I can't let go of this man?

I screwed up the first time we met, then began falling in love with him but he was already out the door. He isn’t a saint but I can’t stop thinking about him. Its been 5 months since we’ve met and he has been just distant for the most part. I keep going back like an idiot. It hurts and I wish to start all over and not make the stupid mistakes I did but I just can’t possibly do that. Its driving me nuts! I cry every night thinking about him, my life feels empty and I have this awful longing.

How do I even stop this? This awful longing I have for someone who doesn’t want me… Romance is so painful. I feel like he is a part of my family, its very strange…