Should I stay in or am in denial about getting ahead?

I could save some money by giving up and accepting that I am disabled. No business specialty chanels no iternet or Fluther no dating sites. No credit card. No saving for university. I feel as I am imitating what I would do if I still have a chance to get ahead. I feel prudent, (or as a prude )and guilty of using food money for books on science. I only real goal is to run my household and get 20k in Fluther and to aquire the trappings of a professional.