Is it truly forgiveness if we never forget the wrong things that have been done to us?

You remember, you just don’t care anymore.

Remembeing is something that can’t be helped. Unless you’re talking about dwelling on it.

My understanding of forgiveness is quite the opposite. Feeling that someone has done something hurtful to you and still choosing to forgive – to drop the anger, resentment, and ill-feelings toward that person – is true forgiveness. Forgetting might just be forgetting. It might reflect apathy, or it may re-appear later on.

I can be with people I remember doing things that once had angered me and were quite hurtful. Yet, I have truly forgiven them.

Forgetting is not what forgiveness is about. Myself, I think of forgiveness as a mental technology. It’s something sophisticated creatures do about their memories. It has more to do with building something positive on top of bad memories rather than trying not to remember them and rather than building something negative out of them which is I think the laziest and not-best solution.

A few resources for you @Safie. I’ve found these pretty smart and deep on the matter:

Blame – Radio Lab This is utterly incredible and mind blowing. so.. deal with it.

Also, today’s ted talk just so happens to be on the topic you might want to check that out too: A tale of two Americas…

People say ”forgive and forget” because they twisted up a passage with origins in the Bible where God says of those of us who are grafted in has His children that he will take our sins and dropped them into a bottomless ocean, so to speak, never again to remember them. By that, people believe we as people should have the same capacity when we can’t. in fact, you are not supposed to forget, because if you did, you could set the person up to repeat the injury they done to you. However, as others have said, you acknowledge they did that, but you don’t hold malice or thoughts of vengeance against them, especially if they apologize.

Forgiveness is just giving up the right to revenge. It’s not forgetting and letting yourself get walked on again. You can forgive someone but it would be stupid to pretend like it never happened and be blind sighted when it happens again.

I think @hominid is spot on.
Forgiveness is a decision not to express instinct for revenge and to get beyond the offense.It does not require forgetting but with the decision to forgive, the offense will not be consuming your feelings so much and the matter won’t be as foremost in your mind.
When forgiving is successful you have achieved Vairagya concerning the matter.
It’s distinct from suppression, shoving the matter below consciousness with distractions, or fabrications or delusions.

Great answers from @ninjacolin and @hominid.

Forgiveness is a tough subject for me. I’ve never quite figured it out. And the trouble with forgetting is that a memory, good or bad, can be jogged into one’s consciousness at the most unexpected instant and by the slightest thing and at the almost anything—a song, a fragrance, a piece of writing, a movie, a dream (or nightmare) ... and on and on. Memory is uncontrollable, and sadly a particular memory can trump one’s best intention to forgive.

I believe that forgiveness and forgetfulness are separate emotions. I can forgive many slights and offenses but I do not forget them. actually, lately, I do a lot of forgetting so maybe I need to rethink this

“Blame is for god & small children” Louis Dega

Yes, when people toss up at you something you did or said years ago, they have not forgiven and they have not moved on. So, no they probably have not in their heart forgiven. Forgiveness requires letting go of the hurt or anger that you feel, and when you truly do that you usually forget at some point why you were ever angry in the first place. When people can summon the stuff, it seems to indicate to me that they still think about it and feel upset about it. Pointless behavior. Either move on form the act or words or move on from the person because both cannot co-exist together.

I don’t forgive, I just file away what you did to me and I treat you accordingly. An honest mistake I might forgive somewhat. But if you intentionally did something to me, that goes into the memory bank.