Introverts, do you get ridiculously impatient at chatter?

Extreme introvert here, but I’m pretty patient. Can’t say that I’ve experienced this.

I’m the same way, it’s the worst with older people since they speak slower too. I get incredibly impatient if i feel the person I’m speaking to is too slow or saying something predictable or ignorant. I feel bad for feeling this way but it’s just how I feel.

I can be intro or extro, but when I’m trying to get something done get to your goddamn point. I don’t want to listen to useless bullshit when I have to get something done.

I do…
Ask.
Stop.
How hard is that?
I know the answer, but I can’t get a word in edgewise.
Rude to interrupt.

If someone constantly repeats themselves, I find that somewhat irritating. I’m not an introvert. However, with family, I’m conscious of doing the same myself. I’ll start a story and realize I’ve already told it to the listener. So with other people, I try not to be too impatient. I think this trait is especially common in older people.

As to chatter generally – it depends what the chatter is about.

I tend to put my “smile, nod” reflex on autopilot and tune out until something interesting comes up. I don’t small talk well… It always turns out fairly awkward.

More introverted than extroverted chiming in. I’ve learned the importance of The Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they want done unto them. It also depends upon the culture. Here in the US, it is more common to offer greetings to everyone we run across and often go into details, even with a stranger. This doesn’t apply to every country.

As for impatience, yes, I have experienced that. A co-worker and I used to meet every week for an hour to debrief and update regarding our dept’s. interactions. At first, the initial 10–15 minutes were spent listening to her talk about her personal life. After continually running out of time to talk about the topics at hand, I broached the issue. We agreed to limit the chit-chat on the front end to five minutes. It turned into a win-win situation.

When I started bonding with a neighbor, I told her on the front end that my partner is very introverted and that I am borderline. She has been gracious about asking to get together around the SO’s schedule and understands that not including him is not a slight.

A third example is when I supervised a team. Only a few lived where I did and all were traveling most of the time. Some preferred communicating via e-mail, some by phone, and some just did their job and expected me to know that they were alive and kicking by their daily reports. I tried to conform to each preferred form of communication by using it. It was time consuming, but I figured as a manager, it was my responsibility to ensure job satisfaction.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it is all about awareness and communication. Whether introverted or extroverted doesn’t matter. Both exist, albeit on different levels. If our personal desires aren’t made clear, then we are contributing to the problem.

Major introvert here. I just let them rattle on. I understand the need for some people to repeat stuff, especially those whose life has been void and lonely. I switch off a bit but not to the point where I do not hear a word, I treat it more like background music. Let them say what they want to say so much and not spoil a friendship by being impatient.

@Pied_Pfeffer 10,000 lurve for that answer.

No, I like it – these are “safe” conversations where not much is expected of me participationally other than apparent attentiveness, so I can relax and let them buzz on with no worries about being asked to air my real thoughts.

I’m a borderline introvert, so maybe my take on things doesn’t exactly apply here?

I don’t mind idle chatter or people repeating things during small talk. There’s a time and place for those.

What drives me crazy is when I ask my sister a question and she can’t just give me a direct answer. She has to do this 20 minute rambling warm-up before she answers the actual question.

I really only have this issue with my sister though. I’m sure I get on her nerves too in that way that only family can drive you crazy. :P

I have a neighbour who likes to tell a joke: She will see me walking past with my Labrador and stop me, starting to talk about whatever is on her mind. Then, at some point, she’ll say something like,

“Labradors, huh? Well…you know what they’re like. All a Labrador worries about is food. Tornadoes, earthquakes, never mind – the Lab will worry about its food bowl getting lost.”

Then, she laughs. I laugh. I genuinely chuckled the first two times she told me this joke, but…it is not funny when you’ve heard it ten times before.

I don’t know if she genuinely forgets she has told that exact same joke already. Maybe she’s nervous and doesn’t know what to say…you’d think she would simply let me walk past, then, though. I guess it’s not just the time that’s getting lost, it’s also the dishonesty of it all. I don’t like fake-laughing and smiling politely.

Thanks for your answers!

@longgone I have older neighbors who do the same thing. I think they fall into certain patterns of behavior. They keep telling me the same stories and jokes. I don’t feel like it’s dishonest when I laugh because I’m genuinely amused at their behavior after the umpteenth time. Old people are cute!

^ It would be easier to be patient if she was old, I think. She’s in her thirties. That’s a good way of thinking about the dishonesty, though. I’ll have to try it out!

@longgone: “It would be easier to be patient if she was old, I think. She’s in her thirties.”

Do you feel it would be easier to be patient if she was old because you would assume senility? In other words, if there were something that explained the repetitive jokes or inane chatter, then it would be excusable and it would open you to (potential) patience? What if you were to look at everyone like that? Not that you assume everyone is senile or has a brain injury. Rather, what if you were to see that that your neighbor is the way she is in the same exact way that you are who you are? Genetics, how we are raised by our parents, the culture and time, and all prior experiences have led you to not chatter on and tell the same jokes over and over to your neighbors.These same forces resulted in miss chatty repeat-joke lady.

That might be enough to relax enough to allow you to investigate her intention. Do you think she is trying to cause you pain in any way? It’s possible that she’s attempting to make a connection in the only way she knows how. It’s possible that she is attempting to present an image of being “together”, when she is really just lost and lonely. There are many possibilities here. And most of them seem to present a reason to offer some level of patience – even if only for yourself. It doesn’t feel good to be impatient.

^ Damn it, @hominid, must you always be so level-headed? Now I feel compelled to go bake Miss Chatty an apple pie.

You are utterly right, and when I’m not too busy being impatient and annoyed, I like to give the same advice.