When someone says something that really bothers you on social media, when do you speak up and when do you hold your tongue?

I usually just unfollow. I’ve found that those who post egregiously stupid things either don’t care to hear facts, or they’re just too stupid to comprehend facts.

If it’s a relative, I tend to hold my peace, because I want to stay in touch with them, and they are all distant.

If it’s a good friend or my sister, I will usually say something. Most often privately by message.

If it’s an acquaintance or a work connection, I usually won’t say anything, but if it happens too often I will hide them from my news feed or, in extreme cases, have unfriended them.

I have found that posting a public response on FB that goes against the post does little good. If it means that much to you, send a PM expressing your opinion and word it in a way that asks for an open discussion. This way, there is always the chance that one of you will change your opinion.

“The better part of valor is discretion.” -Shakespere’s “1 Henry 1V.,” v.4. 121
Knowing what to say and when not to say it, if ever, takes time and experience. If you want to say something, but aren’t sure if you should, wait a day or two. Compose your words carefully, or don’t bother.

It really depends on the group, the message, the people I know in the group, and a bunch of other factors.

There is no one answer for me.

Keep this wise saying in mind:

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Mark Twain

Isn’t it great that you have a choice? You’re trying to determine what the correct response is. In that sense, you’re probably not just reacting and making yourself feel worse about the whole thing.

You could treat it as a type of practice. Experiment. How do you feel when you respond in a certain way? How do you feel if you don’t respond? How does it feel when you take a break from the whole thing?

And when you see someone say something that is “offensive”, is it that the content of their comment is wrong? If it’s wrong, what if you were to respond by just providing information to help clear up misinformation? When a kid is confused about something and says something that doesn’t correspond with reality, we don’t get angry or develop any kind of stressful response. Rather, we can choose to help the child by asking questions and providing info in a way that best helps them understand it better. Maybe it’s possible to approach these people in a similar way. What is there to be angry about if someone is ignorant of the facts?

Just a thought. What do I do? I am currently working on my own “experiments” here and on twitter. I’m learning much about myself.

@hominid Yep, a year or two ago I would have knee-jerk responded pissily. I still feel pissy but actually expressing it or not actually feels like a choice now.

It’s usually a combination of wrongness combined with the offensive implications of that wrongness. One of the things that pissed me off today, for example, was that somebody specifically tagged me on an article about digestive health that claimed that digestive problems are caused exclusively by stress. This is not only wrong, but it places blame upon the victim of digestive distress – if you were just better at controlling your emotions, you wouldn’t be sick. I still kind of want to set her straight but I’d need to be sure to do it in a non-pissy way, and that’s going to require that I at least wait before responding, if I respond at all.

I’m using “here” to work on some of my issues about stupidity and differing opinions too. And even trying to admit I’m wrong when it has been proven that I am!

As for FB, I generally don’t see it as a place to argue with people. I either hide the post or unfollow the person.

I don’t hide the posts, I don’t unfollow the people and I don’t argue with them. People post offensive stuff all the time – stuff about hating Obama, stuff about hating Hilary, stuff about all kinds of stupidity. I feel like arguing or debating is not going to change their opinions and so usually I let things go. Probably 99% of the time I don’t say a word. Before, on FB, someone posted something about CPS. I was considering discussing the issue at hand, and then I figured why get sucked into an argument about it. Their opinion is probably formed from their experiences, which may have been bad, and also they’re comparing current laws to the way they were brought up (a more lax time). I can’t counter that and I don’t feel obligated to defend the cause.

I guess most of my friends are cool because I don’t see offensive stuff very often. I only friend people I actually know. Well there’s a few flutherites I know but I know they’re cool, too.

I don’t.

Facebook is not the place for debates or drama.

I’m saying this as I hold my tongue. I really want to bitch at a friend right now about her stupid anti-Hillary posts. I want to ask her if this is the best she has. I mean, really? That’s the best post you have today to tell us you hate Hillary? You have nothing about how great your candidate is? This next year is going to be fun if I have this to look forward to whenever I get on Facebook. Not.

Facebook is not the place for debates or drama, but Fluther is. :P

I “removed” myself from facebook. It collects drama faster than a clever simile that applies to this. That and I actually read the fine print – it’s not very nice.

But to humor the question:I don’t think it does any good to weigh in on an argument on facebook. It’s the same with youtube comments. Diving into those depths I have to be certain that I go in for entertainment only.

I almost always hold my tongue. If it pisses me off enough, I’ll remove the person from my news feed or friends list. I’m not all that active on Facebook these days anyway. There have been occasions where I did speak up, but it never ends well. There’s no point in arguing with people about their opinion, no matter how stupid it is.

My husband’s uncle was told recently that he set his profile up saying he was interested in men and women and not just women. Instead of simply changing it, he posted a status making sure everyone knew he wasn’t a “fag” or a “fairy.” That was one of the hardest for me to ignore, but I did. Seriously, what the hell? Any respect I had for him is gone, but I wasn’t about to start an argument with him and his redneck Facebook friends. They’ll always be homophobic, no matter what I say. Thankfully my husband escaped the ignorance that burdens certain members of his family.

I find it useless to debate on the internet. People will say and believe what they want regardless of your opinion and feelings. I follow quite a bit of news media on facebook and some of the comments I see are just mind boggling.I find it hard to believe they’re made by grown adults. I only friend people I know. Most of my friends post pics of their kids and families, pets or boyfriends, so I don’t come across any stupid crap that often. Sometimes I will comment if I’m bored but most of the time I leave things alone.

One thing I will occasionally do is when someone posts a “faux” newspaper article that says something ridiculous that is definitely not true, I will google it and get the “truthorfiction dot com” or “snopes dot com” that refutes it and post that. Often they continue on as if I didn’t post it, arguing about non citizens receiving food stamps or whatever. I might write something like “I’ll believe that when I see it from a legitimate paper like the NY Times.” That’s about the extent of my trying to debate things on FB. FB and Fluther are the only social media I use. I really should get into some other ones, in case Fluther goes down, I’ll need a backup social media addiction LOL.