What are the right questions to ask?

Surely the right questions will depend on the topic being investigated and what you’re trying to find out and why? I don’t think there’s a way to tell you what the right questions should be without knowing what the problem is or what it is they’re trying to discover.

Frankly, it sounds as though they’re being rather unfair. I presume you ask them questions you think you’d want the answers to in their situation. You can’t read their minds so if they want you to ask them specific questions perhaps they should provide you with a list.

I’m sorry if I’m not helping here!

The right questions are the ones that show that you are, for lack of a more fitting term, their bitch.

It sounds like they are unwilling and/or unable to handle a different perspective on whatever, so seeing it from any viewpoint other than their’s is “wrong”. If they wanted to vent, then no questions would be required. If they wanted help, then no question would be wrong. But neither of those is the case.

From the sounds of it, they not only want you to agree with them, but they want you to go so far as to think like them.

Tell them that they are right and move along. They don’t want questions, they want validation.

Are they unable to articulate their points in a comprehensible fashion? How incredibly pretentious of them to tell you that you are asking the “wrong” questions. If you are not in a philosophy class, it is incumbent on them to be clear with what they say.

Unless, of course, they are talking about the potential manned Mars mission and you ask them what type of pancakes you should have for breakfast. :-/

I can possibly understand what they mean although without examples it is hard to actually know what is going on. I have one friend like that. She’ll fixate on an unimportant detail of what I am saying and ask about that. Let’s say I told her I went out to dinner last night but I was really feeling down. She might ask (this is a broad example), “What did you have to eat for your main dish?” Instead I probably would have wanted her to ask why I was feeling so badly.

If you are focusing on the details and not the emotions of what they are talking about, that might be where they are unhappy with your questions. Maybe try asking broader questions about how they felt and why rather than questions on the content.

Does this help at all?

Every one had an interesting take. I will have to examine the next incident to see if @janbb is correct. I mean I don’t want to think she is. Generally my friends do confide in me. But I will have to be certain. I would have offered details but the situations are varied and they require tons of back story. It isn’t my strong suit to edit it down.

I always feel that it is so unfair to criticize the manner in which somebody tries to help when it’s just kind of them to stick their neck out to help at all. You’re not a mind reader and you can’t be expected to know exactly what kind of help they want all the time.

That said, I just went through a training that my college provides through its counseling center about how to best comfort a friend who is confiding in you. The key is always empathy. Nobody will ever respond badly to displays of empathy.

@Mariah sometimes the simplest answer is the hardest to find. You have a point, usually I am vary empathetic however with these two and since they are so analytic and because they so rarely show me empathy when I come to them there are situations which I feel they aren’t approaching analytically at all and try to lead them to that point. I can see now that this is possibly most when they need empathy and support and would least appreciate a detached and rational viewpoint.