Are women allowed to sexually harass with impunity now as a given?

If I had been your manager, I would have taken your complaint seriously. I can’t speak for your individual workplace. This is, of course, a very familiar quandary for many women – having to weigh what you know is right against the risk of some form of punishment if the complaint is not taken seriously. That’s no reason for sexual harassment by women to become more commonplace or acceptable.

What was her tone? That could easily be an innocent answer.

And, no. Sexual Harassment laws apply to women as well. Just because one woman harassed you (if she actually did) does not mean all women just willy-nilly harass men.

She giggled when we were talking. I work in an environment with mostly female management. I am repeatedly saying to management staff- you know I cannot respond to your question.

I understand your description. Presumably, your complaint would be to someone above the person who harassed you. If she’s at the top, you’re SOL. That’s kind of how it works.

You @dappled_leaves if I came to you with this, you gonna punish the female manager or just giggle?

I would take whatever action was appropriate. I have no idea what “punishment” would ensue from such a case, not having been in that situation before, but yes, if that’s what was required.

@dappled_leaves reverse the roles. I am a man saying “you want to do me first?” and laughing. What would you recommend for me?

Why is this difficult to understand? If I felt safe to make a complaint (i.e., if my workplace were a supportive environment), I would make a complaint. You are faced with the same choice. I said this in my first answer in this thread.

But the reality is that not all workplaces are supportive environments. Sometimes, making a legitimate complaint puts one’s job or one’s comfort in the workplace at risk. That is a reality women have always faced. That is the reality you now face.

Ok Dappled I get what you are saying now. If I perceive that it will go unnoticed I just have to swallow it. And women have been swallowing it a long time. And I as a man in a woman’s management area are just getting a taste of what it has been like. Ok I think I see now.

Please don’t think for a moment that “getting a taste of what it has been like” means that you deserve it for any reason. You don’t. No one does.

From my experience women have always gotten away with sexual harassment. Back when I was young and had my looks where I worked as a lowly blood drawer the nurses called me “the blood boy”. On 3 occasions I was cornered in the back of a dark room and hallway where they (once by an individual and twice in a small group) took advantage of me by demanding kissing and hugging. It made me feel so cheap. But I needed the job so I kept my mouth shut. If I ever tried something like that back then to a women I wouldn’t have a job for long.

Women working with me in two other jobs would sometimes spew out sexual innuendos. It made me feel uncomfortable butI just kept my mouth shut and let it go. No big deal but I well understood that I had better not try that.

Also I use to get a lot of cat calls while jogging or cycling.

Let’s put it this way, if a man can get slam dunked by going 5 inched over the sexual harassment line (or even be said to when he was 5 feet back off of it), to get the same reaction for a woman, she had to cross over it by 5,000 feet and be quite blatant or even that might not stick.

Seriously? Your anecdote does not extrapolate into “women can sexually harass with no consequences everywhere all the time.”

Your female manager fucked up. Not sure why you’re drawing conclusions about the entire sex based on that.

Knowing you, you were probably asking for it. ~

We’re at a point where years of interaction will be condensed down to 3 or 4 incidents, and people are judged on that as if it were the entirety of their character.

So get two more anecdotes, then hire a lawyer.

I know you’re stirring the pot, and I don’t want to trample all over the fun.

What have your previous interactions with this person been like? Have you flirted with her in the past? Is there any reason for her to think you would be open to this sort of comment?

If not, then she is obviously out of order and you could complain to her supervisor. Or you could speak to her privately and tell her you found her comment offensive and let her know you’d rather keep your relationship on a professional basis. She won’t like it, but it would be a fair statement.

And it doesn’t matter whether an employee is a woman or a man, they shouldn’t have to put up with sexual innuendo or approaches. If it made you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to take it further. For years women have had to put up with such crap because nobody listened. That you are a man shouldn’t mean you have to put up with this sort of behaviour from a woman.

If the rolls were reversed (and we should absolutely look at it that way because there should never be double standards in this regard), I would reply looking them straight in the face with NO SMILE, ‘Is that supposed to be funny?’ Because you have every right to communicate your dislike of such innuendo. I would then let the manager know of the exchange, simply for their information. If the sophomoric humour continues or you feel she starts taking punitive measures towards you because you didn’t like her ‘jokes’, I would certainly take it farther.

I think your first reaction shouldn’t have to be to go to someone’s supervisor. We’re people and should be able to communicate with each other. I made the mistake, on a personal level, once of going right to a supervisor once and what I should have done was just said to the guy, ‘Look, I’d rather you not do that.’ If it had continued, I certainly would have, but I feel bad that it was my first reaction to not say anything directly to the guy. Hindsight is perfect. At the time, I was having a hard time because I had just gotten out of a long relationship, so I guess I wasn’t feel strong enough for a direct comment, which is why it was OK to go to the manager, but for my own self esteem, it sort of bothers me now.

Burn ya boxers.

I think @cazzie has a point. The first thing to do is make it clear you object. “You know I cannot respond to that” might not be clearly an objection, it might seem like playing along (a lot depends on everyone’s tone).

and of course, my English needs more practice. I meant to say ‘ROLES’ of course… not rolls… omg…. *embarrassed and hides my head.

@Mariah are you going to get the same reaction from HR staff as I am? Seriously? Not sure why you are drawing conclusions as a young woman who has limited experience on what actually happens.

I’m skeptical about your claim that “women can sexually harass without impunity” based on your singular anecdote. Like I said. I believe your female boss fucked up, so if you were to report it (not sure why you expect consequences to occur without reporting it) I believe punishment should occur to her. But I don’t believe this incident is a reflection upon all womankind.