Thoughts on this; my friend just died?

Good afternoon all,

One of my friend comitted suicide this week and since she went back to her country up North last year, she will be buried there even if she lived here all her life and was planing on coming back next month. One of her best girl called me to talk about it and near the end of conversation she spoke about wanting to do something here for her closest friends. All in all (i wont say we were bestfriend because we didnt speak all the times but she was sweet to me and we chilled sometimes.) Even thought I felt numb at first when I heard the news, I felt as if her actions gave me strenght. What I need advice in is I helped planned almost half the thing(i found the bird releasing company for when this would get done and all) but I feel like my friend is talking to me about the event as if Im not going. Its kinda messed up because im positive if because 2 of the girls attending( which i dont speak with anymore) because of unconcious self sentered controlled by ego behaviours have led me to distance myself from them. And it really made them mad. Im positive they have told my girl to not let me go and she following as usual. When just hang up and I was almost going to ask if I’m coming or not but I stopped myself. It’s crazy how people do yoj a certain way then get mad when you leave and other people always be on their side. It’s so unfair.. :( Even if we didnt talk everyday I still felt like I wanted to be present and give her a few words.