treat a perceived physical ailment, but also one used to prevent and treat mental disorders.

@jerv I weight 95 pounds lol

@johnpowell That makes sense, thanks.

I’ve just never understood this! Thanks for all the answers.

At our house we have a bedtime routine that involves a nice (very deep, scented with natural or Japanese bath salts) bath.

I bring my iced tea, maybe a sweet of some sort (a bite of brownie) and a magazine to soak while it’s hottest.

Hubby likes it colder – so he waits till after me and tends to bring a glass of wine or a glass of the craft beer he and his buddies brew occasionally (it’s more about “guy time” in the garage I think—though apparently they do make some good, and a good variety of kinds, of beers).

I absolutely do not think he has a drinking problem. AND, he doesn’t even do this every night—because sometimes we’re too busy and everyone just takes a shower.

As the daughter of an alcoholic I can say there is no comparison. It’s no attempt on hubby’s part to get “buzzed” – it’s more about winding down and savoring a drink at the end of a day.

Just to be clear, there is a big difference between someone who drinks often and someone who drinks alcoholically and is addicted.

One’s drinking becomes alcoholic in nature when one’s life becomes affected by one’s drinking to the point it is unmanageable. Having a drink or two every night does not mean one is an alcoholic or drinking alcoholically.

@zenvelo Some would argue that even thinking about drinking makes one an alcoholic :/

@jerv Some might argue that, but they would be wrong. The medical community, the criminal justice system, the social welfare system, and the recovery community all pretty much agree with the way I defined it.

I generally have a glass of wine, sometimes two glasses three or four nights a week. It’s just enough to start to feel relaxed but not even to the point of feeling tipsy. No big deal, it’s when people don’t stop there that it becomes a problem. Small amounts are usually healthy for most folks.

When I drink a beer after dinner, the target is to relax, not get drunk.

Semantics really. I myself said above they are just taking the edge off, relaxing, but it’s still using the substance like a drug. Wouldn’t you agree? Once in a while so what, but every night? Or, even most nights. I think there is a big difference between that and once a month or three difficult days in a row and not again for three months.

The big tell in my opinion is what is the person like if they don’t have their drink.

@JLeslie How do you react when your life gets upended just because someone else had a hissy fit? Like I said, for many it’s not the substance, but the ritual/routine.

Also, the people I’ve noticed do this the most worked jobs where little details mattered; one slight error could do anything from “only” a few thousand dollars in damage all the way up to costing multiple lives. After a while, that tends to make most people need something, even if just an hour totally to themselves to unwind. Interrupt my nightly reading and I’ll react just as badly.

@jerv Are you saying every night? I just have a problem with people not understanding alcohol is a drug. I’m not saying I am above it all. I’ve popped more Xanax in the last 12 months, than I have in the last ten years. I’ve taken about 20, sometimes one a day for three days in a row, skip three months, and then one again, etc. I have had an extremely stressful year, one of my worst. I don’t try to tell myself it’s nothing. No, how I feel is, it totally completely sucks that I felt I needed it, and I don’t want to take it, and I have to change what is happening in my life. The problem with alcohol, and the ritual, is people love the ritual, so they put a chemical substance in themselves, to satisfy the ritual, not only for the actual physical affect the substance has on them. It’s a bad combination. Or, it can be anyway. Drinking is socially a very positive thing for a lot of people. People around them probably drink, it’s often frowned upon if someone doesn’t partake in the drinking when others are. It also is a “normal” thing to do for a lot of people. They saw their parent(s) drink every night, and they think that’s just what adults do. That’s how their habit starts to begin with most of the time I think.

@JLeslie Pretty much. Things are rarely simple. I know my smoking started less as a desire for nicotine than as a reason to step outside and get a few minutes peace and quiet.

I personally don’t get it. If you enjoy the taste of beer, fine, but I can’t imagine why you would. The stuff tastes like piss. I’m not a drinker, so I don’t understand drinking for relaxation at all. If I drink, it’s in an attempt to get tipsy and have fun in a social situation, such as having friends over. The idea of a beer or glass of wine after work doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’ve had a drink at a restaurant with dinner without the intention of getting tipsy, but that’s only for the flavor of a fruity cocktail. There’s no relaxing effect from it – it just tastes good.

Also, the thought of a dude drinking a beer while sitting in his chair after work every evening has always grossed me out. Thankfully I didn’t marry “that guy.”

@livelaughlove21 Not to mention the cigarette & slippers with TV remote glued to his hand.
“Where’s my dinner bitch?”

@livelaughlove21 Grosses me out too.

@jerv Thing is you can go outside and not smoke. I do understand that smoking helps occupy the mind. The ritual, as we have been saying. Pulling out the cig, focusing on lighting it, focusing on inhaling, exhaling. It’s like a breathing exercise ironically. I remember an episode of West Wing where one of the characters who was a recovering alcoholic talked about the feel of the glass, the perfect amount of ice to alcohol ratio, how it looked in the glass, it pleases all sorts of sensory things going on in our bodies. I really do get that. Most of all I think the distraction, or focus on the habit frees our mind for a while. It can be with food, alcohol, a hobby, fluther, it’s all about the distraction and enjoyment I think. Might as well choose a habit that is less likely to make you ill, kill you, or bother the people around you.

I love the taste of beer. From Bud Light to craft brew. We eat at the local tavern every couple of weeks and my friends don’t understand why I insist on trying a new brew every time while they drink pop. Too bad that’s about the only time I drink beer, because it tends to bloat me up and ruin any appetite.
On a hot summer day I’d prefer an cold bottle of beer over almost anything.
Usually I settle for seltzer or other fizzy water.

I’ll chance dehydration over Mt. Dew or Diet Coke.

@livelaughlove21 It sounds like you have only had the mass-market American stuff. I myself like a good craft beer or the occasional red wine, but cannot tolerate white wine, pilsners (what most American “beers” are), IPAs. Sometimes even the smell of them makes me wince. And I can’t imagine how anyone could like the taste of fish, so I suppose we’re even there.
If I’m drinking to relax, I’ll go for something like La Fin du Monde or something like that, and if I want tipsy, then I go Steel Reserve, something nasty enough you’ll slam the whole can down in an attempt to get blotto before your taste buds realize what you just did to them. In no circumstances will I drink something like Bud Light or Coors as that really does taste like piss.
If all you want is the buzz, maybe you are better off just skipping alcohol and going right to hard drugs; I don’t know anyone who does meth or heroin for the taste. Or, if you honestly like the taste of cocktails, just go for “virgin” drinks. I’ve been known to relax with good food too; though I drink and smoke, even I can enjoy good-tasting things just for the taste.

@JLeslie “Thing is you can go outside and not smoke.”
The military is not bound by the same break schedule as civilian employers are. If the only ones allowed to take a break and go outside are the ones paving their lungs, it boils down to how willing you are to do 10–12 straight hours to keep yourself pure. Sometimes the habit chooses you.
As for bothering people around you, my mere existence does that, but existing is a habit I really don’t want to break.

@jerv I only care about what my husband does. I have friends who drink regularly and that’s fine. If my husband did it it would be a huge turn off for me and I would really be uncomfortable.