I sometimes lost direction early on——well, come to think of it, I grew up and didn’t have any direction. . . All I knew how to do was survive, not life. It was tough, I felt stagnant, yet didn’t know where to go. All the ‘books’ said, “Make goals.’ So I did. But more often than not they either turned out to be a source of frustration [and beating myself up as a failure] when I didn’t meet the goals, or they turned out to be…well goals. I met them then they were over and I was back to square one.
One day I decided that it wasn’t life that was going to ‘direct’ me, it was me that was going to direct my life. Instead of goals, I made life-changes—or, in other words, I changed my direction. To me, making goals was all about the ‘destination’ and changing directions was more about the journey—the long haul.
A small example of this is the difference between ‘dieting’ and ‘eating healthy.’ Dieting is a goal, and if I don’t meet it, I’m a ‘failure.’ If I do meet it, it’s over, and I go back to unhealthy eating. Healthy eating is a directional change. I try and eat healthy everyday. If I have a cookie at one mean, it’s not the end of the world. I simply, pick up healthy again and go on.
The broader stroke of what do I want to do in life—took more time. But why shouldn’t it? How can we know unless we try? So I gave me permission to try. Try this job, do it for a while. Do I like it? Is it what I want to be doing in 10 years? If not, what can I try next? Then the job I leave is not a failure; it was a try. I went to college because it might help me decide what I want, and along the way I learned a lot that broadened my view.
Sometimes my behavior tells me how I really feel about a direction. I had a great job once at a well known coat manufacturer. With my newly minted thought of I will be the director of my life——I did well at this job everyday. Doing my best at any job meant a lot to me. Eventually, though I knew I didn’t want to be checking on customs regarding coats in 5 years…I didn’t really care about the coats. I got another job working with retarded adults, which I loved. When I quit the coat factory said, ‘oh but you are sooo good. You don’t get all upset at customs, yell, or become frantic. We’d like to keep you.” I said thanks, but no thanks. The reason I was good——was partly because I didn’t care if the material got stuck in customs. No body was going to die over it;-]
I don’t know if this helps, but sometimes just changing the way we frame up the words to ourselves makes a huge difference. And as long as you are trying any direction, you are moving, learning, living, you are okay.