Is it selfish to commit suicide when you know that the person who is going to find you will be one of your kids?

I agree, it is selfish and harsh. You make the pain even harder to deal with. Was there a note?

I don’t know at this point. Apparently they found a shoebox with a bunch of random notes in it. Some had been written when he was obviously shit faced. Some of the mentioned suicide. He has been very depressed since his divorce.

Human mind is an abyss. Poor kids.

Incredibly selfish. It will haunt his kids forever .

Yes

I’d need to know the guy.
I won’t label him selfish for his last action alone, which must have been motivated by a despair I hope to never feel.

@longgone I don’t think the suicide part is necessarily selfish but knowing that your kids will find you seems like something that should be avoided.

I found a boyfriend that had committed suicide and I can tell you, in my mind, it was totally selfish. It affected me for years. He had to know that either me or his sister would find him. But then, he must have been really suffering to have done that, so who will find him was probably not on his mind.

A person I know committed suicide last year. He had made plans for a co-worker to come pick him up for lunch, intending for her to find him. She was held up in traffic so his son ended up finding him. Either way, someone would suffer the agony of finding a suicide victim.

That’s why I suggested a lake somewhere, where a stranger, a stranger ranger will find you.

That is very harsh, and while I agree with doing yourself in if you so choose, to place that burden on a young child/person, any family member that was not expecting it, is thoughtless.
This is the big difference between rational suicide and thoughtless suicide. A rational person would disclose their desire to expire to family and say their good byes and have a rational plan intact to spare family from the shock of the unexpected, such as dialing 911 at the last minute before passing out, or calling the police or fire dept. and disclosing your imminent expiration and leaving it to them to trace your address to be found by professional emergency personnel.

Thing is, to discuss your intentions automatically means most people will run interference, this is why the taboo of suicide needs to be addressed rationally.

I can’t help but wonder if he was drunk when he did it. He drank a lot.

@Dutchess_III Yeah, being drunk would automatically put you in the irrational catagory. Oops, might have changed your mind the next morning.

The fact that he used something less final than ‘one of his many guns’ and that his daughter found him would lead me to believe that he had secret thoughts of last minute reprieve. If he used pills, hecould have vomited them up and been resuscitated when his [hero] daughter rescued him. Who knows what goes through your mind when you’re so distraught you’re willing to end your own life.

I’d resist putting any weight into the “ex-wife’s speculation” or whether he was drinking or not.

While titillating for the peanut gallery, all the rumor, speculation and innuendo around his death is doing the kids and the rest of his loved ones no good whatsoever. Dead is dead. Let them grieve in peace.

@janbb It definitely should be avoided. I can’t see how anyone can kill themselves; knowing that they will cause grief to their loved ones, as well as shock and a horrible image to whoever finds them.

However, people do kill themselves. Good, considerate, loving people, even – lots of them. It’s perfectly all right to feel angry while you’re grieving, and I was, too…but at some point, I think it’s important to realize that committing suicide goes with a change in perspective. Death is the only thing that matters. I can’t imagine feeling like that – which I consider a good thing. I hope I will never be able to truly understand the wish to die.

That is pretty fucked up. I would just go to the park and call the cops while I was drifting off.

@ibstubro him drinking was not his ex-wife’s speculation. It was mine because I rarely saw him when he wasn’t drinking.

The wife speculated that he didn’t use a gun because he knew their daughter was going to find him.

God. I knew someone who hung themselves, and the first person to find them was their 6 year daughter.

I think that there is a good chance that this person wasn’t thinking in terms of who would find him. He may have simply chosen to go in a way more peaceful than violent. It sounds like he had been slipping into this black depression for a few years, and may have been barely holding it together for the last months. If there was no note, no explanation, all anyone can do is speculate. He may have thought that he was helping by not making a mess.

When you’re down so far that you’re taking your own life, your logic is so skewed that you don’t really think about the devastation you may leave behind.

Suicidal thoughts are a side effect from severe depression. The people are NOT thinking rationally and aren’t really in a mental place to think of other people at the time. He probably wasn’t even thinking of his kids at all.

Who’s to say it wouldn’t be a little kid to find you somewhere else anyway. It’s certainly more traumatic for the family member finding you, but it’s fucked either way.

Yes.

Yes.

You seemed upset that Rick was gossiping about his friend’s suicude.

Is this better since you weren’t close friends with him?

Anyone desperate enough to commit suicide has passed the point of thinking rationally. They’ve given up hope for themselves.

The question says more about anyone willing to discuss it more than the mindset of the dearly departed.

“Dearly departed?”

@SABOTEUR Actually, I had a friend who committed suicide and times it that a new date would find her rather than her 15 year old son.

It doesn’t have to be a family member.

Sixteen years ago my sons best friend got off the school bus, walked into his back yard and hung himself. My son was the last person he spoke to and his friends last words were “See ya!”

He left a note telling his parents he was sorry for all the money he had cost them and all trouble he had caused them and hoped that the courts would drop the fines once he was gone.

None of this was spoken of the day of his death. He had had a good week at school and my son and he were laughing and carrying on like two sixteen year olds glad to be free and on their way home after a day at school.

My son still wonders what it was that he missed; what did he not see, hear or feel that would have told him this was even a possibility. Although intellectually he knows that he is not responsible the knowledge does not assuage the guilt he feels to this day.

Goes way beyond selfish, incredibly cruel, heartless & massively irresponsible.
Class A attention seeking bastard.

We’re kind of feeling the same way @roj , like we should have done “more.” But more what?

There is nothing read: No-Thing anyone can do if someone is bent on taking their leave.
IF someone wanted to be stopped, was really seeking attention they would be playing the suicide card on a regular basis. Those that are deadly serious just do it. I think the best thing anyone can do is to give the deceased their due, in the sense that they WANTED to be gone, and whether or not those feelings might have changed, well…no use in wondering.

@Dutchess_III From what you mentioned this guy lost everything, job, family and all hope of a better future. Sometimes when you add up the balance sheet on life the cons do outweight the pros. Clearly this was how his balance sheet added up and while sad for those coping with the shock, really, it is best to accept that this guy wanted to expire and that was his choice, even if he could have handled it better.

I have not questioned the actual suicide, or the reasons behind it, so I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, @Coloma.

@Dutchess_III Referring to your mention of thinking you could have done “more.” Exactly…more of what?

It was just a thought.