Parents - did I do the right thing?

I sure hope there is nothing wrong with this. A kid comes by to help a neighbor shovel and candy is provided. What could possibly be wrong with this? It’s a win/win.

The only question for me would be an allergy to nuts. Would a 7-year-old be aware of that? I would have asked his mom rather than having the kid ask her. Conceptually it seems fine.

If he’s made it to seven he should know if he has an allergy to nuts.

@gailcalled yes, that was my main concern but I think Addie is right.

It’s the parents’ responsibility to keep their kid alive. If he had a severe allergy, while not having displayed the good sense to say so…then they shouldn’t have let him go out unsupervised.

Yes, I think you were cautious enough. I wonder when these questions will make it over to Europe. As far as I am aware, no-one would hesitate to offer treats to a child they know.

@longgone Having to be so very cautious is certainly not the way I want to live in the world.

^ It sounds stressful!

I had terrible food allergies when 4 and 5 years old. I knew what I could not have and what I could have. My uncle would take me out after church or trip to the beach. I told him what I could have i.e. 7-UP not Coke or Root beer because of caramel coloring.

I think it’s fine. If the kid had a nut allergy he would definitely know about it by now. My cousin’s daughter is 6 with a nut allergy and she knows very well that she has one. She has been to the emergency room several times because some product had nuts in it that didn’t advertise the fact (usually ethnic food of some sort)

Anyway. unless the parents have severe helicopter problems, I don’t think you should worry. And if he was able to get into your yard without some mom hovering around him at all times, you are probably in the clear.

“Rewarding” kids with candy is terribly old fashioned, no big thing, just my opinion.

I would have thanked him, given him the bars and told him to ask his mother when he could eat them. The chances of a peanut allergy are remote but the chances of them spoiling his next meal are high.

@flutherother That’s what I did.

Next time give cash.

At that age they will show the bars to their parents with pride; ‘look what I got’. Plus there is a fair chance the parents sent the kid over in the first place.

I thought of giving money but I didn’t want to do that. I felt that would cheapen his generosity in some way and that a gift was a better response.

How sad is it that we have to be so, so careful. Such a lovely interaction between two citizens at different ends of the age spectrum and it’s complicated by such questions. Valid questions @janbb but sort of takes the gloss of it all for you. Perhaps talk to him parents and make sure they’re okay with it and ask if he has any allergies. Tell them that after the fact, the thought occurred to you. It might start a whole new friendship with the boy and his parents.

Well, I will mention it at some point but I wasn’t going to walk over there in the snow while digging myself out. Interestingly, I had a discussion with his father a few days ago about him snow blowing my snow when he does his and offered to pay him. He said he would not take any money so I didn’t want to offer the son any.

But – there is a lot of helicopter parenting and protectiveness (over?) in America today so one does tread a fine line. I grew up a much more trusting and open person than is sometimes acceptable today and that’s why I was sort of concerned.

And there never seemed to be the deadly peanut allergies that seem so widespread today. Although you heard about them more five years or so ago so maybe they are not the fashion any more?

You can have some allergy friendly treats handy for next time.

@talljasperman Yes, a good idea.

Deadly peanut allergies are not a fashion. My cousins daughter has been to the emergency room many times. They are in the rise worldwide. I can link you some theories when I’m on the desktop instead of the tablet.

Please don’t laugh them off as a fashion. They are very real.

@keobooks Sure. I stand corrected.

As a former 7-year-old I would have been unhappy (but too polite to say anything) that you thought Baby Ruth bars were even fit for human consumption, much less “a reward” for a good deed.

From that age to this I would be perfectly happy with dark chocolate, chocolate chip cookies … or cash, and I can buy my own treats.

I’m with @Adirondackwannabe on the allergy thing. If he isn’t bright enough to know whether or not he has a severe allergy, then you’d be doing the gene pool a huge favor if your treat takes him down.

@CWOTUS Guess you won’t be coming to my house to shovel any time soon then. It’s what I had in the house – better than a bag of kale I suspect.

@janbb Ugh, you give 7 year old me a bag of kale and I’m egging your house, TPing it, and setting a paper bag of dog crap on fire on your porch. I’ll watch the bag with a fire extinguisher till you put it out, but kale?

@Adirondackwannabe Yeah, but would you be any happier with a Baby Ruth? :)

Well I would say if you haven’t had a knock on your door yet about this don’t stress about it. He is 7 and will know by now if he is allergic or not, he’s probably not with his mom the whole day so he will have to know this to tell other people hes allergic. I think by now his mom already praised both of you, hopefully, him for doing such a kind deed without being asked, and you for giving him a reward for his deed.

You tried to do something sweet with what you had on hand and I think that’s great and touching.

It’s definitely a sign of the times that we have to be so cautious when it comes to food. I know in my daughter’s school, there are certain classrooms in each grade that are designated “nut free.”

The alternative that I can see is you didn’t give him anything at the time, but then picked up something small at the store as a thank you, like a small gift (less than $10), for example a small paperback book with a little thank you note on it. We get flyers from school for Scholastic books, most are less than $4.

@jca Yup – that’s a nice idea too.

I am certain that your intentions were shining through your generosity.

Please believe me.

Since you asked, though, I am going to answer your question. As a parent of three boys with a lactose intolerance (the youngest one might actually have an allergy… but he’s still a baby so we’ll have to wait and see…) and GI issues that are triggered by unknown foods, I prefer that people discuss giving food to my kids with me directly (and preferably not in front of them). This almost never happens.

I also think that the food should go to the parent to distribute at the appropriate time.

I don’t think badly of people who directly give food to my kids. I appreciate their kindness and teach my kids to do the same.

But also food times have changed and some people are very concerned about allergies, sensitivities, anaphylaxis, intolerance, genetic modification, obesity, sugar, flour, gluten, addiction, and on and on and on.

I think it’s right for you to pause and question your demonstration of generosity. I also think you’re a sweet, sweet lady and would be so lucky to have someone like you as a neighbor.

@Cupcake You are so tactful! Thanks for the input.

I try.

I was just picturing my 3 year old getting two mini chocolate bars from a neighbor. He would be over-the-moon excited… and I would be thinking, “Go get the probiotics, miralax and eczema cream. Good thing she’s so darn likeable!”

My little guy ate 2 M&Ms on Halloween night, so 2 mini chocolate bars would be like two week’s worth of Halloweens for him!!

I did tell him to ask his mother before he had them but yes, there was some lingering doubt about what I did in this day and age.