Ok I want to know where is it OK to ask someone for a date?

Ever since the idea occurred to me I’ve wanted to try this one:

Flirt at a bookstore. Be actually interested in some books that you’d consider reading, or at least consider buying to have available for someday when you might actually crack it open and look at it for awhile, and when your “victim” comes along casually ask, “Say, can I buy you a book?”

It’s the same as the bar pickup line, but to my mind way cooler. (But potentially more expensive, I suppose. Them’s the breaks.)

@talljasperman: You’ve talked on here about not wanting to go out and that you do things like having your food delivered. Your best bet is to get out more and talk to people you come in contact with. The people who work in the stores where you buy your groceries, the people who you order food from in fast food places, the people in your building, the people you see on the street. Just smile and say hello to people and see where that takes you.

@CWOTUS I LOVE that idea! Bookstore flirting!

You can buy me a book!
I would like “Sapiens A brief History of Humankind ” byYuval Noahm Harari Thanks!

Why do you say “Everywhere is off limits”? What rules are you talking about?

Everywhere isn’t off limits. Just avoid flirting with someone that is currently providing a service you are paying for. Flirting with someone at a pizza parlor is fine as long as they are not working there at the current time

This isn’t something I am making up.. My sister has scolded me for flirting with bartenders.. She spent years tending bar so I figure her advice is trustworthy.

@johnpowell That’s right. People who work with the public have to be nice, it’s part of their job. If you flirt with someone while they’re working, it puts them in a position where they can’t really say anything even if they’re uncomfortable.

@talljasperman There’s this one particular guy who comes into my work. He has a loud, cheerful personality and you get the idea that everywhere he goes, he flirts with women. I make a point of standing so there’s something between me and him- a counter, cases of wine, whatever. If I forget to do that, he puts his arm around me and plants a wet whiskery kiss on my cheek. It’s basically harmless, and there are a lot of things that customers do that are way fucking worse. But the point is, if you hit on someone while they’re working it isn’t a level playing field.

Generally you have to put yourself in social situations in order to meet people. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to go to bars. There are plenty of other places.

Not that I’d know anything about that. I met my husband on MySpace, of all places, when we were 17. Thankfully I’ve never been in the dating scene. Seems like a lot of work.

If you don’t like being around people, what do you want a girlfriend for (aside from the obvious)? Dating usually includes going out, unless you find a woman who’s just as much as a homebody as you are. If that’s what you’re looking for, I’d say the Internet is the best place to meet her.

@CWOTUS I love the bookstore idea. Buying a book wouldn’t be necessary- that might even be a little over the top. But if a shy nerdy guy started a conversation about books in a bookstore, that would totally bag me, just saying.

Another polite and classy to meet someone is to ask, “mind if I join you?” or “what are you reading?” That would probably work well in a coffeehouse (especially one inside a bookstore?). In real life, each of those has led to me exchanging phone numbers with a guy.

If you don’t think of the initial encounter as flirting or asking for a date, you might be much better off. See if you can start a conversation first and see where that takes you. I imagine you have difficulty making friends and that is a precursor to dating. And I agree with those who say it is icky to hit on with someone who is doing their job.

In the grocery store would be good.
They’ll be right next to the figs & raisins & such.

I guess I will be the person who goes against the grain. I think the bookstore is a bad idea. I am there to read not flirt and the library too. Same with the gym which has been suggested to me (since I go there fairly often) Again I go there to work out not flirt.

This is I guess somewhat age dependent and obviously helps if you attend there, but a college campus is a good spot.

But in all honesty this whole it is “off limits” thing of where you can or can’t is completely made up. It is a matter of judgement and situation.

For example a while ago now, I was doing some work and notice a new girl who was helping temporarily if you will. I typically have a rule for myself that I don’t flirt while working, but whatever I was smitten(correct word?). Talked to her a little bit, sat next to here on break and eventually got her number.

I don’t regret it. If it feels right then do it.

Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. That being said I not often have a woman advance on me, so you being a man are going to have to get some guts and make a move. Think you can chalk that up more to society but anyways I digress.

At the place you two are having coffee.

Most anywhere, so long as there is nothing in play that requires the other person to be nice to you, such as with clerks or nurses on the job.

I heard about something the other day I think might be helpful to you – Rejection Therapy. Everything in life takes some repetition to become comfortable with it, and this is a way to make yourself practice getting rejected, so that flirting can become something fun and sometimes effective rather than awkward and uncomfortable and totally ineffective. Here’s an example of rejection therapy in action.

The thing is, anywhere is fine to ask a woman for a date, and nearly any time, too. With this caveat: You have to do the groundwork first. You have to meet her in some way, let her get to know you and trust you; you need to know that she’s available and amenable to dating in the first place. You have to be a somewhat known quantity in her space – unless she’s a professional working girl and all you’re doing is agreeing on a set price for services that we won’t mention here.

The tongue in cheek idea that I first mentioned may be a decent way to break the ice and meet someone in an offbeat way that helps to lower her guard to allow you into her space to make that first impression, the first introduction, the gateway to “getting to know her”. But that’s all that is. You would never use a corny line like that and then segue immediately into “Can I take you out? What’s your number?” But it might be enough to suggest, say, a coffee right there in the bookstore while you chat about authors or books that you both enjoy – or not. (I have actually made some of my best first impressions through friendly, humorous, satirical and parody arguments, more than through searching for points of agreement – but it’s a developed skill that I would not counsel that you lead with. I think the thing that has worked for me in those cases is demonstrating that I can argue and still be friendly and respectful, to show that I listen to what she’s saying and respond to whatever that was, to show that I do have a sense of humor and playfulness, and that I don’t take unserious things too seriously.)

It seems to me from your questions that you’re having problems with the meet-and-greet, which is tough enough, I will grant. But if you press too soon on the meet-and-greet then you’ll come across as desperate, needy (or worse) and not at all attractive. You can’t rush these things.

So, difficult as it is, I think you need to work on your skills in smiling and saying hello – just that for now – and then build up to another gradient step after that, “getting to know each other”, long before you even think of asking for a date. The process of getting to know a potential date isn’t the same as sex, but it can be a lot of fun in its own right.

Doctor’s surgery
Hairdressers
Both require appointments, guaranteeing you a date.

Well, I just asked a guy out when I was at the reference desk so I guess all bets are off. (And I didn’t even have to take my glasses off.)

@janbb: I hope you got a positive response!