Is it ever ok to ask why you were not invited to a wedding?

I would be curious, too, if I were you but I think I would not ask. I don’t think it’s polite to ask.

I think you’re probably right both about lack of room being the reason you weren’t invited and the inappropriateness of your asking why. I do think they owe you an explanation (apology), but that’s in their court, not yours.

That said, you should probably ask yourself whether not having been invited or knowing for sure why might weigh on you and wind up negatively impacting the friendship. If so, and if they don’t volunteer the information, you may want to consider making some kind of lighthearted comment about it if you find yourself in their company after the wedding.

I would send them a very nice card, congratulating them on their future nuptuals, that might trigger their memory of they forgot you, or \move them to make room for one more.

Agree 100% with @Hypocrisy_Central. Never hurts to take the high road.

@Hypocrisy_Central— I think that I would feel too awkward to send them a card before the wedding. I don’t want to appear to be fishing for an invitation. I might send them one afterward, though.

They probably don’t have the room. My sister had a pretty decent sized wedding, but after all of the relatives (and their dates—many she had never met before), close friends of my parents, the bridal party, and all of the groom’s family. There really wasn’t much room for inviting her friends. I wouldn’t take it personally. Weddings are insanely expensive and you have to be ruthless with the guest list. I’ve been excluded in similar circumstances, and I never let it bother me.

Don’t ask why you didn’t make the cut. They’re likely embarrassed that they can’t afford to invite you. It’s rude to make them feel uncomfortable about it. Do send a congratulatory card after it’s over. That’s the classy way to handle the situation.

I would never ask.

I “forgot” to invite one guy from work to my wedding and someone mentioned it to me after the wedding. I felt awful that he felt badly about it. Did he feel that badly? I don’t know, but other people from the group felt I purposely excluded him. I hadn’t. I was starting to become very aware of the cost of the wedding when I was making my list, and he was not someone I interacted with as much as the others who were invited. I wish now I had invited him, but there was no mal intent.

I also didn’t invite children initially, because a few people said not to, and in the end children were allowed, but I had failed to go back and make sure the children of a cousin of mine got invited. I feel horrible about it to this day. My only excuse is I was young and overwhelmed.

I never let my feelings get hurt over not being invited to a wedding. It is a stressful time and can cost a lot of money. I am always gracious and always if it ever comes up put the person’s mind at ease that I am fine that I wasn’t invited and I don’t feel slighted.

I still buy them gifts sometimes, if I feel compelled to. It depends on the situation. I won’t if it might come off as some sort of way to induce guilt, I don’t ever send a gift for that reason, I send it because I am happy for the couple. I might wait until after the wedding. As I get older this is less of a thing with peers, because often no gifts are expected, unless it is one of their children getting married.

If you had been invited, would you send a card before or after the wedding? Follow the same process as you would under any other circumstances. Send a lovely card wishing them well. If they follow up with an invitation, perhaps like @JLeslie suggested happend to her, they overlooked you unintentionally. Totally understandable given how much there is to organise prior to a wedding. If no invite arrives, you did the right thing in sending a card to people you like and care about and try not to feel hurt. It probably is just about keeping their guest list shorter.

What is weird is that they invited others in the same friend group but not the OP.

Weddings are fun but it’s almost easier not to go to one and to enjoy one’s free time. It’s for that reason that I wouldn’t stress over not being invited. I really enjoy my free, unscheduled time after a busy work week and other obligations.

Side note: I know that they did not just forget about me, because a mutual friend asked the groom if I had been invited. (She asked this before I even mentioned the wedding to her, so her question was not prompted by me.)

@answerjill: You never found out why they didn’t invite you?

@jca – Nope. And I’m not going to ask before the wedding.

Update: I just received an invitation. How odd. Well, I am happy to attend!

Yay! Good news and thanks for the update, @answerjill!