(NSFW) Do you think it's emotional child abuse to teach children that masturbation is evil?

I’m of the (likely unfounded) opinion that we use the phrase “child abuse” too liberally. It might be better to ask what effects it would have on children to be taught that masturbation is “evil”. I can’t imagine there are any benefits of doing this. Masturbation is healthy. There is no reason to discourage this.

Who is teaching that?

I think it’s bullshmite, and yes, I believe it to be unhealthy to teach kids that masturbation is evil. Although as Gail said, I’d sure like to know who is teaching that these days.

I suppose I might be surprised. :/

It is detrimental to a child’s development to teach such rot and given the long-term effect such ideas can have on a person, it could be construed as abusive. However, I think to label something abusive, it needs to be driven by the desire to cause pain, hurt or pain. An uninformed person could believe this because they’re ignorant and they may therefore genuinely think they’re helping the person. So whether it is abusive, would depend on the intent.

I think that few religions are preaching against masturbation anymore. One that does is the Mormon faith – BYU famously released this bizarre anti-masturbation PSA last year.

Funny, I wrote the description before looking for the video!

I think I’ve been “spiritually wounded on the battleship of the Great War” and i don’t even look at porn.

It would be child abuse to tell them about masturbation either way. If they discover it on their own, then it is a beautiful, natural, part-of-growing-up thing.

^ I disagree. Masturbation is quite likely to form part of normal discussions about sex with your child. I know it was included in conversations I had with my children. It’s all about context and how the discussion takes place.

Detrimental, yes.
Child abuse, probably not.

Unless you were popping out from under the bed in a clown costume and flogging them with a phone book each time you caught them doing it.

@fluthernutter Well I guess it’s the parents place to chose how to handle their kids, but I don’t want to think of your future counseling bills. A clown costume?

No!!!

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/e9DJjCo

@gailcalled @Symbeline Catholic schools, for one, which are quite popular in the USA.

I think teaching that it’s evil is… incorrect, and mostly detrimental, except within the context of certain cultures. I think they’re wrong, but I also value that we have diverse cultures which are allowed to hold certain beliefs.

I personally draw the line at worse errors and maltreatments.

Catholics have a weird fettish/taboo thing going on with saying sexy things are wicked, and then enjoying doing them all the more. So I think they’re mixed up and silly about it, but doing ok.

I think far more change-worthy for Catholics would be some other issues…

I think calling it child abuse is a little extreme, but it is a spread of misinformation and it’s unhealthy. I don’t understand though… Wouldn’t someone rather have their child masturbate instead of going out and getting others/themselves pregnant? Because like, they’re teenagers, and most of them have raging hormones. Masturbation is a normal, healthy thing.

Child abuse? No.

But telling your kids that masturbation is evil is much more a reflection of the parents’ insecurity and upbringing. It tells me that the parent is either religiously brainwashed, or very insecure in his/her own sexuality. Why else would the parent see masturbation as evil?

The lesson to teach the kid is that there is a time and a place for everything—you don’t masturbate in public, just like you don’t do other things in public. But “evil” – that’s just nutty.

Remember that religion and religious teaching is a big culprit here too. It goes back to the “shalt not spill your seed” admonitions in the Bible, which had to do with ensuring the strength of the tribe. Every unused drop of semen was a potential warrior that was not born.

The Church grabbed onto that and made masturbation a “sin” (at least for Catholics) but for a different reason. They figure (and still do) that sperm is a human life and it isn’t to be spilled because God doesn’t like sperm wasted.

The other religious motivation is one of power and primacy. That theory goes – if you are masturbating and thinking about sexual things, then you are not thinking godly thoughts—and the church hates competition for your mindspace. So sexual thoughts are seen as a threat to the church’s supposed monopoly over your personal autonomy.

All of which is long answer to why some would say that jerking off is “evil”. But you have to look at the motivations of the people saying that.

I just watched some of the video mentioned above. If I were of that faith I’d be ashamed to admit we spent resources to have it done.
Comparing yanking the crank to the pitch of battle is an insult to anyone that lived through a real war. Show this to a refugee family in Syria and see how it plays out.
This is further proof the elders are out of touch.

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
When a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate

I don’t believe in any sort of god, so the idea of ‘sin’ does not exist in my household. I basically believe that the way of indoctrinating children into most forms of religion is far more harmful. Sex is simply a very intimate activity, that, when shared with another person, can carry very grown up consequences, emotionally, health-wise and ‘reproductive’-wise. Masturbation is just a way of getting to know how your body works. It isn’t that complicated.

@cazzie – you raise a good point.

I wonder how many women who say that they are non-orgasmic, or who say “I don’t like sex” were indoctrinated with “masturbation is evil” when they were younger… and could that lack of self-knowledge have led to their current issues?

I don’t know – just speculating…

@elbanditoroso I was raised by two bad Catholics. They seldom went to church. My father was of the opinion that the naked human body was ugly. Funnily enough, my mother was pregnant at least 9 times, so I have four brothers and four sisters. On the eve of my first wedding my mother asked me about my sex life. I was a bit surprised but she was a pretty cool mom for being old enough to be my grandmother. She asked if he was any good and if I had experienced orgasm. I replied and she then told me something that will haunt me until I die. She had NEVER had an orgasm. My poor mother had grown up so sexually repressed and married such a repressed man that she only ever did her duty as a wife and that was it.

Not child abuse, just pure, authentic bullshit.

@cazzie Holy mother of god. That is so sad.

Really sad.

It is sad, but I almost find it sadder that she (one assumes) felt she couldn’t talk to him about it.

Yes, I agree, but communication should be a two way street. He could have asked too.

It doesn’t sound like he cared about her feelings if sex and nudity were a shameful act.

@janbb Well, exactly. But even embarrassment would be a sufficient impediment – either way, it indicates an unfortunate lack of communication.

He didn’t care. He got his. That’s all that counted.

@Darth_Algar Boy oh boy! God must really be pissed then because even if one sperm cell in one ejaculation gets through to the egg, millions more that were along for the ride get wasted.
@Earthbound_Misfit Who said anything about parents talking about masturbation whilst having normal conversations about sex with your child? My mother never talked about sex with us kids, she only let us read the same book on the subject she was given to read when she was in a all-girl Catholic school in about 1946. My dad once mentioned masturbation to me. He said, “They call it self abuse but I always thought it felt pretty good.”

You did. You said “It would be child abuse to tell them about masturbation either way.” That may be the way your parents managed sex education, but in my house my children and I talked about, and still talk about, sex regularly. I don’t understand how telling your children about masturbation could be considered child abuse. Perhaps you can explain that.

Masturbation is a normal part of life and I don’t think any topic relating to sex should be off-the-table. The conversations should be age-appropriate and I don’t agree with telling kids more than they need to know at that point in time, but if allowed to, kids ask questions about all manner of things. That’s certainly how things worked in my home and those questions on occasions related to masturbation, sexuality, sex toys and a whole range of topics. I can’t remember how or why we discussed masturbation. Often conversations were triggered by something they saw on TV or something one of their peers said or I started the conversation based on something that had happened. My primary goal was keeping the channels of information open and not impeding that process by appearing embarrassed by anything they asked.

@Earthbound_Misfit That would be to assume that every parent would tell every child every time and that doesn’t happen. I used “would” not “will” to express some variation.
Telling your children about the + and – of masturbation would be akin to telling them about suicide, or murder, or a host of other possible evils as seen by different people, any of which any could see/define as child abuse. You know, the “eye of the beholder.”

@kritiper I do not understand your point. I haven’t said parents ‘should’ tell their children about masturbation. I have said it is not child abuse if they do. My preference is that parents are open and honest with their children about sex, and that could include a discussion about masturbation.

The suggestion that discussing masturbation with a child is akin to discussing suicide or murder is ridiculous. Masturbation is a normal, healthy and acceptable behaviour. Suicide and murder are not. Masturbation is not remotely evil. Whether individuals, even children, choose to masturbate is a personal choice. I wouldn’t condone compelling individuals to masturbate, but I’d certainly approve of making it clear that it is perfectly okay for them to choose to do so.

I will add that I have discussed suicide and murder with my children, even when they were children.

I think the subject of masturbation should be handled only if the child brings it up first, not the parent, which could possibly be viewed as child abuse. Then the parent should respond in a neutral fashion, neither saying that it is good or bad (which could then label as child abuse) and talking about it as little and as indiscrete as possible to avoid under or over emphasizing it. So if the child brings up the subject, it is a natural thing and if an adult brings it up, child abuse. Like misleading the witness in a trial, the adult leading the child into an inappropriate, unwarranted, and misguided adult oriented discussion.

I guess I would find it odd for a parent to initiate a sex talk, for no reason, with a kid who was less than about 11.

@Dutchess_III Not even discussing in age appropriate but truthful terms how babies are made? Oh, I guess I would actually wait until that question came up too – I see you used the word “initiate.”

Right. If they ask, absolutely tell them. My daughter was 6 when she asked the question. Her little sister had just been born. I answered the question. She was completely grossed out!

Actually it started with her saying, “What would happen if a bear had a chicken and a chicken had a bear?”
I said, “You’d have a dead chicken and a frustrated bear!”
And it went from there….

@Adirondackwannabe Hey, I wasn’t actually advocating the use of a clown costume. :P

I think if you’ve created a space where children can ask questions, they will naturally asked questions about sex. For instance, because they see someone at the supermarket or on television who’s pregnant. Kids are naturally curious.

If they haven’t asked anything, given the rate of teenage pregnancy and risks relating to child sexual abuse, I’d have carefully instigated some sort of discussion. I think many parents do still have ‘the talk’ about sex. I remember my daughter attending the school sex information talk and coming home and asking why we hadn’t had ‘the talk’. I remember asking her if the teacher discussed anything she didn’t know about during the session at school and she said she’d known about everything. However, she felt a bit gypped because she’d missed out on this special talk!

I’m not advocating sitting a child down to give them instructions on how to masturbate. I do think parents can and should initiate discussions if their children, for whatever reason, haven’t done so. I wouldn’t want my 11-year-old to be oblivious to sexual health and/or activity. That puts them at greater risk of abuse or unwanted pregnancy. In 2013, a survey of teenagers found almost 20% were having sexual intercourse in grade 9. Some girls can go through puberty at aged 8. Waiting until they’re eleven to have any conversation about their bodies or sexual activity may be too late.

Of course it’s preferable if the child instigates the conversation, but if that doesn’t happen, as a responsible parent, I’d be finding ways to start the conversation in a gentle and age appropriate way.

@fluthernutter LMAO. Okay, the clown costume can stay in the closet.

@Adirondackwannabe Yes, that’s usually where creepy clowns reside.

@Earthbound_Misfit What you say makes sense. I think we discussed things as they came up in movies and various situations; just as a part of the ongoing communication.

@fluthernutter I have the clown Christmas ornament for you. It is the creepiest ornament I have ever seen.

@Earthbound_Misfit This may weird you out a bit, but my father let me pick out some of the bulls we used for breeding our cows. He’d make “suggestions”, which I listened to, but I was making babies when I was 8 or 9. :)

No, you lived on a farm. You grew up around animals making babies and saw how natural the process is. Did that knowledge lead you to have sex earlier yourself? Did your parents discuss responsible sexual behaviour with you? How did they approach the ‘emotional’ aspects of sexuality with you @Adirondackwannabe?

@Earthbound_Misfit Well, my father died when I was twelve, and my mother kind of collapsed for a bit, so no, I didn’t get much guidance from them. I guess I was a good student and learned what I needed.

@Adirondackwannabe Thanks…I think? :)

Child abuse, definitely NOT!! Evil, I won’t agree with that also. I think growing up it’s a childs way to explore his/her body, but please don’t misunderstand me. I also think there can be something such as TOO MUCH and out of control. Doing it on a regular basis and it almost becoming an addiction. But from a young age I won’t ever teach my kids that it is evil.

YES!!!!!