If you know you hurt somebody badly - even if it was the right thing to do - how much does it bother you?

I’m in the same boat as you. I did the adult thing and broke up with her face to face. She cried and threw stuff at me etc. I still think about her crying, but we weren’t going to work out.

There’s nothing we can do, really. We did the right thing.

You have two questions:

“If you know you hurt somebody badly – even if it was the right thing to do – how much does it bother you?”
Yes, probably as much (or possibly more) than it bothers them.

“Is your feeling still as intense 1½ years later?”
No. It’s sad that they’re still carrying on, and reinforces the reason you rejected them.

I broke up with one of my friend some time ago. It was a toxic relationship and breaking up with her meant setting myself free. The breaking up hurt her really bad (I guess it’s because she couldn’t take advantage of me anymore). Now she is acting exactly like what your boyfriend is doing: bashing about the breaking up and talking dirt about me as much as possible. I think both your boyfriend and my friend are bring childish. Why can’t they just let it go and move on? They are just making themselves miserable and ridiculous in front of everyone. I don’t feel bad for those kind of people at all.

Is it possible he’s making those posts because he knows you’ll read them? Of course I’d be sad to cause someone else pain, and I look back on pain I caused people many years ago and cringe, but I know the decision I made was right. While I’d wish for them to move on and be happy, I’m not responsible for their happiness. You are not responsible for your ex’s pain after 1.5 years. He is. He’s holding on to it and only he or a therapist can perhaps work out why that is.

I don’t think he has any idea I’m reading his posts. I should probably stop but I’m too curious, especially where I know that talk about me might be occurring.

Glad to hear your stories, everybody!

On Thursday I made a kid in my class cry. So everyone thinks this guy is really annoying and always tells him to shut up, and he has no friends. I think he has a bit of ADHD or something because he never stops talking and whenever we take tests he always has to go into another room. Well, since he has no friends and everyone bullies him I thought, you know, I should start talking to this kid and be nice to him because he’s obviously having a really hard time in school.

So we’ve been talking a lot, and prom is coming up, so he asked me “What are you doing for prom?” and I truthfully answered, “going with my boyfriend” and he started crying. Not full out bawling but I could hear him sniveling and sighing. When he shouted out the answers his voice kept cracking and shaking and it was quieter than usual. Later when I saw him his eyes were all red and puffy.

So yeah, I had no idea he liked me before until I said truthfully that I’m going with my boyfriend to prom. It was the right thing to do, I couldn’t just go with him, but I felt SO bad.

I think it depends on the relationship between you and the one you hurt also.
If it’s a boyfriend, it probably wont last that long for me. If it bothers him that much and I cant help it, I’ll say “It’s not you, it’s him.” to myself.
But I probably hurt my mom deeply when I was in high school and it bothers me a little till now.