Is it strange that they buy my kids presents?

Maybe your sister in law shows her a lot of pictures and talks a great deal about them. She may be building them up to be the best thing to happen to man kind and she doesn’t have any kids to buy stuff for, so she feels they deserve it. I sometimes buy gifts for kids I really don’t know. (Although they have all been related but some are distant) . Sometimes we see gifts and know of a kid who doesn’t have much and despite that is a great kid and we will buy them something we know they can use.
You say it is her best friend. So she probably does it because she knows your sister-in-law loves to surprise your kids with gifts and it makes her happy and she can afford to do it.
What you may think is expensive for her, she may think very little about it in regards to cost. She may not have no little ones in her life or maybe she just likes to have an excuse to shop. Is is unusual. Yep. But sometimes a gift is just a gift. Nothing more. Send her a thank you note.
Could also be she’s heard great things about you and is hoping to meet you some day.

It’s not as strange as you think maybe your sister in law’s best friend feels that she is an extension of the family because she is a best friend, and some people like buying gifts for other people usually it’s out of kindness and not anything sinister, i think it’s a lovely gesture but IF it becomes too much just mention it to your sister in law and maybe she can just subtly drop a hint to her best friend that she really is kind and the gifts are appreciated but that she doesn’t need to feel it’s something she has to always do…Maybe your sister in laws speaks fondly about your children and that’s why…but be mindful not to create a problem where there is none..it’s a very kind thing that your sister in law’s friend does to go out of her way to buy your kids presents, as long as she doesn’t go overboard.

I don’t think there is a polite way of asking them not to buy presents for your kids and I don’t understand why you would want to. You may think it’s a little bit strange but that doesn’t make it any less kind and I can’t see what harm it is doing to anyone. It obviously gives them pleasure as well as your children so I would just accept that they are a generous person, let your kids enjoy the presents and drop them a thank you note every so often.

I think it’s sweet and I’d be gracious and accepting. I’d send them a note of thanks just to let them know you’re appreciative. That’s just me. I agree with @OpryLeigh and @Pandora.

Can yo uask your siter-in-law about it nicely?

@Pandora and @Safie It’s not my sister-in-law’s best friend. (She also buys presents for them. Which we think is sweet and totally normal.) It’s my sister-in-law’s best friend’s co-worker. Who I don’t think the best friend is even particularly close to.

@OpryLeigh I think I have weird hang-ups about things like Facebook and social media. I don’t want to perpetuate idealization. In some way, I feel this is the same. I feel like she is buying gifts for her idea of who my kids are (created by images that she’s seen of them). If it’s not harming anyone, I’d say just let it go. But it seems unhealthy to me. Maybe I’m just making too much of it?

@janbb My husband and I both mentioned to my SIL that we thought it was rather odd. But I don’t want to put her in an awkward position.

@jca I didn’t mean to leave you out! I just wasn’t sure how you read the original question (since you agree with two users who seem to have read it differently).

If your sister-in-law’s best friend is buying gifts for your kids, I think I might ‘drop by’ her work with a tray of cookies or an Easter basket. Meet this gift giver. If you get any funny vibes from anyone, tell them that you’re afraid your kids are getting too many gifts, and that, while appreciated, the gifts are tending to spoil your kids.
If you like the co-worker, just tell her you wanted to meet this mysterious giver, and thank them in person.
I think you need to meet this head-on if it’s a bother to you.

I’d probably just accept the gifts. Perhaps store them up and give them to Toys For Tots at holiday time.

@ibstubro That’s actually a really good solution! Unfortunately they live/work six hours away. :(

We have tons of toys saved for Toys for Tots. Our guest room looks like a toy store!

I had a similar issue (not exactly the same) with a son’s girlfriend buying me unwanted gifts. I mentined it tactfully to my son and the gifts seem to have eased up.

I would find it odd too and want to stop it. I still think you have to go through a third party unless you know the co-worker and can talk or write directly to her. Can you approach you SIL’s best friend about it or approach it directly and tactfully with the co-worker?

I will never get why people hate presents. PRESENTS!

I think it’s weird. They don’t even know your kids? Could it be your sister-in-law actually giving her presents and doesn’t want to say so. Or the best friend?

@janbb Unfortunately, I think you’re right. I probably need to go through a third party for this since I don’t know the co-worker (and can’t easily swing by their place like @ibstubro suggested). Hopefully I can just mention it in passing next time I speak with the best friend.

@tinyfaery Haha…I don’t hate presents. It’s just kind of weird since we don’t even know who this person is. And they’ve never met our kids.

I don’t think the presents are actually from my SIL or her best friend. My SIL is not coy about giving them presents. She just arrived for a visit with most of her luggage packed with toys for them. And some from the best friend and her best friend’s co-worker. My SIL visits about once a month. Which is great because we love to see her. But the toy situation in my house is quickly approaching hoarder status. (Which is another issue altogether.)

Some people like both kids and buying presents. I know that for several years I had a tough time passing up any cool toy truck, especially those great “Mighty Tonka” trucks of the 70s. Of course, I had to play with them in advance of giving them away (to be assured of their suitability) . The sons and daughters of my friends and relatives wound up with them (eventually). I would feign indignant injury at the suggestion that the trucks might not be gender appropriate for the girls. But I cannot tell you how often upon encountering those girls as adults, they could produce with a big grin, their cement truck, dump truck, crane, grader,, back hoe, bulldozer etc. And usually in mint condition.

First, if I were in your shoes I would find this odd. My kids would find this odd. This is a pretty distant connection and while it’s nice..I don’t get it.

The only way I could kind of understand it is this:

Is she by any chance advanced in age? My grandma would send frequent gifts (not even at birthday times, and often not totally age appropriate, toys that were for kids MUCH younger than ours). They sometimes smelled a bit like they’d been in her basement. Once she sent me a “Magic Bullet” (blender type thing sold on home TV shopping channels) out of the blue just because she thought it would handy for me.
I think mainly she just enjoyed buying toys for her many grand-kids & great-grand-kids then would stash them away..kind of a hoarder type thing. She’d forget that they weren’t still 6 years old and send them coloring books.

@stanleybmanly and @geeky_mama I get that some people like to give gifts. And they may just have some stuff laying around. Toys they had to ahem inspect or because they’re used to buying stuff for their grandkids. That doesn’t weird me out as much.

But this person has kids of their own. And they’re specifically buying stuff for my kids at the store.

@stanleybmanly Buying stuff for your friends’ kids…totally not weird. And I would have loved getting a tonka truck toy as a girl!

@geeky_mama “My kids would find this odd.” Really, I don’t think kids ever find being given a gift odd. Although I can totally believe they might find a particular gift odd, yes, that I can believe easily.

If the givers are 6 hours away, @fluthernutter, I would just accept the gifts. Find a consignment shop or eBay seller that can turn the excess presents into respectable money. Then either divide the money between your kids’ college accounts, or open accounts for car, graduation, or college. No point in storing the stuff until it’s no longer ‘hot’, then giving it away. Find a way to turn it into money for your kids’ future. Are these gift givers being thanked in any way?

@Adagio When I was a kid, I would have found it odd to receive gifts from an unidentified source. We were taught to be very conscious of where every gift came from. “Santa Claus” was mom and dad.

@ibstubro But the gift’s source is not unidentified, they know who the gift has come from, it’s simply that they had never met the person.

This is really weird – she has her own kids? I can’t even imagine a backstory that leads to this. I guess if it were me, I’d ask the sister-in-law what her take on it is. Maybe she has a theory? Does her best friend have a theory? Do they all think it’s weird?

I kind of just want to know the answer to the puzzle now.

@ibstubro We save them until Toys for Tots has their drive during the holidays. We always thank my SIL and her best friend. But I’m still trying to figure out how to thank the co-worker without encouraging her to buy anymore.

@dappled_leaves Right? It’s so bizarre. At least to me. Other people don’t seem to think twice about it. A nice gesture is a nice gesture is a nice gesture.

When I mentioned to my SIL that my husband and I thought it was kind of weird, she didn’t seem to think much of it either. She said her best friend shows pictures of our kids to her co-workers and they just think they’re really cute. Which is nice, I guess. But there’s a difference between liking a picture on Facebook and actually going shopping for kids you’ve never met. And I don’t mean your friend had a kid and you haven’t gotten a chance to meet them yet. They’ve never even met the parents (us).

If I knew the answer to the puzzle, I’d tell you. I’m just as baffled.

Hi,I think it’s one kind of love for your kids.There is no surprise here.Just normally accept it.You should think positively.

@Shovon22 But why would someone love kids who they’ve never met, and whose parents they’ve never met? That makes no sense unless they just love everyone, except that they’re not buying everyone presents.

I think I would send a sealed note and ask your SIL’s best friend to deliver it. I would thank her for the past gifts but say that your children are getting so many toys from people and you would prefer her not to give them any more. It is a bizarre situation and while she may mean no harm (I’m sure she doesn’t), I would want to stop it. You could tell the best friend what it says. Also, maybe it’s time for people to stop showing pictures of your kids. I’m not a paranoid privacy freak but maybe this will slow down her motivation.

We can all speculate but nobody will ever truly know if this person’s intentions are actually innocent or not. Personally I find that once you have kids, even the most distant acquaintances will find reasons to give you gifts. I constantly receive gifts from random people that I’ve never met. Most are from patients at my mom’s Dr office she works at. Some from people she barely knows but they see a picture of her grandson on her desk and next thing you know, they’re bringing in toys, gifts, hand me downs, etc. Many of the items I receive have to get donated. I can understand how it might become frustrating for you. As ungrateful as it may seem, it does get overwhelming having to sort through bags of clothing and pick the ones that would fit my son or having to make room for even more toys when he already has more than enough. I wish I could tell them, thanks but no thanks! So in your case, whether it’s actually “weird” of this person or not isn’t actually the issue. The issue is that you don’t really *want*€ the gifts. So tell your sister in law to pass along the message. Put it as tactfully as possible. Blame it on the limited space in your house or something. The best part is, this person lives 6 hours away and has no idea who you are. So if she gets offended by your gift refusal…it doesn’t really matter does it?

@ItalianPrincess1217 I hope this isn’t too presumptuous, but can I ask how old you are? I’m asking because I vaguely recall that you’re pretty young? I might totally be off. The reason why I’m asking is because I think it’s relevant to why you are getting lots of gifts in particular. I think people tend to give gifts to younger parents. If I were in that situation, it would be more about not wanting the actual stuff. But I’m not so young. :P

Also, giving presents to your friend/acquaintance’s grandkids is not that weird. It would be as if your mom had a best friend and their co-worker gave you a gift.

Would you find that odd?
Six hours or not, I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings. As you said, it was probably done with the best intentions.

@janbb sigh Yes, the whole people showing pictures of my kids is a whole ‘nother issue I haven’t figured out yet. It totally weirds me out. But I don’t know how to balance being a paranoid nazi and how everyone else likes to use social media.
Good idea. I think I’ll just try to sneak that into the thank you note.

@Shovon22 Did you grow up in a different culture? I’m wondering if that would affect how people view this situation.

@janbb Actually not another issue entirely. I think my anxiety about this gift situation is actually related to my deeper anxiety about that.

@fluthernutter I’m not sure what exactly is considered “pretty young” but I’m 27. My son is 3 and we have another on the way which I’m already receiving unnecessary gifts for as well. I’m not sure age is why I tend to get an abundance of gifts for my kids. Most of those giving the gifts don’t know me and have never personally met me. If my mother’s best friend’s coworker were to gift the kids something I probably wouldn’t think anything of it. But if it continued as frequently as yours seems to, I might start to wonder!

@ItalianPrincess1217 I think people tend to equate young mother to mother in need—regardless of whether that’s actually true or not.

@fluthernutter I can see how that might happen.