Does grief ever lessen?

I think I’m able to answer this for you. I was 25 and a guy I was dating committed suicide. I was devastated at that time and for years after. I can look back now and analyze how I handled the situation. I let that incident, that moment, define several years of my life. I wasted so much time hurting, being sad and depressed. I look back now and realize I shut so many people out of my life because of one person.

Please, do what you can to get beyond your grief. Put this out of your mind as much as you can. Do not dwell on the “incident” but move forward. Try not to let this define you, but let this make you a better, stronger person.

To answer your question of “does the grief ever lesson”. Yes, it does. But it took me years because I dwelled on it. Thirty years later, I barely remember him. But I let that moment in time mess with me for at least 10 years. I hope this helps.

Oh @hug_of_war ! I wish I had the right words to give you comfort or to east your way to peace! My experience with grief has been that the pain never really goes away, rather you kind of get used to it being there. Like a void in your soul or an injury to your flesh, the edges will soften with time, but the hole will remain. You will remember fondly the good and bad times and with time draw a glimmer of happiness from the remembering, yet a bit of heartache will always be there if you look too long. Life will (hopefully) provide enough distraction so that you won’t have enough time to dwell.
If sadness goes on too long, it is good to talk with people who understand. With time, as @chyna says, the lens looking back gets more faint as you move forward through your life.

It does yes, but it takes time. I am terribly sorry for what happened, and I know how much of a void you must feel. You have a big positive thing in your life though, education. My guess is that your friend would want you to be kinder to yourself. Your friend wold want you to be happy. Try to focus on one good thing that happens each day, and hold onto those thoughts. It worked for me after the loss of a small child. You don’t forget, but you do learn how to go on and enjoy the present. My very best wishes to you!

I feel you are stuck in a loop. I’m not a grief counsellor so I can’t say why that is, but I hope you can figure out what’s holding you in that grief. Do you feel guilty for some reason?

Grief does lessen, but you have to let it fade. You have to be willing to start moving forward with your life and to let your friend (or the person you’re grieving) settle into the background. I’ve lost people who are very close to me although not through suicide, and while it took time, the grief did eventually dissipate and thoughts of them did not consume my thoughts.

It all depends on your relationship with the person and the spirtual connection you had. In cases of sudden death where there is no time to get a final word out of that person, there is never closure and lack of closure leads to anger and frustration which doesn’t seem to ease. Undoubtedly, time is working on the pain very subtly and so slowly you that you are not aware of it. It will take time, perhaps a couple of years to milden the raw pain. The anger will never go but you will learn to deal with it.

Seems working on your education is really helping. Dive into broadening it even more, knowledge has a way of brightening up our meaningless life. Do not forget but DO move on before a significant chunk of your precious time is eaten away. Find comfort in the fact that your friend got out of the rut he/she was in. Many of us left behind don’t understand suicide but for the one released of life’s trap it is the only way. Your friend made peace now you make your own peace and walk on. Very difficult for sure but there is no other way. All the best.

I’m really sorry to hear about this, I have never been through a situation like that, but on the other hand, I understand grief, though not in the same sense as yours. My ex husband cheated on me, long story short, it went on for quite some time, and he treated me very ill as well, said very nasty things, and we have kids together. So I felt grief, in my own way for my situation. It does get better, but it takes time. And agreeing with everyone else, you will determine how long it takes. If you dwell on it, it will take longer, but if you let it go, “set it free” and “get over it”, it will pass quicker than you think. But it will always be there to an extent, just depends on you if it will be “healthy” or not.

Im so sorry for your loss, i have never or would i want to experience the thought of someone committing suicide but grief is grief no matter how someone dies and i have experienced a loss of someone dying through illness. It sounds like a cliché but in truth time is the only healer you must allow yourself to grieve and it will take as long as it takes, you’ll never forget but with time it gets easier….there are may stages of grief, sadness, anger, guilt, time determines how and when we get through to a head space where you can cope just a little bit better but it’s also down to how you want/try to remember them…Focus on the good things about your friend and not dwell on how they died it’s not your fault let go of any guilt you may have, as sad as this is it was a choice they made for whatever reason. Keep good memories if you have them in your heart and remember those they are important..Give yourself time and take each day at a time…i’m sure your friend wouldn’t want to see you making all these bad choices but like i said there are many stages to grief right now you sound like you are angry you are pushing people away that will not help but if it’s what you need to do so be it, but be strong take time out for your own sanity, because right now you are trying to make sense of all you are going through…you are not in a position to be making important decisions if you can take time off from work etc…you have had a terrible shock to your system and Time is the only healer.

Yes, it does. No-one believes this until they have been through it, and six months is no time at all. Be nice to yourself. You don’t have to make perfect choices right now, you just have to keep your head above water.

Try to concentrate on the one thing that is most important: Communicate with all the people close to you. Tell them that you know you are driving them away, but to give you more time…because you will get through this, and you’ll most likely want those people back when you have.

Yes, grief lessens over time (no set time) but returns to haunt at unexpected times and for unpredictable reasons. My condolences to you. Hang in.

The best thing to do is occupy yourself with activities that do not remind you of your friend.
Get back into an old hobby or start a new one, make new friends, study a new subject.
You have to do this willfully until you can get some emotional perspective on the trauma.
You also have to willfully avoid dwelling on the tragedy, that just re-opens the emotional wound and strengthens your despair which are the opposite of what you want.
Also, check for any feelings of guilt you may have. It’s common, and completely counterproductive, for people to tell themselves they could have done something but didn’t, and or tell themselves they need to still feel bad about the tragedy and/or to feel guilty if they feel less bad than they did when it first happened.
It’s okay if the pain goes away and becomes mere sadness, that is healing.

Regarding someone near and dear who passed away, someone has said to me that you never get over it but you do get used to it.

I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is the grief never goes away. I got hammered when I was twelve and I just wanted to curl up and die for a long time. Probably that lasted 12 months. Then I became very angry and I did a lot of the stuff you’re doing. And I was crazy, I would do and try anything. I stayed that way a long time. It wasn’t until I got to college and I made friends with some good peeps. One of them recognized the anger and the wildness, and he said if I didn’t find a way to refocus that I was probably going to do something either I or others would really regret. I laughed him off at first, but it made me think. Over time, I changed my mind set from anger to valuing people more and more. It made me a lot calmer and probably a better person. That’s the good news, you can use it in a positive way. But it’s not easy or quick.

Grief fades and then wells up again at times. The thing to do is find some good distractions so that you are not solely focused on the loss. when you are with other friends, try to focus on them more and not always be showing them how down you are. Realize that everyone is burdened with things in this life and that there is more to life than your loss. It’s one of the hardest things to let go of but it does soften with time.

Therapy may be able to help you. It sounds like your grief is affecting your life. Your friend who died would not want that for you.

Time does lessen the pain. Six months is not long enough. Get some help. Consider a grief group if you don’t want to do therapy.