How can I overcome this?

Look, I can see things from your perspective. It would be easy to tell you that people who lust after good-looking people are not worth knowing, but I am not sure that will help you.

You need to do something on your own without your cousin. An activity. A group. Something where you are an individual.

I am not sure that you should go on vacation with her while you are so focused on others’ reaction to her.

Presuming you do not do much without your cousin, @marinelife is right. What interests do you have? Do you volunteer in your community? What organizations do you belong to? Do you exercise in a public gym or participate in sports? People who share your passions will find your love for them very attractive.

Also, keep in mind that lust is behind the attraction males have to “beautiful” women and I assume you would like a relationship based something more than that. I can all but guarantee that your cousin will have her heart broken many times before finding someone who will see that there is more to her than looks.

Following your heart will bring the relationships you want. But be patient, and try not to compare yourself to others.

Thank you for taking the time to answer. I dont really know myself but im trying to, and i recently started gathering things together to start learning how to sew. The person who was suposed to teach me cant anymore so im bringing all my instruments together until i find someone who can( i also search the internet for a good teaching link) but other than that i cant seem to be able to do anything. I mainly stay in my bed jf im not at work. I dont know why.

I definitely have to find something to do on my own.

It is not so much that im focused on what people say about her, I also think shes beyond beautiful but its more what they say about me when talking about her, the comparaisons and comments.. @marinelife @bill1939 thank you too :) i try my best everyday but sometimes the dark cloud hits me :( its so heavy

I suffer from life-long depression that is the product of childhood physical and emotional abuse. I have largely learned to cope with it. When it has become too intense, however, I have sought out help from psychologists and occasionally a psychiatrist when temporally needing medication to help get me through the darkest times. Perhaps you could be helped by such professionals. At the very least, talking with someone who is not judgmental and does not have an emotional connection with you will uncover hidden qualities that you have and suggest how to acquire techniques to diminish depression. Good luck.

I can understand your distress, especially in the way you have expressed it: it’s one thing to consider oneself not-beautiful, but to be side-by-side with someone you consider to be extremely beautiful, and spend a lot of time with that person, and have that person be part of your family, and to be requested (quite brazenly, as you have expressed) for introductions … yeah, I can understand your pain and frustration.

However, I would like to offer you another perspective, and one that you may not yet have realized. Things are not so easy for her as you may imagine. Believe it or not, it’s true, and here is why.

I’m going to imagine that you have a few close friends, right? Maybe even just one or two, perhaps. (Don’t be sad if I expect this is true for you. It’s true for me; it seems to be true for most people, even if much popular media suggests that everyone has dozens of the closest, most adorable friends you could imagine.) You don’t doubt those friends, do you? That is, you know that they’re your friends just because you are who you are. They’re not your friends because you have a certain look – or are the cousin of this particular girl – right?

She won’t have that certainty, I think. Most of the boys who flock to her are attracted by “that look”. She’ll never know – one hopes! – which ones will stick around if something happens to her looks. (This is going to be true to some extent even among her female friends, I think.)

Aside from that … she probably attracts a lot more “unwanted” attention than you do. You might chat with her about that some time when you’re sharing confidences. (And be sure to maintain this confidence when she shares it.) I’ve known a number of extraordinarily good-looking women in my life so far, and almost without exception they tell me awful stories of the advances they have “attracted” from awful creeps, sometimes with little or no warning. (I know this happens to a lot of women, but in my experience it seems to happen with far higher frequency with the best-looking women. I’ve noticed this from direct observation as well as the stories I’ve heard from both the especially good-looking and “all other” women who talk to me about this.)

When a guy comes on to you in a romantic way, especially if he already knows your cousin and isn’t angling for an introduction to her, then you may be pretty certain that he’s with you because of “you as a whole package” and not just a facade that he’s momentarily attracted to. Your cousin may never be so certain.

Thank you Bill :) @bill1938 I dont have depression, im just a little sad. Did you ever overcome your depression !?

** @bill1939

@cwotus thank you for your words ! Very appreciated

I do have some friends, not many though because everyobenes busy with their life but ill try to reconnect.

Thats the thing, the guy i was talking to saw my cousin first then came to me. Only to right after having our first physical to say make sure you dont tell her?? So hurtful, how can someone fake interest for a year then drop this bomb. I knew it. And now im scared to talk to anyone because i know that’s how it’s going to go down again. :(

There are a lot of valuable lessons in these experiences, whether you realize it or not. One of them is a graphic (though irritable) lesson on just how superficial the world can be. The very fact that you are consistently confronted with this reaction to your cousin has forced you to think on and analyze this reality. You’ve stated in a roundabout way that you have the mind, but she has the looks. Ask yourself whether or not you’d be willing to trade places with her.

If the answer is “yes” then you yourself are as superficial as the world you live in. The lesson is wasted and the world is no better off

Do some things for your looks that help you feel better about yourself physically. Maybe that will help you feel more confident. Some will say it’s shallow, looks don’t matter, etc., and the truth is that they shouldn’t matter but if it helps you feel better about yourself, then it does matter. Get a new haircut, put some makeup on, put some fun earrings on, project an air of confidence even if you don’t feel that way. Smile at people, look them in the eye and say hello. Take a walk around the track. You will be surprised at how little, simple things may make you feel better. If it makes you feel better and more confident then it’s a good thing.

Thank you for taking to time to reply my question! I wanted to ask you, if the answer is yes, how can i change one’s mind ? Before the answer would be no,but it’s been so many years I’ve watch myself full of potential been disregard and seen right in front of me ladies, with little to nothing to offer been more desirable and guys been way more interested to them even knowing they had nothing to offer but their very pretty looks. It seem that now a good look can get you anywhere and we stay behind.

I wish I could just not care and focus on myself but it’s so hard, how do we come to feel this way. I wish it didn’t affect me and I could just not be hurt.But unfortunately it does and I try to find ways to let it go but it’s hard, really. @stanleybmanly

Thank you for your help, I will definitely try :) xxx ( feel free to comment on my answer to friend stanleybmanly if you’d like!) @jca