Do you often say things you later on wish you hadn't?
Asked by
dopeguru (
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February 23rd, 2015
Even when it seemed the right thing to say or do at the time, do you soon later regret saying it?
For example, if you’re in a relationship and you are unhappy how you were being treated. You let your partner know, but soon you realise it wasn’t just his fault. So you wish to take back all you’ve said, but hey its too late.
I wonder what drives us to do that and whether it is a right behaviour or not. I often see people who are afraid of speaking or taking risks because they want to do everything as perfect as possible. So they think too much before initiating anything and chose each word as rational as they can, with the safest/best outcome.
I find this way to be fine, but unfortunately Its hard for me to train myself into being the master of this way of going about.
Do you ever find yourself doing the former? Which one is the right one? From the heart or from the mind? Risk or safety?
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25 Answers
Not “often.” It’s a painful lesson to learn, and I’ve learned it.
With maturity comes fewer regrets.
Once words are spoken they cannot be taken back.
My question back to you is: do you apologize when you realize it’s not your partner’s fault?
The best way to change yourself is to not speak up about anything except what you can change, which is never other people, just yourself.
No, never.
When something is said, it’s said for a reason, regardless, it’s done & soon forgotten.
Of course things are said for a reason, but those reasons can be invalid. I just can’t believe you have never apologized for hurting someone. Your wife? Your kids? Never once apologized to them for anything?
And forgotten by you @ucme. Not necessarily forgotten by those you hurt.
I’ve never hurt my wife & am utterly incapable of hurting my kids.
Regardless, this is in General & it isn’t about me & certainly not solely about you, so I suggest you move on & let others have their say, out of respect for the OP.
@zenvelo Can’t we point out a mistreatment, something that is off? When I am doing something that I don’t realise is off putting, my friends fairly aggressively point it out and I become more self-aware. Sure it generates defence at first, but if they have a point and I’m not extremely narcissistic, I let it sink in and later on appreciate.
Nope. I often wish I had the guts to say what I really feel.
It takes a lot of weighing of pros and cons before I say something big. I’ll often send a carefully-written e-mail to make sure the message is exactly what I mean.
I’ve learned over the years that “less is more” and it’s better sometimes to say nothing than to say something stupid.
As far as your dilemma with the boyfriend, without knowing more details, it’s hard to assess whether you are in the wrong or the right or the gray.
Too often, but not often. Just one time feels like too much; it’s an awful feeling. I can’t think of a time I have hurt someone by saying too much, but I probably have. I worry more about saying too much and it changes the other person’s opinion of me, or I give away information that I shouldn’t have. Never a confidence about someone else, I am very very good at keeping a secret, I am trustworthy. I mean, giving away information about a situation or my ignorance of knowledge about something that puts me in a weaker position.
I’ve never felt big regrets with anything I have said to my husband. Little regrets like just driving him to frustration by talking or worrying too much, but never something that I worried I offended him or significantly changed our relationship by something I said.
I seldom things I regret.
Or perhaps I seldom regret the things I say? That may be more near the truth because I don’t believe in regrets. We all do the best we can with the information we have at the time. If you lacked information and you made a wrong call, admit it and move on.
Another possibility is that you’re dealing straightforwardly with passive/aggressive people and they are turning your words around on you. Beware of that. It’s impossible to counter unless you’re aware that it’s happening, at the time that it’s happening.
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I used to, but I’m reformed and bored out of my skull.
I can be very comfortable saying things, only when I am very comfortable who my audience is.
I think it depends on your personality type. If I don’t say anything straightforward as it is, it would eat me out from the inside. I need everything to be clear all the time, even if it will be a reason of a breakup. And I am not sorry about it because for me it’s impossible to keep anything inside, it’s unnatural.
That can be tricky at times, @edieb, but, overall, it’s easiest and the best way to be.
I don’t think it’s unnatural. I mean, we’re social animals. As such, we have to adjust our behavior for what’s in the best interest for society as a whole, not just what’s best for ourselves.
@Dutchess_III I meant it’s unnatural for me, not for everybody for sure, it would be wrong to say that a single thing is right for everybody.
You mean you don’t like it.
No, what I meant was that every person is different, for some people it’s common to close up and deal with personal stuff or emotions without saying it. For me it’s impossible as I’ll explode :) So to keep something inside or to speak up it depends on a type of personality. There are no wrong people, they are just different.
I have learned to be much more careful with what i say for the simple reason you can never take back what is already said.
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